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Thread: Boyfriend Afraid of Commitment...

  1. #11
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    Jul 2008
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    Originally Posted by Blue Eyes 44
    I would not be living with him in his condo as I have my own apartment and would continue to live here until we get married. But it also makes me very sad that he won't consider buying a condo together at the time (in 2 years or less) and building a life together. I really feel like he is not excited about one day living together and sharing a life. If anything he seems very stressed out about it all...
    I would also suggest moving in with your partner before you marry him, this guy especially. You need to see what your life would be like married. Are you going to have to take over all of his mothers chores? Do his laundry? Clean up after him?

  2. #12
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    I really feel for you in this situation because I have very similar feelings much of the time. I am 28 with a very stable career, friend base, etc. and my boyfriend is only 24. He is in grad school and is living off loans. He just started and has met a ton of new friends and his life has been turned upside down. He is back living with his parents because of the financial strain of grad school. Because of (1) his age and (2) his situation as a student, he also seems to show signs of commitment-phobia. He said he isn't even thinking about marriage or kids and even though I have never said anything to him about it, he is afraid that I want that to happen soon and he is nowhere close to being ready. Granted we have only been with each other for a few months, but are very serious.

    What I've realized is that STABILITY plays a huge role in willingness to commit. Like you, I am done with my education, climbing up the corporate ladder, feeling the need to prove myself. My boyfriend is just beginning! He is now in debt from loans and tuition, lives at home and needs to work hard for the next 4 years to do well and land a successful job in a very competitive market. It serves him well to make THAT his focus ... and I support that. I think its not so much about him not loving YOU as much, its more about just getting to a place where he is stable and not dependent on you. My boyfriend says many times that he is not comfortable being so dependent on me. Again, perhaps that is because we have not been together as long.

    In your situation, if things are going well, I say to stick with it. If you love him as much as you say you do, then it is worth it, and him bettering himself right now to learn will help him to feel good about himself and provide for you in the future. So as a long term goal, it benefits you to be patient. That is what I have told myself, anyway. I know there are not a shortage of guys, but my boyfriend is the one I want to be with. It's a long haul and very risky, because his is "in transition" but to me, its worth the risk. If you evaluate this and feel the same, stick with it.

    Good luck.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Circe~'s Avatar
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    I agree with the people who have said he has had plenty of time to decide and you are now more than justified in taking steps for your own happiness.

    I think scale back the time you spend overnight to just one night a week and have a think about whether it's time to let him know that if he's not ready for marriage - you with great regret may have to say that the timing on your relationship is no longer right and its time to move on - at least for now.

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