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Thread: My Christian Girlfriend

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    My Christian Girlfriend

    Ok, I am agnostic basically. I have wanted to be Christian and tried being Christian but i felt nothing. It was a want for the fulfillment and purpose, but i don't really believe and short of witnessing a miracle, i don't think i ever will. My girlfriend knows this... kinda. she is pretty religious and cant really understand how i can: 1)not believe 2)not be horribly depressed without a reason for my life 3)not be afraid of hell. she just doesn't get it. It's difficult... and it doesn't help that we're pretty committed and every time we talk about it she ends up in tears or very close to it. I am pretty sure she fears for my immortal soul... What the hell am I supposed to do here? It's so hard seeing her be so upset by it, especially since it means nothing to me other than that it makes her sad. Do I give up on the relationship? I don't think I could if i wanted to... but... I dunno. I considered going back to acting on my want for that faith, but I'd just be living a dream with no reality in it. It would make her happy, but if she found out it'd just hurt her more.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Angel_baby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    You are right, defiantly don't act like you are into Christianity if you aren't. It will feel like you lied to her if/when she finds out.

    What you two need to do is sit down and calmly talk about your differences in beliefs. You both need to respect what each other chooses to believe. From your post it sounds like you do respect her beliefs. I understand that she may be upset because she believes your soul is in danger of going to "hell" or whatever. But she really should try to understand that maybe with time your values will change but right now this is how you are and that should be respected for what you believe, as you also respect hers.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    It sounds like the two of you are incompatible.

  4. #4
    FortunateOne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    SoCal., USA
    This is a time when you seriously consider moving on since in your partner's faith you both must be equally joked; there's no bargaining, negotiating, understanding or respectful disagreeing with this issue. In both your eyes you're bringing each other down and will only lead to resentment. Walk away and find a more compatible partner that fits your lifestyle.

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Do you love her? If you do, then fake it. I wouldn't give that advice if you adhered to a different religion than Christianity (i.e., Judaism, Islam, Hinduism), but if you're not religious at all you're not actually betraying anything.

    I wouldn't call myself agnostic, but I'm a far cry from a "devout Christian." My girlfriend is very religious and very involved in her church; she leads a bible study group, prays a lot, and is genuinely concerned for the spiritual welfare of others. I, on the other hand, only attend services to make her happy. She would never ask me to go to church with her and she wouldn't resent me if I chose not to, but I know it's important to her and I love her, so I suck it up every Sunday and Tuesday (bible study) and do it with a smile.

    Honestly, it's part of being a man. Cowboy up and make your girl happy. If you think you'll have a hard time doing that for her, then you probably don't really love her. So, if you do love her, show some interest in her faith, go sit in a pew, and let her see you pray every once in a while (even if you are only praying for the Celtics to cover the spread...she'll never know). No matter how terrible you feel about faking interest in something important to her, just drink some whiskey to rub that * * * * out, and do it anyways...I'm sure she's worth the trouble and discomfort. Right?

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Mutley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Quote Originally Posted by FortunateOne [Register to see the link]
    This is a time when you seriously consider moving on since in your partner's faith you both must be equally joked;

    Yea, this may not work. Unless you can still support her someway....

    Do you think you could still attend services with her...just for support?

  7. #7
    Platinum Member waveseer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    This goes against how I normally do things, but I can see the wisdom in it. I would go sit in the cold and watch a game with the man I love even if I had no interest in the game whatsoever. I would cook asparagus even though I hate it (and hate the smell). There are so many things I would do that I wouldn't otherwise do it's difficult to count them all. I guess if I were pressed I'd have to say I those things are not my preference, but because they make the man happy, they really are my preference because it makes me happy to make him happy. Would I expect the same treatment in reverse? I would have to think about that.

  8. #8
    Gold Member StretchGee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Quote Originally Posted by Ohne [Register to see the link]
    Ok, I am agnostic basically. I have wanted to be Christian and tried being Christian but i felt nothing. It was a want for the fulfillment and purpose, but i don't really believe and short of witnessing a miracle, i don't think i ever will.
    How old are you and your girlfriend?

    You say you are "basically agnostic", so that leaves some room for belief in a higher power. I'm forty-something and still could say I have serious doubts...but that is human (even Christ had doubt).

    If you are young, you can probably work out a compromise. There is something to be said for a common belief in a relationship - but if you have some notion of exploring a higher power then the 'religious' aspect is simply quibbling over the rules applied by humans.


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