Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: Tired of Superficial Confidence

  1. #1
    Bronze Member jayn-16's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    USA
    Age
    35
    Posts
    121
    Gender
    Male

    Tired of Superficial Confidence

    Hi everybody
    I'm really tired of putting on a fake veil of confidence, why doesn't the confidence come from within ??
    This type of confidence does make me appear good and it works very well. But I have to consciously put it on. It does not come naturally. It breaks down where spontaneity is required or in difficult conditions. So for example when a gorgeous girl or a high-level manager walks into the elevator, I totally go blank (sometimes even stammer).

    What do I do to make it come naturally ? It has been 2-3 years since I'm making an effort to improve myself. But I feel like I've to live with fake confidence all my life. Please give some suggestions or suggest some self help books.
    Thanks a lot !!

  2. #2
    Gold Member Russ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Vancouver
    Posts
    929
    Gender
    Male
    My golden rule. Hit the gym.

    Physical appearance MAJORLY depends on physical appearance, if nothing else does.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member jayn-16's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    USA
    Age
    35
    Posts
    121
    Gender
    Male
    Yup, I have been hitting the gym for a couple of years now. It does pep me up.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Russ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Vancouver
    Posts
    929
    Gender
    Male
    Well, I don't think there's as many self-help books you can spend money on as maybe a therapist of sorts? I mean, to kill the myth now, shrinks aren't for crazy people. They're for anyone with any sort of problem, no matter how small. And you just voiced yours.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Bronze Member jayn-16's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    USA
    Age
    35
    Posts
    121
    Gender
    Male
    yes thanks, I didnt think of that option.

  7. #6
    mgirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Around
    Posts
    2,176
    Gender
    Female
    Jayn,

    Confidence is something you slowly build up over time. The false confidence you talk about is something that i think most of us experience at some time in our lives, especially at the beginning, so don't think you are abnormal just because you don't feel 'confident'. I don't think many of us do at times!

    But, having said that, you start building it up by getting to know yourself, your preferences, how you like to treat others and how you like to be treated. Confidence is really another word for 'knowing yourself' and being confortable with yourself. In a way really, confidence is something you earn. Think about it this way, a fine wine doesn't taste good until it's matured. Well, that's how confidence is, a sort of maturity...

    And, by the way, the gym will only get you so far. It's great for endorphins and happy hormones, but as far as developing your tastes, preferences and creativity, 'you' time is the best for that. Although exercise will give you a clear head so you can think better.

    So, yeah, i'd say a bit of exercise combined with a bit of reflection, a plan to get to know yourself, and some activities, will definitely help give you 'true' confidence.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Russ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Vancouver
    Posts
    929
    Gender
    Male
    It's not about endorphins. That feeling is short term.It's much more simple than that. When you see people smiling at you, instead of turning their heads in disgust, it makes you feel good about yourself. You don't want to crawl back to the hole you crawled out of. And when that happens, you start to be able to accept yourself for your own tastes, preferences and creativity, instead of having to alter them. Although I'm sure trying new things will give you a bit of a direction of how to meet new people.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Age
    32
    Posts
    2,886
    Gender
    Male
    While physical health does seem to play some kind of role for most people in regards to 'self esteem', so too does our mental training.

    It's just a matter of not thinking about what might happen, but simply accepting what happens in the moment, because you cannot argue with reality. It just is. If you approach someone and nothing happens, then nothing happens. At least you did it, and can then move on and be that much more comfortable the next time around. Do not worry about what happens. You can only control so much - it's not worth getting wrapped up in what didn't go 'right'. It's just an unnecessary internal battle that prevents us from being happy.

    People are just people regardless of what they look like, the language they speak, etc. If you always take someone for their face value, judging a book by its cover ('Oh, I can't talk to that person'), then that may be a very big delusion. However, it can be challenging to take off the judgmental goggles and talk to someone as if they were part of your family if you seldom put yourself in situations where there are always people around.

    You cannot make anything come naturally, because then it wouldn't be natural. It just happens when you are not directly thinking about it. Being sociable around others can be nerve-wracking, but it begins to slip away when you don't think about it, when you don't put meaning into the situation, or even any expectations of what should or shouldn't happen (in your mind).

    Be well.

  10. #9

    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Location
    Malibu, CA
    Age
    27
    Posts
    1
    Gender
    Female
    I agree with you.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,084
    Confidence stems from security. Secure people don't have to impress anybody. The more you have going on in your life whether it's money, achievements, success, family, relationships, marriage or whatever, the more silence there is because of security, contentment and settled comfort. When a person is self confident, they're not self conscious. They're totally oblivious to those around them. I am and I'm in my own little world in public, however, in a good way. I don't stare at people because I could care less.

    With the high-level manager, just act natural. Say, "hello" just as you would your immediate colleagues. Don't act weird.

    If you want it to come naturally, relax and don't be so nervous and tense. Don't think about yourself. Step outside yourself, be kind yet don't over do it otherwise you'll be perceived as strange. Be cordial; no more no less and with practice, your self confidence will grow over time.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •