Is this normal behaviour for men in serious relationships?

I was in a bachelor party of my sister's becoming husband and I noticed group behavior that I, as a naive less experienced sonnyboy, considered shady. The other guys who were aged around 25 to 35 were hitting on these two girls at the bar, that expressed strong sexual interest in my older sister's husband-to-be and my other sister's long time boyfriend.

Although I trust these men when they are sober, I was becoming worried that it would be a bad idea to go with these women to their apartment. The other men, who were all in serious longterm relationships, many having small children were eagerly trying to arrange some kind of bachelor party vs two girls gangbang scenario at 4:00 AM in the heavy rain instead calling for a cab home as was previously planned.

Being myself in a lot less serious relationship with my girlfriend I was still taken aback by their willingness and passion for playing with these girls as I consider that even my own relationship and it's regular sex are things that I do not want to risk in favour of a single drunken sexual encounter with a * * * * ty woman who wants to cheat on her own boyfriend.

I pressured one of the other guys to call the cab and thus nothing happened. During the ride home I asked them if they considered the possibility of sex with the women more valuable than their relationships and they got mad and said that these kinds of games belong to life and I would understand it as I got older. Simultaneously, they were making excuses that no-one would have actually had sex with them and it was in a way just a really, really funny joke and still they claimed that if everyone would have done it none of us would have been caught. Thinking my own sisters, I just didn't find it that funny.

One of guys, who was very macho started talking down to me and demanded that I'd heed his life advice that real men play games and have some fun on the side of their marriages and only sissies stay monogamous. He had been very provocative during the whole day, trying to dominate me and a few other guys through taunting and wrestling and I just had enough of that, so I said I was sick of his macho guidance and that he had no right to force it upon me. He threatened to kick my ass and at that point the others broke the fight off.

Now I'm experiencing the fallout of the situation as someone apparently broke down and confessed the incident to his girlfriend in advance so that he could first tell his own version of the story in case that someone else would tell about it to their women. However, their version is heavily played down and now the public opinion is that I'm a too serious person that made an inapproriate scene about the big boys normal games. I believe that atleast the machoman would really have cheated on his wife and he was squeezing the butt of one of the women throughtout the night so I consider that my reaction was not that over the top. What do you think?

Wait, so your sister's soon to be husband wanted to cheat on her?

Those men that said that are ugly inside. They have no morals and I would venture to guess must be some of the loneliest men on Earth if they think nothing of cheating on their wives.

i personally think the "real" man is you -simply because you behaved in a more responsible manor and thought through your actions instead of just reacting and making excuses for hurtful and improper behavior.

good for you- stay true to yourself.

What is "normal" these day and age, I am afraid it is all so relative. You can get a sense of wide range of opinions and behaviors just by reading posts here.

I know there are men out there who have little "fun" like this on the side, but they are married and apprently commited to their marriages. For them, it doesn't bother them, it's just "innocent fun". And then there are men who would not find this sort of things funny or fun.

It all depends on who you are. So to get back to your question, I really can't answer point blank, whether that "behavior for men in serious relationships" was normal.

The Men Code (you know, that book that all men are given when born that says how to act like men) says what happens in bachelor parties is to not be discussed with those who were not there. It's a good rule that these things are best left unspoken and it sounds like one of your friends spilled the beans.

The advice of your macho friend that real men play games is definitely not true. Real men do however know how to set their own limits and are comfortable within those limits that they are doing the right thing despite bullying from drunk, loud, guys. You can comfortably stand up for yourself and say you are happier in your relationship than he is with a fling - that is something to take pride in and it will put him in his place.

Nothing wrong with you setting your limit of what you will do and what you wont do. So the macho guy made fun of you - so what? It won't be the first time nor last time something like this happens so just learn to let it roll off your back.

No this is not normal for commited men.

What slobs.

25-35 y/o? They are just boys I know one man in my circle of friends who behaves like that when his wife is absent, and i feel sorry for him but mostly his wife.

stories like this are why I HATE bachelor parties... luckily my bf's friends will never get married

this is disgusting. and you were a great guy to stop it even tho the others may not think so. you were thinkin bout your sisters, which is a very honorable move.

those men are pigs if you can even call them men.

The thing is that they claim it was mostly just a semi joke to just try if they would get laid IF THEY WANTED. If this is true and it was just a way for them to feel more in control of their relationships by feeling that they can get sex from others, would that be okay? Still, they were putting way too much energy into that game when it was already time to go home from the blistering rain.

I am inexperienced in this guy culture and don't believe that my sisters's husband-to-be would have actually done it, but this macho guy and others probably would and they would have also been semi forcing more alcohol into my sisters boyfriends mouths and would have tried to get them to do that kind of stuff too. When I was arguing with them in the cab, one of them gave an analogy of murder in prison - if everyone thrusts then everyone is guilty and no-one will talk and no-one gets caught. As nothing happened I can only speculate, but surely I think they crossed the line.

pigs, very much so.

i'd notify your sister so she isn't making the biggest mistake of her LIFE...

Sounds like you were the only real man of the bunch !!!!

No, it is NOT normal, okay or healthy for people to "have fun on the side" It is NOT a game, people's lives are destroyed by this attitude.

These type of people literally make me sick to my stomach.

If you want to be free and fun, great- be free and have fun.

But not if you are in a LTR !

A lot of people DO cheat in this day and age, if a partner has a bad day or isn't perfect 24/7- Voila ! There's millions of people online to turn to for "on the side" actions. Or anyone else they may meet in person.

It's sad really.

But even if it's commonplace, that does not make it ethical or acceptable.

And the whole "getting caught" argument- Puh- lease !

If you go out and murder someone- even if you don't get caught-

You still did something wrong, and whether or not you see the effects, people lives will be forever changed due to one decision.

Be proud of who you are ! The world needs more men like you !

And a LOT less jerks like them !

They are not real men, they are selfish little boys.

The other guys --- who cares about them. If they're mutual friends or what-have-you, then it's none of your business to get involved in their relationships. You can hold whatever opinion you like of them, but it's absolutely not your business.

Your sister, however, is. You have an obligation to let her know anything suspect that you see. Your obligations to your sister's wellbeing FAR outweighs anything else. I wouldn't talk to anyone else about the situation, but you really owe it to your sister. The only commitments more important than 'honorable social codes of decency' are the ones to your family - and family codes and obligations are FAR greater.

But I was more angry with the other guys than my sister's boyfriends as they are really good people and they were not going to do it, the other even made it clear at the very beginning when one of the women asked if he wanted sex. The one getting married wasn't going to do it either, but he said he wanted to tease the women.

I don't care the slightest bit what the others do with their lives and marriages, but the point was that I was pissed off at some of the other guys in the group because they TRIED to corrupt my sisters boyfriends and actually taunted the one who clearly refused sex from the woman.

Let me just say that I applaud you for taking a stand like that. From your experience and the ages of the 'men' you described, that couldn't have been easy to do, quite intimidating I must say. While I do agree that the others are correct and that this type of behavior isn't 'normal' or acceptable, I will say that it most likely happens much more that we like to think. The scene you described sounds like something that could have happed with some people that I know about, I could easily placed various people I'm familiar with to play the exact roles that you described.

Well, from 'locker room talk' so to speak I've learned that this type of attitude is actually quite prevalent among "guys" and the only joke that exists is the one they are trying to pull over your eyes. Only because you are related to the bride did they stop, otherwise they would have dropped you off and continued with their 'game'. Someone posted earlier that these men are lonely, maybe they are, but I will tell you that they most likely have low self esteem and need to constantly remind themselves of how good they are by trying to meet and bed any lady they meet.

Macho guy is a bully with the lowest self esteem and to be honest is the most dangerous. That is the reason he was putting you down and wrestling with all the other guys, he has no real confidence and has no choice but to drum it up or else everyone will see him for who he really is. He is the dude who will be the first to set up something like this and constantly berate the others until they give in.

So they taunted the ones who wouldn't go through with it? No surprise there whatsoever. I've been picked on for believing in monogamy and "poo-pooing" cheating on your SO. The talk you where given in the car I've been told many times by 'guys' who try to write it off as "everyone's doing it, that's just they way we are!" If they push enough, they know that everyone has a breaking point and then you are just like them, losers who don't want to control their hormones and are most likely threatened by those that do. Sure we all know that at parties such as that it is common practice to get the groom blasted, but then to prod him into behavior such as this knowing that he isn't in his right mind? Time to switch friends IMO.

Do yourself a favor, do not be like these "guys". The games they play end up with a whole lot of losers and no winners. Being a man is what you did that night and I'll tell you one thing, that is another reason why Macho Man got p!ssed at you. You did something that made them all look bad and then you stood up to him, in his shortsighted world no one is supposed to do that.

Wow, I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

 

And I agree, YOU are the only real man. A real man doesn't need to lie and cheat. He's honest and loyal and has respect. And it's men like you that restore my dwindling faith in men as a whole.

I second that.

I sincerely hope it's not normal for men to act this way, but I do fear it's more common than we'd like to think.