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Thread: Feedback, please... :(

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Dani0613's Avatar
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    Feedback, please... :(

    This is my story:



    Fast forward to last night. We've been in LC with each other since the break up. We have two dogs together and for the past two weeks, one of them has been with me. Yesterday, I sent her a text asking when she would be picking the little man up. She said that she felt it would be in everyone's best interest for me to keep him b/c it's less stressful for her to have the two dogs and b/c he serves as good company for me. We had discussed this during work hours, so, naturally, she had asked that we speak in the evening to really discuss.

    When I got home from work, my phone rang; it was her. We spoke briefly about the situation with the dog and how we were going to proceed forward. I couldn't hold back anylonger and let it ALL OUT. This is not to say that I was callous, bitter, angry, etc. I merely expressed a lot of what I have wanted to say for a while now b/c she was inquiring.

    I told her that I felt betrayed by her leaving and couldn't understand why she would react so negatively to me at times given I havent done anything to warrant it. I told her that I recognize how I give to a relationship and know that I deserve more than what I've been subject to with our situation. She agreed that I DO deserve so much more and admitted that I am a wonderful partner. She then asked me about the therapist.

    I told her about the book i was reading (again) and how I truly believe she has an issue with committment b/c of her parents' divorces. I told her that as soon as things get 'good', she runs (she agreed). I said that there is a fear inside of her because she's so accustomed to loss. Etc, etc. Bottom line, she, once again, agreed with everything the therapist and I discussed and wants to go. Now, mind you, she said she wanted to go weeks ago only to get defensive about it later on. She apologized for getting defensive and said that she was just scared about going b/c it's a big deal to her. I told her that it's not something to be afraid of.

    Anyway, then we talked about 'us'. She said that she loves me and wants me in her life as a friend. I told her there was NO way I was capable of giving her that. I can't sit back and watch her have another relationship (even though that is NOT what she's in search of at the time) with someone else. Though, she's told me that it wouldn't be hard for her to see ME with soemone if she knew I was happy.

    How can a person tell you that you deserve so much, that you're a great catch, that they no they'll never find better, aren't leaving the relationship to find better, but walk away from you??

    I'm really confused by this and believe that NC is the only way for me to continue to move forward. Each time we've been in contact thus far, it's been initiated by her. I can't withhold the dog from her, but I also don't have to be 'around' when she swings by to pick him up.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Mutley's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dani0613
    This is my story:


    How can a person tell you that you deserve so much, that you're a great catch, that they no they'll never find better, aren't leaving the relationship to find better, but walk away from you??

    That's what they call the $6400 question.

    It happens to all of us and were just as confused.

    I've learned just to not worry about it anymore.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member Dani0613's Avatar
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    is it related to committment issues?

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    Platinum Member Mutley's Avatar
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    It could be. But really it doesn't matter what the cause it.

    The bottom line is that she's making you crazy. You need to find someone who adds to your life rather than subtract.

    Even being alone is better than being caught in that tailspin.

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    i think shes trying to let you down gently.

    she obviously realises your a great guy and will make someone else a great partner, but for whatever reason, your not 100% floating her boat, or she has some niggle going on that makes her think your not 'the one' for her

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    Bronze Member Dani0613's Avatar
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    why would she want to go to therapy?

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    I just had a 2nd thought.

    how long were you together? it may be that if its quite a while, and you havent made any suggestion of serious commitment and she thinks the relationship isnt going to get that far, she might want to cut her losses now, at a point she can deal with it, before it gets to the point where it will seriously kill her inside to lose you.

    people who have dealt with serious loss and felt the ongoing ongoing ongoing ongoing etc pain, do everything to avoid feeling it so intensely again, and so cut and run before it arises.

    well i do anyway, so thats my 2nd thought..

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    Bronze Member Dani0613's Avatar
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    it will have been 2 years next month. That's my thing with this. She and I definitely are a good match and this break up happened right after her father died. Everytime I tell her that she's running away b/c she's scared, she agrees to it..


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