I blew it for sure...

Damn I blew it... I made up some stupid excuse to go and see her to get my ties for church... its a sat. night about 8:00 and i knock on the door... there is a sheet blocking the window by the door, and I know exactly why its there because we did that when we wanted our alone time together, It takes her quite some time to answer, i ask for my ties, and I look and see the creep she met 3 days ago is pulling on his pants, her bra is on the ironing board and she is a dishoveled mess... I lose it all over again and ask her repeatedly why is she doing this to herself, all she says it that is none of my business, and then she throws everything I did wrong to her back in my face, then proceeds to tell me that this 19 yr old boy, who only wants her for her body is more of a man than I ever was to her. I ask her again how she can do this to herself, and she tells me its all my fault... she doesn't eat, or sleep, I did this to her... I look at her and tell her I never wanted to hurt you, and that I only love you, and I can't see you doing this... she screams and tells me to get the F**k out... she walks up to him and wraps up in him and i reach over and gently brush my fingers on her shoulder and ask why... she then losing all eye contact with me, refusing to look me in the eyes, and the creep interjects by saying things to keep her mind off of the things i'm saying... she then looks him in the eyes because he starts kissing her neck, he whispers in her ears, and then she starts kissing him, i mean full on making out with me looking right at her... doesn't care that i'm standing there, the person that loves her, and was always there for her, she doesn't even care about how I feel... then he decides to call the sheriffs, she takes the phone from him and gives them all my info, right in front of me... she hurt me so much... I loved her so much, I only cared about her, and her happiness... I loved her sooo much, we were suppose to wed in the fall, we talked about having a family and kids... I love her so much and she does this to me... i blew it didn't I? I'm never seeing her again... and I want nothing more than to be with her.... its so painful, i would never wish the pain that i'm feeling on anyone, except for maybe the creep... I need help... this hurts to much...

I am soooo sorry that you had to see that That's a horrible thing and I cannot imagine.

First thing that popped into my head though after reading your thread is WHY?

Why would you want to be with her after this?

You didn't blow it, SHE did.

You didn't blow it because there is nothing to screw up. You are trying to control her feelings for her by reason and that just won't work. I don't think she has even started to deal with how you your relationship ended and she is just transferring her emotions the the next guy that comes along. You are not going to convince her how much you love her no matter what you do. She will have to decide on her own. As far as hurting you like that, I don't know why some people do these things but usually when they don't want to face the truth they lash out and hurt the one that is making them think about it. It is time for you to begin to take reality head on and start some sort of healing for yourself. You can PM me anytime if you like.

lost

I think the things that hurts the most is that she could hurt me like that, before when we were together she never did anything like that... she changed so much in 3 days than the whole time we were together... I don't know what to do... and I still love her, because she was my love... and always will be, she showed me that I could love someone unconditionally, I loved everything about her... and now she just hurts me... its painful...

I think the things that hurts the most is that she could hurt me like that, before when we were together she never did anything like that... she changed so much in 3 days than the whole time we were together... I don't know what to do... and I still love her, because she was my love... and always will be, she showed me that I could love someone unconditionally, I loved everything about her... and now she just hurts me... its painful...

I know how you feel hun, I do. It's amazing how your bf/gf can go from completely "loving" you to just throwing you away like yesterdays trash. But the thing that gets me is well, if they were so willing to do that then...think about it...did they ever really love you? Because well, that's not love.

I would never, to this day think to do the things that my EX did to me during and after our relationship because it WAS love on my part.

You shouldn't want to intentionally hurt the ones you love or the ones you say you love...

She KNEW what she was doing to you was hurting you, how could it not?

yeah I can see what your saying... I guess thinking about it, that hurts to, the possibility that she never really loved me... Why do we have to feel such a strong bond or connection to someone we truly care about and why does it linger for so long when you want to be free of the pain... I have so many questions and not enough answers... I still don't know why she broke up with me... I'm sure it had to do with my problems but she never told me why... thats enough to drive someone crazy....

Sometimes you just never know.

I still don't know. But I am almost past the point where I don't even care.

happened to me man, it sucks i know. unfortunately im probably a lot younger than you and im still seeing the girl who did it to me its a terrible fact that girls spread their legs when there on the rebound i suggest NC but then agian im not you and im still seeing the * * * * that did it to me. your call do what you think is right. read some of superdave71s threads they really do help and give you inspiration. goodluck!

I just have to ask why? Why would you go round there? I'm sure you knew in the back of your head that you would see or hear something that you wouldn't want to.

I'm not trying to be rude but why put yourself in a position to be hurt, I agree she blew it but you're the one in the firing line at the moment and the bullets you're taking are going straight through your heart, so I just had to ask why? Why don't you step off the firing range and stop making up excuses to see her. It's her loss, don't give her a reason to make your life hell, you don't need her.

she changed so much in 3 days than the whole time we were together...

She didn't change my dear - this is the real her. The real person you fell in love with.

The best kind of love isn't just one sided, and although you had great times together, you must accept that this is all in the past now.

Don't put yourself in a position that will only bring on more hurt.

I thank you all for your advice... I go back because I love her... I want us to be happy and I care about her, but now it hurts too much. The pain is to unbearable, but I don't want to let her go from my life for good... its not so easy for me... I am going NC, hoping that it will make things better for me. Its all hard though... I mean I truly loved her, it was not a fling, it was true love, I pictured myself by her side growing old together, I pictured our kids, and waking up to her for eternity... all this happened so suddenly... so painful... I miss her... I know I sound like a poor sap, but I still love her with all my heart even after all that she has done to me... my heart weeps for her, why is she doing all this to herself... and why just throw me away??? I wish I knew the answers... maybe it would makes things a little easier...

You sound just like me a month ago. It may seem like you want to spend the rest of your life with her but that's only because you're hurting right now and you're afraid to be without her, but you have to accept it. You have to accept there's nothing you can do, that's the first step, until you admit and accept that it's over and that there's nothing you can do then all of us giving you advice might as well bang our heads against a wall.

You go back because you're trying to convince yourself that this is not real, that she's not moved on already when she has, you need to stop going to see her, otherwise you risk her not wanting you even as a friend or you may push her even further into his arms. Trust me I know your situation all too well. Like I said the first step is to accept you can't do anything to change her mind, it's over. My ex told me that too many times and I always said there was something I could do, that I could change, big mistake, I now know and see that there is nothing I could have done to change things, I had to accept it and move on myself. It hurt don't get me wrong but once you've accepted it then at least that's half the battle over with.

I've read your story but can't for the life of me right now remember all the details of it but you need to leave her alone, that's what it all boils down to. One of my good friends is going out with my ex and when I found out(he told me in person)I wished him and her all the best, it took every fibre in my body not to deck the guy because he was being incredibly condescending to me("She's happier with me then she ever was with you", "I hope we can still be friends")but I told him to take care of her and went out of the picture for about a month. I made the mistake of contacting her near her birthday to say happy bday and the like and we continued talking for about 2 weeks but then we had a big arugment and she told me to never contact her again. I couldn't have been happier to be honest, it wasn't intentional but at least now I had no need to contact her ever again, regardless of how I felt at the time. That was another month ago and I'm still as strong as ever.

Here's my whole story because I don't want to hijack your thread >>

But anyway the bottom line is accept it. You can't do anything. Ironically the best thing(doing nothing)is still doing something and that something is a good thing because 1. It allows you to move on and better yourself as a person and 2. It's giving them space to decide and most importantly to miss you and think about you. You're being too needy and clingy going over to hers all the time. Cut her out of your life.

P.S. Don't reply that you can't accept it, because you can, and you have to, there's no other option. You have to accept it's over and move on, for yourself.

You said this guy is 19? How old is she? She met him three days ago and is all over him like a rash...you come over and she makes a big point of making out with him in front of you...I would say that SHE is the one who is totally messed up and hurting. If she wasn't hurting big time do you really think she would be putting on that kind of show. More like she would be embarrassed and would be trying to rush you out...instead she made a big production. Nope, not someone who has really let go of the past...she is using sex to drown her sorrows, much like some people use alcohol. So you really didn't lose much...you basically lost a loser..no great loss. Pick yourself up and don't go there anymore. As much as that scene must have been dreadful to watch...like watching a train crash in slow motion, use that vision to help you realize she is not so special and not worthy of your tears.

John, listen to CAD she knows what she is talking about!!!

I would've puked all over the place if I was you seeing them two! She has no respect for you whatsoever! I'd disappear for good if I were you! Why waste your time on someone like that she has no morals! I'm sorry you had to go through that I feel for you man! She blew it, not you!!! Makes me sick thinking about what you went through, YUK!

Hang in there buddy go strict NC and ignore her at all cost! Stay strong and take care of yourself!

gee

People, read his previous thread. He was abusive toward her. I understand her anger. I think it might be her anger from her childhood combined with yours and this is why you get it.

I'm not saying you deserve it, because it certainly is very harsh and hurtful. I think you should go see someone for your anger issue. That's the only way you'll have a shot at a real working relationship then.

Thank you all again, I have learned to accept its over, and that I need to move on for myself... and yes pinkie is right I was abusive to her, I could count the times on my hand, in fact it was 4 times I pushed her 3 and hit her once, all different occasions but in that order... after I hit her I realized I had to do something, so I did start going to the VA for couseling and speaking to my Branch President (aka pastor/priest) I started talking to people about it, and I stopped abusing her the way I did, we still got into fight but it wasn't like it was, I know that I brought on some of the feelings towards me, but I deserve that, however I don't deserve the treatment that I am getting from her, and I shouldn't be told I'm responsible for her actions right now, she has her freedom of choice and is doing this to herself... also since she told me I had to fix my problems I have concentrated more than ever to better myself... I took the things out of my life that brought on stress, or an increased heart rate... I stopped listening to music, and started re-focusing my life on God (For those that are no religious and still giving me advice, i'm sorry if I offend you, but I have found by doing this for myself, I have brought about great change) I always grew up "religious" but now I'm trying to live it to the best of my ability and it is evident that I have changed, I'm started to gain a control on my feelings and emotions even when I get upset... don't get me wrong I still want to pound that guys face into the ground, but I don't scream at her or yell at her even as she does all this to me... but of course It wouldn't be getting better if I only felt this way with her, so I started to see how I felt when I was angry or upset and realized I am taking a hold of the reins and gaining my life back. It such a wonderfully exhilarating experience that just so happens to be going on in the background of misery... again thank you all for you advice... I know I can't take back the things I did to her, all I can do (and have done) is tell her how sorry I am that I hurt her, and ask for her forgiveness, and to learn from my mistakes, so I don't repeat them again...

good for you. goodluck.

Its all happening pretty quick, yesterday she gave back the phone I bought her, I guess this new guy is putting her on his phone plan... anyways I didn't see her or anything, she gave it to a friend of mine to give to me. It sucks because now I have no number to reach her, but I guess thats also a blessing in disguise... She really doesn't want to ever talk to me again... If you really love someone how can you do what she is doing???

U said it, she doesnt love you. ITs really simple. She probably stop loving you sometime ago. I think its not until they are over you that people break up with you.

Let's see, you abused her. BAD. You go to her house and don't leave when you know she has company. BAD. You then confront her in front of this man. BAD. You stay so long they have to call the authorities. BAD. You try mind control to get her to come back to you. BAD. She is no winner, but you take the cake. I know you're hurting, but channel your pain constructively.

John, you really need to be in control of your feelings and emotions. You both royally screwed over each other. Plus, from what i've read, I dont think she did even love you to begin with. To me, she doesnt understand the word love at all

how did i try "mind control" I don't want her back... did you even read my posts??? I'm so confused... I know I did BAD BAD things but I know I didn't do them on purpose and only for a short time... I STOPPED doing the BAD BAD things... I learned and moved on... I'm not trying to mind control her... I just want her to know that she is going to get hurt, I don't care if she comes back at this point... she hurt me far too much... I just know her... I know that she is going to be hurt... I never have seen so much confusion and anguish in her eyes before like the night i was over there... I know I did horrible things... but I don't believe I take the cake as you say... I hit her twice I know its bad and I know i'm filth for doing it, but I learned and I stopped and I stopped yelling and I told her I was done yelling and fighting, I started changing who I was... I took that curse and learned from it... you don't think i feel sick everyday about it?? I turned into the person I said I would never become... I have to move on... i can't keep dwelling on the things I did, I have to take it a learn from it... As much as I know I screwed up... I know I didn't deserve all that she has done to me since the break up... I worked out my problems and still got thrown away... does that make sense??? So don't tell me I take the cake... For everyone else I do appreciate your comments, I do understand some of the things I need to do... and I do know i need to care about myself... sometimes its just very hard... I did love her so much... and only cared about her happiness, and even though she has hurt me, I still love her... and miss her...

John, I know you care about her but if she gets hurt let her find out on her own! That isn't your problem anymore! Forget about her and keep your mind occupied with other things like going to the gym, reading relationship/self-improvement books that takes your mind off things! I wish you the best buddy! Good luck!