"Meeting up"

Inexperienced online dating personals user here!

I'm meeting up with a guy that I have known for a few weeks... in a public place. He is witty, confident, nice and flirts with me. We have talked on the phone... He says that I am sweet and shy, but those are the qualities that he admire about me. He refers to me with personal endearments, and I don't know how to respond to it. Do men like being called dear, darling?

Unfortunately, I don't know what he looks like yet He doesn't know how to upload/acquire an electronic copy of his photo...

Any pointers you would like to share? I know this board has evidence of real online dating horror stories about first impressions

[Additional information: I'm also a sloppy dresser and look really young. I can't bear the thought of him relating me to his 'lil sister']

Thanks for the help in advance.

I say don't call each other dear or darling until you've at least kissed....

It's a shame you can't see a picture first, but at least you are meeting in a public place.

As for fashion advice? Ummmm, just jeans, nice t-shirt or tank top depending on the weather and maybe flip-flops? Lol, just look presentable like you're going shopping or something.

Yeah... he might have a club foot or something...

Anyone these days who doesn't have access to a digital camera (or camera phone), I would say, more than likely, lives under a rock. It's not like it's rocket science on how to post a pic...

Lack of a pic to me COULD be because he's inept electronically - but it also could be because he's married and doesn't want any 'evidence' out there.

However, I guess a blind date in a public place is a good way to find out if there's a spark; have the emergency 'fake' phone call lined up, don't spend too long together on the first date, and try to keep it low-key. The talking on the phone etc is nice, but it's no substitute for the real thing.

Remember to always be as safe as possible.

No picture...hmmmmmmmmm

No access to picture or knowledge to upload one......hmmmmmmmmm

possible reasons:

1.) married

2.) alien

3.) butt ugly

4.) witness protection program

Take your pick.

He can mail you a picture, by the way. These days I would be mighty suspicious of someone who lives nowhere near any drugstore or photo store to get a picture uploaded if he "doesn't know how". I agree with the previous poster. I would not like terms of endearment from a man I had only had contact with through a dating site.

I would be be a liitle leary if you have not seen a picture. If I were you I would ask for one and if he can not provide one.. then I would really see that as a red flag.

Well thanks for the advice guys.

I have asked for his picture before and I think he is electronically inept since he claim to use internet cafes. i have caught him once having dinner with a "female friend" on the phone. I'll find a way to stop his personal endearments... And really, I am dumb enough to think this was normal behaviour (inexperience!)

Well, I'm going ahead with the meeting and try to keep it brief.. I've got my emergency fake call planned now . I'll also do a background check and persist with questions. He has his told me his profession, that coincidentally has a registry!

you guys could be right! He may be married, have a record and butt ugly..

I'll let you guys know. It will be a great story

Illinois has a web site called link removed that shows criminal/non-criminal court cases... IDK if your state has a electronic filing system, but a quick search on it works wonders. Heck... if nothing else, google his name...

Insist on a picture before meeting, IMO. If nothing else he can scan his driver's license or something. If he claims he doesn't know how, teach him. If he's not using an internet cafe, a webcam is an option - they cost $20.

I might be (slightly) paranoid, but I personally would not be comfortable meeting someone in person without having seen them on a webcam first as a verification.

Gawd, no pic?? I wouldn't even talk to a person with no pic, let alone go off to meet them.

But still, you may be pleasantly surprised.

You can even send a pic, by mobile phone. Doesn't take a genius to work out how to send an MMS to someone...

Thanks gcollier2002. Google has some entries about his work (note has called from his office).... His name is rather unique where i live. .I'll ask the Geinus about his mobile phone usability

Good luck with your search. Let us know how it turns out!

I've been doing the whole online dating thing for the past couple of months and I would never consider meeting up with someone unless I see their pix first. I've had one guy that I met up who actually looked a lot worse in person than his pictures, so I was really dissappointed. If you don't want to be surprised, ask for his pictures!

I've met up with people who 'do' have pictures and have been very disappointing... Honestly, it sounds like something of the "shady" variety is going on with this guy. Even if I didn't know how to use a computer or a digital camera, I wouldn't admit it... LOL. When my 4 year old cousin can use the speed dial on his mother's phone and take pictures with it, I'm pretty confident that a guy who's capable of getting a profile on a web site can post a picture. I think someone said, already, and I agree: sounds like he's married or has a GF he's trying to cover his tracks from. -Or he's a troll/Ogre.

Just to add a bit of a dissenting voice to this picture discussion, I do not have any electronic pictures. The pictures I had are on the computer I didn't get in the divorce. The same exact thing happened to the digital camera I used to have. : )

However, if it was important to someone I was chatting with online, I would find a way.

No picture...hmmmmmmmmm

No access to picture or knowledge to upload one......hmmmmmmmmm

 

possible reasons:

1.) married

2.) alien

3.) butt ugly

4.) witness protection program

 

Take your pick.

thank you for that post, I'm still cracking up over it. Great stuff.

there is no excuse not to have a pic via webcam/scanner/mobile phone/digital camera- he must have a family member or friends who can give access or a library even if he does not have these, VERY SHADY plz get a picture first.

Also all net cafes here have webcams........so he culd go on webcam while u chat or take a picture on that whats his excuse!??!

I'd say NO PIC?

RED FLAG!

And, to answer your quesiton, I'd avoid addressing him with pet names (dear, babe, honey, etc.) because: A. You don't know what he looks like, and when you meet him or when you see him you might not like what you see-- at all --and if that is the case, you will REGRET getting closer to him and calling him pet names; B. Even if you did see him and/or meet him, it's still too early in the "relationship" to be calling each other pet names. I don't know. Sounds like he's trying to HOOK you before you see his face. Ugh.

Aren't you curious as to what's behind door number 3?

[update]

Somehow my mother became rather nosy.

I could only meet him if he provides a picture and she also wants to meet him... he is now re-considering meeting up...

Well, I'm not surprised, are you? I hope your mother doesn't want him to come to the house the first time you meet. Look, better to know now that this is a bit shady. Good luck.

[update]

Somehow my mother became rather nosy.

 

I could only meet him if he provides a picture and she also wants to meet him... he is now re-considering meeting up...

Big red flag. I know it's easy to lean towards feeling resentful about this, but the requests are pretty simple: provide a picture and meet your mother (which I'm assuming isn't "sit down and talk for 30 minutes"). That he's having second thoughts makes me think it's more likely that he's been lying to you.

The last person I dated after meeting online had a pretty clever way of checking me out. We were supposed to do something on a Sat. night. The night before, she called me up and said that she was really excited to meet up and wanted to know if I would come play darts over at her uncle's place. I was like "well.. I guess so..." LOL. I was nervous about meeting her Aunt and Uncle, but I REALLY wanted to meet her, so I did it. A few weeks later she revealed to me it was more to see "what kind of guy I was".

I'm against nosey moms, but in this case, it sounds like "Mom knows best". -Thanks, Mom! LOL