11 year difference...having kids at 40?

I'm 26 and my boyfriend of the past year is 37. I've never felt the kind of connection to anyone as I have with him. We make each other laugh, we share all the same values and have the same views on all the core, important things in life. Despite the age difference, we have a lot in common and enjoy doing the same things in the time we spend together.

I can't imagine not being with him and I know he's the one...but when I look into our prospective future, our age difference scares me. By the time we have kids, he'll be at least 40, which means he'll be around 60 by the time they're out of high school. Is that too old to start a family? And what about the fact that someday, when I'm 65 he'll be 76. 65 doesn't seem old, but he'll be close to 80. Am I going to want to be out traveling and enjoying my retirement while he's too old to?

Anyone else already found themselves in the future I'm describing and how do you feel about it/how happy are the two of you?

I love him more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I just wish he was younger.

Welcome to eNotAlone.

About the same ages as my youngest daughter and her husband when they were married last year. An even bigger age difference for my eldest and her husband but she already had children as did he.

I have a friend that's 80 years old (81 in a few months) and travels the world. He's a professional backgammon player and travels for that. He also owns a yacht and goes out to the bar with his wife every weekend and on some weekdays. I've hung out with him on several occasions and let me tell you, this guy can keep up with me and I party hard when I get the opportunity. So what I'm saying is just because your man is 11 years older than you doesn't mean he's going to be an invalid at 80. Do what makes you happy.

Well, you ages are about exactly the same as my partner's and mine when we first met. So it has worked for us, married and two kids so it can be done and happily.

Whilst I do get your concerns about the "kids at 40 thing", the age is not such a big issue, it's more about how he FEELS about having kids and ensuring you are both on the same page with that.

I've got the same age difference with my guy, its just 21 vs 32 right now. Your concerns are valid of course but you never know what could happen down the road. We might both die in an accident in 15 years, who knows. I could get a terminal illness while he stays healthy. Enjoy it while you can, and while its good to think things out -don't worry just enjoy him.

Just answer yourself if you are willing to throw away a potentially wonderful 40-50 years with this man simply because you are afraid of the unknown.

He could turn out to be one of those guys who is able to run a marathon when he's 90. Both of you could get hit by a bus tomorrow (God willing no!) But do you see my point? Don't base your decisions on a what if?

My parents had me when they were 40. My dad passed away when he was about 55 (accident-related, not age-related), but my mom is 79, and still going strong visiting various cities throughout the USA a couple times a year. Nowadays being 70-80 isn't all that old, so I wouldn't let it worry you.

Then again, I'm a 38-yo man about to move accross the country to be with a 24-yo girl so I may be a bit biased.

I don't think that's too old at all.

My parents were 38 when they had me. To be honest, there were times that I wished I had younger parents. Older parents sometimes don't have the energy to do stuff with their kids like younger ones do. My dad died when I was still a teen. That was hard.

But hey, there are no guarantees in life. Young parents can get sick and die too. You never know what the future holds for anyone.

I don't think 11 years is that big a gap at all... if it were 15 or more years you start to do the skipping a generation thing, but at 11 years you are in relatively similar life stages. Someone at 65 can be in worse shape than someone at 76, depending on genetics.

My mom was 36 and my dad was 45 when they had me. My dad is now 70 and is very very active. He's still the guy that comes to my apartment to help me do stuff like put in my air conditioner and he plays racquetball three times a week. It's all about the person, not the age. If he's an active person now, chances he will be later on too. If he's not now and doesn't take care of himself at this point in his life, that's a whole other story.

i don't think age is a problem, however you have to make sure you know the guy. I for one have been married with a guy for 8 years. he is now 49 and i am 30 and we have a 5 year old...do the math.

i think 40 is the perfect age for having kids, more maturity and life experience makes better parents, IMO.

My mom is 60 my dad is 69. My mom is currently and has been for the past 3 months in the ICU with very little hope of ever returning home and dad sees her everyday for at least 8 hours, does all the yard work and it's a huge yard, pays all the bills which includes paper work, helps me out when needed no matter what it is and he does all this without complaining and it doesn't look to me like he is ever going to slow down!!!!

Hey there, I am in the same boat as you. I just turned 30 and dating a wonderful guy who just turned 42. I know people say it's no big deal, that I'm 30 now...but I don't plan on having kids until at least 34 (just one) and by then he's going to be 46. I struggle with thoughts like you-he's going to be old and trust me, it's not easy. I was hoping my feelings would change, and they haven't. He's wonderful and in better shape than me! he looks 35 (but I look 25!) This is the best relationship I've ever had-couldn't be any easier at about 5-6 months (although still too early to tell). He loves me dearly.

I know that at 40-45 your bf def. can still be a great father, if he's active and healthy, but it's really how you feel. If you feel the age difference, then it's not something to ignore...it doesn't go away-at least in my case. But, these age-gap relationships (from reading, can work out great) if you can. I'd like to know more about how your family feels.