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Thread: She told me to 'keep in touch'.....should i?

  1. #1
    atelis
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    She told me to 'keep in touch'.....should i?

    a woman i have been seeing for 8 months is in quite a confused state. i met her soon after she and her ex of 4 years broke up........too soon in hindsight. i have fallen in love with her but she can't seem to take that next step with her own feelings towards me. she has told me she is trying to search her thoughts as to why she can't feel that way about me as i have all the qualities she wants and desires in a man.

    anyway, we had a long chat last Thursday night and i wore my heart on my sleeve and told her how i felt. she cried quite a bit and it was obvious she hadn't dealt with her previous relationship and didn't give herself the time to deal with it before meeting me.


    during the conversation she said she needed time and she told me to keep in touch. wetalked some more and we kissed for a minute or so and as i walked towards the door i told her i was very nervous and she said 'don't be nervous' and 'talk to you soon'

    Now i have read all the NC in here and i haven't called or made any contact since last Thursday, but it does kill me a bit each day. should i wait for her to call or make contact with me? She said to 'keep in touch' so is it ok if i do that if she doesn't call or should i resist? i'm very confused

    thanks in advance for any replies

  2. #2
    Angel_baby
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    The best advice I can give you is to not contact her. I know the temptation is strong but it is best for you to resist giving into that urge.

    NC is your friend right now. It will help you heal and start moving forward and past the feelings of the heartbreak.

    She told you she isn't ready and that is pretty much that. Her "keep in touch" Is most likely her way of saying "let's be friends still" and also "if things don't work out for me in the dating world you will be my fall back guy".

    Stay strong

  3. #3
    amipushy
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    You say that she hadn't dealt with her previous relationship so now is the time to let her do that.

    Her saying keep in touch means she doesnt want to deal with losing you completely, so she wants to keep you around as a friend so she doesnt have to deal with that.

    But what YOU need to happen for you to get back together with her is for her to absolutely pine away for you, make her realise what she has lost and for her to come running back to you which is why you need to go NC.

    If she doesn't come back then she never felt the same as you and you did the right thing by giving yourself a head start at healing and moving on.

    Take this time away from her to get over her, you don't get over someone by repeatedly going back for a kick to the heart. Let her do her and you do you.

  4. #4
    atelis
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    thanks for the advice. it is very hard.

    she said she felt she was in a catch 22.........if she doesn't have any contact with me then maybe absense will make her heart grow fonder, but she also said that sometimes out of sight can be out of mind, so she was unsure as to which way to go. my fear is the latter, the out of sight out of mind scenario and hence why i'm tempted to 'keep in touch' while she takes time to deal with her issues. arrgggh

  5. #5
    ycmanvs
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    It sounds like she is very confused and is not ready to date you, but she likes you and if she was ready, she would date you.
    You can keep in low contact. You could email her or call her once every two weeks, just to let her know that you are still interested, but this will be hard, if she is still confused.
    Do what makes you comfortable. Eventually, she will be ready to date and if you are available, you could go for it.
    I was in a similar situation 8 months ago. I met a great guy but I was not ready. We kept in touch. Now that I am ready, he is dating someone else.
    You never know.

  6. #6
    Mutley
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    From my experience....

    "Keep in touch" is woman-speak for "never call me again."

  7. #7
    ycmanvs
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mutley [Register to see the link]
    From my experience....

    "Keep in touch" is woman-speak for "never call me again."
    That is not true at all. I really mean it when I say it. It totally depends on the person and the context of the situation.

  8. #8
    Mutley
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    Quote Originally Posted by ycmanvs [Register to see the link]
    That is not true at all. I really mean it when I say it. It totally depends on the person and the context of the situation.
    Ok....97.5% of the time that's what it means.

  9. #9
    Steve 7745

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    NC for a couple of months, then LC to gauge for returning interest. If she's moved on, so be it. If not, you can rekindle what you had. Just don't get your hopes up.

    What was it? Men tend to fall in love while in the presense of a woman? Women tend to fall in love while being away from the man?

  10. #10
    Angel_baby
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    Quote Originally Posted by atelis [Register to see the link]
    thanks for the advice. it is very hard.

    she said she felt she was in a catch 22.........if she doesn't have any contact with me then maybe absense will make her heart grow fonder, but she also said that sometimes out of sight can be out of mind, so she was unsure as to which way to go. my fear is the latter, the out of sight out of mind scenario and hence why i'm tempted to 'keep in touch' while she takes time to deal with her issues. arrgggh
    Think of it this way, you haven't kept in touch this far and you still think of her. Same goes for her.

    Just keep up the NC.
    I am willing to bet she contacts you first... since it sounds like she doesn't want you to move on.

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