"Running away" - thoughts?

Hi ENA

This is something that has been on my mind for quite some time now, so I thought I'd make a thread and get some opinions.

I recently left my small hometown and moved to a big city, where I met some new friends, one whom had only recently moved here herself. Her husband left her in February this year, and she decided to leave her town and come here. (She is in her 30's). I'm not sure how long they were married, or what the circumstances were, as we aren't that close yet, and I don't want to upset her by asking (its none of my business anyway) but it just made me wonder if she was running away from this situation, rather than dealing with it head on. Is moving away going to help more than if she had stayed there and worked through the pain and moved on while still living in the same town as him? I'm not sure if my friend has worked through her issues or not, as her divorce was pretty recent (and the proceedings are still going on).

Sure, moving town is a great way to move on - you don't see the ex around, there are new surroundings, so there isn't much that reminds you of them at all (the occasional song maybe, but not much else) and you start your new life. No worrying about running into them, or having to see or hear about them with someone else, etc etc.

But in regards to moving away in order to heal, does it really help? (Assuming you were the one who got dumped) Because what happens when you go back to your hometown (or wherever it is that you lived in the same town) and see them again? For my friend - she lived in a very small town, just like I did, so the chance of running into, or seeing her ex is very high. Seeing the ex again would be a shock to the system, wouldn't it? And possibly undo a little (or a lot) of all healing done thus far?

I know for me personally, moving town has helped tremendously with my healing. Its been over 18 months since I was dumped, and I'm fine. I could still handle being in the same town as him, but I moved to further my career, and to see more than just my little town. I must admit though, living in the same small town - where everybody knows everybodys business - and knowing the same people as my ex was really quite annoying after a while. I'd left that part of my life in the past, but when I'd talk to friends, he would always come up in conversation (brought up by them) or I would see him down the street every day, and people I didn't even know he knew would talk to me about him. I couldn't escape him. Then his mother got a job in the same building where I worked, so I saw her often, and his father had to come to my office! Although I had worked through my pain and had come out the other side, not being able to escape him was sort of holding me back in a way, I guess - not to mention annoying, when every time I turned around I saw him. So when I moved, it was a breath of fresh air not seeing him every day, not seeing one of his family members every day.

But when I went home to visit my family, I saw him again and it *very* briefly brought back memories and the old feelings (of being hurt so badly, etc) and I think I've associated some of those feelings with my hometown - I don't want to live there again. Even if he wasn't there. Because of that, and a few other reasons - one being there just isn't that much opportunity there, but that's another story.

So is leaving town better for you in the long run, (if you were the dumpee) if you haven't worked through the pain before leaving? Because you might have a fantastic life where you are, a great new bf/gf, everything is going great, and then you go home (or back to the old town) and see your ex, and bam - you're a quivering mess again, because you haven't dealt with it, you've just suppressed it. Whereas if you've worked through it before leaving, when you see the ex again, it won't affect you as badly, if at all. What do you guys think? I could be wrong - if you moved away to move on, it could very well work, and you just might be unaffected if you saw the ex again - I'm not saying it can't happen, I'm just interested to hear (or read) other opinions. I guess this is considering you would possibly see the ex again when going back to the old town. If you moved away and never went back then sure, it wouldn't be a problem.

So the question I guess is, does "running away", without dealing with the breakup/divorce first, help or hinder the healing in the long run? Is it better to deal with the issue first, rather than to just run from it. And is it "running away"? Or is it being strong enough to leave it behind...

Thanks for reading

I think moving forward in life in any way after a break up is good. Even if it is running away to a new location. In reality even if you don't have to see your ex since living in a new town... you still have all the memories. You still have to heal and if moving away makes it a bit easier... why not?

My ex is moving away to a new town 200 miles away. She has friends there.

She decided to move a few weeks after she split.

She has since visited the town a few times and met someone.

Her initial decision to move away was certainly running away from things. She has done that ALL her life.

Running away does not make things easier. After a split I think you need as much stability as possible.

Her initial decision to move away was certainly running away from things. She has done that ALL her life.

Was she the dumper in your split?

I think it could be considered as running away, but it depends on how much of the healing groundwork you've done *before* you "run". If you get dumped today and decide "that's it - I'm moving tomorrow" then yes, it is running away. But if you get dumped and then move some time later, you've already started on the healing journey, so it's probably not 'running away'.