my soulmate, my boyfriend died...

On August 3rd,

the love of my life died.

His name is Michael, and the world has known few souls as loving as his. We had so many plans together...we wanted to get married, have a family eventually...pursue our musical endeavors together. we had so many dreams. he was more than my boyfriend...he was my best friend and soulmate. He was only 24. I have gone through a series of emotions. The first week was just unreal...I became sort of a zombie, I think it was my body's way of dealing with it. Now being a little more than two weeks without him, the viewing, memorial, tribute show all passed...I can really process the absense of him...and my heart just aches. my whole body aches. doing simple "normal" things is a struggle. my family and friends have been all so supportive, but no one can lift this load...my heart is so heavy. I long for him so much...I pray for him to come in my dreams and have been keeping a dream journal. I pray that we will be together again...after this life. I just can't comprehend how i am supposed to live on without him for the rest of my life...I'm only 23. (Just turned on August 7th...the day of his viewing.) Our love was so strong, i couldn't believe how lucky i was to have found him....I have been trying to feel his presense, and a few things have happened that I believe are his way of trying to communicate with me....

this is just so hard. how does the sun keep rising...i feel so alone.

I am so sorry. That is the saddest thing ever. Hang in there as best you can, and listen, Michael wants you to be happy. With time, your heart will heal. You will always miss him and love him, but Michael would hope for you to live, and love, and laugh.

I'm so sorry to hear about this. It sounds like a great loss. It's always a tragedy when someone dies so young. My heart goes out to you.

Hi and welcome to enotalone. I am sorry that these unfortunate circumstances have brought you here.

Around this time last year my aunt lost her husband to a tragic accident, and she went through a lot of the same things you are describing.

The first week was just unreal...I became sort of a zombie, I think it was my body's way of dealing with it.

That is exactly how she was as well. It takes a while for what happened to sink in.

There's not much I can say to console you except that with time, even though you will always miss him and love him, you will be able to live your life and begin to find some enjoyment again. He will always be in your heart.

May I ask how he passed?

Hugs,

BellaDonna

melly,

Words cannot describe how sorry I am. Know that Michael will never leave you, even in death, he will always be by your side. Though you cannot see him, know that he can see you. He knows you thoughts, he know how much you love and miss him but also know, in heave, there is no time.

He will be there..waiting for you with open arms. Love never dies though the one's that are attatched to that love do.

"If the people we love are stolen from us,

the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them.

Buildings burn, people die,

but real love is forever."

You are in my prayers. This will pass in time but your love for one another will never die.

I am here if you need me. Feel free to contact me anytime.

Your Friend,

SuperDave71

I am so sorry for your loss Melly. I can't imagine the pain you are going through.

I know there is nothing anyone can really do or say to make the pain go away right now. But please try and stay close to friends and family. You need them very much. I'm glad they are there for you right now.

I don't know why these things happen. Life can be so unfair.

You WILL get through this, and remember he is always with you. always.

This forum is full of support, so stay here and post as often as you like.

I am so sorry for your loss, I truly am. This is the saddest post i have read on here and i really wish i could help you. But time is the only thing that is going to make it get better. I am so sorry for your loss. Keep strong he would really want you to stay strong.

I really truly am sorry from the bottom of my heart, your post brought tears to my eyes and I am truly and deeply sorry for your loss. It may seem like the world has ended but he is up there watching over you and in time it will become just a little easier to cope with.

I am the same age as you and I can only just beggin to imagine what it is like to lose someone like that as I have lost family members before myself. But nothing pales in comparason to the pain that you must be going though and I truly hope that one day your heart will mend if even just a little more then it is now.

My deepest condolences. Loss is probably the most difficult part of life to handle.

I cannot express how sorry I am for your pain. You need to go through your process at your on speed. I am glad that you are looking out for sweet messages. Be gentle to your heart. We are here when you need us.

Melly, wow, I am so sorry for your pain and this loss.

Mournng the death of a loved one is the hardest emotion anyone has to face. You need to stay focused and keep your strength but allow yourself to mourn.

Don't look to your future. Take this day by day and go easy on yourself.

Bless you sweetie and please keep posting through your grief.

hugs

I'm so sorry for your loss, that's very heart breaking to lose someone that young.

May you find peace in your memories of him.

Take care, and God Bless...

I am so sorry for your loss. He will never leave you, nor will his love.HUGS

How terribly sad, how deep this loss is. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

My heart goes out to you -- just having the courage to face the day right now can be overwhelming. So when your thoughts start to flow out toward the future, bring them back to right here and now, how your heart just aches, and be gentle with every emotion you have. The vast expanse of how you will live without him in all the years that stretch out before you is just too big, so please try to stay with each moment and whatever it brings. Tell yourself at each breath that is labored and hard and heavy, "I don't know how, but I WILL survive this." And you will.

Also know that his love is coursing through your veins this very minute. That's great you're keeping a dream journal -- dreams are powerful. And so are journals.

The more you can talk to people, to keep your feelings out in the open, and also to write them down, the better. Stay close to everyone, let people see you at your worst.

And take some time to look through the threads in this forum of people who have gone through (and are still going through) what you have. The feelings you are going through are the ones everyone goes through who has walked in your shoes, so you are not alone. But the pain is in knowing that you have this to bear inside your heart, in your own way, and nothing anyone says can take that pain away. Just know that we are here for you anytime. There are a lot of people who understand such great losses here, even though you feel it's only your own burden.

This will likely be one of the hardest ordeals you ever encounter, but you are going to get through this somehow.

Michael is forever a part of you.

Come here as often as you are able -- telling others about your feelings and what you've lost is medicine for the broken heart.

(Hugs)

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing someone at such a young age is always very difficult. I lost my sister when she was just 28, I was 26. I think of her all the time, as I am sure you think of Michael. Know that Michael is waiting, he will give you signs that he is in a better place. My sister did. The grief you are feeling right now is overwhelming, but in time it becomes more bearable. I pray that time comes quickly for you. You are in my prayers, Mellybelly.

Melly

I'm so sorry for you, my real name is Michael .........amd I just lost the love of my life to through a break up ....the sun rises and sets with her ......but no more ......

So I know exacty how you are feeling I'm feeling the exact same way .......I'm sure Michael is an angel looking out over you now ......he knew you loved him so much ...

I look up to the sky at night and just sort of try and talk .....and hope someone is out there listening .......God Bless you ....you're in my prayers.

Hi Melly, I can't imagine what your going through. I'm so sorry for your loss. Just always remember that he loved you, and he might not be here with you physically right now but you have his memory and his love. I wish the best for you in your future, I hope that you are able to get through this. I am sure that you and him will someday meet again. My prayers go out to you, your family and his.

I wish you peace, that is all I can say. Your post broke my heart.

My girlfriend died on the 4th January and here I am over seven months later. Nothing I have ever gone through in my life compares to what I went through in those first few months. All I can say to you is to be totally and utterly honest with yourself, allow yourself to feel what ever it is you have to feel and don’t question it. Sometimes emotions have a strange way of coming out.

The best advice I was given was that right now it's not a time to be strong but a time to be human. Grief is so painful, it hurts from the inside out but you only feel this way because you love him so much and believe me when the pain subsides, the love remains, it never leaves you.

My thoughts are with you.

I could not even begin to imagine how you are feeling right now. I am extremely sorry that you would have to go through something like this at such a young age. I truly whole-heartedly believe that you will be with him again, after your living here is complete. I am so heart-broken for you and I can bet you feel a million times worse. My faith tells me that you will be blissfully together again, but for now you have another purpose on this earth. Share that wonderful love that he shared with you....WITH EVERYONE YOU COME IN CONTACT WITH! Write songs that will make him live forever in others hearts! Continue your dreams of music! Go on because you know that's what he would want you to be doing. It's going to be tough but I think you found a wonderful retreat for your lonely times.

Message me if ever you need to talk!

so sorry for your hurting heart!

thank you everyone for your support and kindness...

i will respond more when i have more energy,

for now it is just nice reading your kind words and floating around on this wonderful site i stumbled upon in desperation, just to try to keep myself occupied. i miss michael so much, i ache...just trying to get through these moments...the days have been long. but thank you again, everyone....i hope today has brought joy, even just a little bit, for you all.

wow Melly, I can't say I know how you feel but my deepest sympathy goes out to you and Michael's family. This must be really hard for you to deal with. He sounded like an amazing person and it's clear from your post he meant more that then world to you. I hope the best for you and we are always here to listen if you need someone to talk to.

i can relate-i am 22years old and last week i woke up to a phone call 1 week ago saying my boyfriend and soulmate had died. he was 26 and was my everything, my streghnth, my bestfriend,my life.we grew up toghather-i knew him for 17 years-he was my other half.well the viewing was 2 days ago. when i first found out he had passed away i called everyone one of his friends and every hospital looking for him. i was so convinced that i could find him...i spent the week at his moms i would lay in his bed thinking about how we were just sleeping,joking,loving here. i sat in front of his gate crying "just open it baby open the gate!"when the viewing came around his mom went up first and when she was being pulled away she was crying for me to go up, i wasn't ready, i had to be dragged away because i couldnt stop sobbing for him to wake up. i feel so numb.i feel like something was viciously ripped out of me. i couldnt' eat at ALL the first week. i had A cookie a day, i would lay in the fetal position for hours i still dont know what to do with myself. theres moments i just want to die so i can be close to him.but i have to believe that he is here with me, i know he is. right before i answered my phone the morning of his death i had a dream about him-we were sitting on my bed against the wall-i was between his legs,he was holding me-the room was dim. we were talking about getting married and he told me he loved me and we talked about going to the tropics. a week before this happened i called his sister up(a close friend of mine)crying saying i have a bad feeling something is going to happen to my brother-this horrible painful feeling of loosing my brother who i adore so much overcame me-who would've know that i was right-something bad was going to happen to some1 i love-but i never never never would have thought my boyfriend/soulmate. not him.he even called me and we talked about the feeling i was having and he told just to focus on myslef and stop crying he loves me.what am i supposed to do!? what do you do with this pain?i want to be with him-i need him here why cant i bring him home i dont know what to do i feel so lost but i know i will see him again and that he is here with me i can feel him-i get that safe,complete feeling at times and i know it's because his presense is there. i wear his wrist band sparyed with his cologne and just imagine everytiume we loved and laughed togather-we can get through this- just tell me we can

krystallion,

i am thinking of you and my heart goes out to you....

this pain we are experiencing in unimaginable. i too have feeling where i wish i could have just died with him, so we could be together...but then i think there is a reason for everyone who is here, a purpose, and even if i can barely function right now...i still have to achieve that...we still have to achieve it. i don't know how or when this gets easier to deal with....i just don't understand this life. i'm desperately seeking answers and peace, it's just so hard...no one could comfort me like michael. he was my everything. i have been praying a lot, even though some are angry, and pleas to understand, i just don't know what else to do sometimes...these moments seem so unreal, but there is no way to escape...i try and distract myself, but the simplest things feel so wrong, without him...i will keep you in my prayers and thoughts, as i know what you are feeling, the deepest pain, that only someone in our shoes could understand....i'm so sorry for you...so sorry for both of us. i hope there is peace to be found...

and, i don't know how to send personal messages on here, because i just joined yesterday, if someone could explain, that would be awesome...but if you need to talk i am here krystallion...i know there have been moments where nothing seems to ease the pain, but i'm here...