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Thread: Why don't I want to talk to anyone?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2005

    Why don't I want to talk to anyone?

    I am a 52 year old woman. I have always been a shy, quiet person around people that I don't know well. I have many friends that I feel comfortable with. But as to other people, in the work force or everyday acquaintances, I don't want to be bothered.

    Does this sound selfish, or could it be depression? I am going through menopause at this time and I am not sure if that is the cause. But, I really just like to keep to myself (always did as a child).

    When I am not with my b/f, I just want to come home, lock the door, and be at peace. I have two children that are in college full time. So, on the average, I am on my own which I love. I have been divorced for 14 years from my ex-husband. So, I basically raised my children alone. I work with special needs children all day at a Junior High School.

    Out of my work environment, I don't want to fraternize with people in the stores, or markets. Why is this happening to me? And, how can I make it better?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Daligal83's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    You say that you're happy this way, so why are you looking to make a change? Not everyone has to be social and outgoing. As long as you have strong, healthy relationships in your life, you don't have to make friends with everyone that crosses your path.

  3. #3
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    I used to be really quiet because I was constantly afraid of saying the wrong thing (product of my bizarre upbringing). So, at one point, I forced myself to get a job in retail because I knew I would have to interact with tons of people. It was uncomfortable at times, but it helped me so much with feeling more comfortable with social interaction.

    I don't know if you would want to take on a second job, but there are other options like doing volunteer work on occasion, joining a book club, taking up some other activity.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    If you were shy as a child, and shy as an adult, what makes you think you need to be Rachel Ray now?

    If you think this IS a problem there is a condition called "Social Anxiety Syndrome" or something like that. I seem to recall it can be treated with Xanax, but I could be easily be wrong.

    I highly recomment a visit to your Dr. See what he/she thinks.

  5. #5
    Silver Member arwen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    The Netherlands
    As long as you are happy with it, I think it's no problem to be a bit by yourself if that is what you need. However, I think you are not mentioning depression without a reason here. If you feel blue and have been feeling that for a long time, I really think you should consult a doctor. Especially since your hormonal balances and changes could really contribute to this.

    Do you have girlfriends? I think just seeing them regularly, not a LOT, but just to chat, have company, go for coffee or shopping, will keep you from being completely isolated. I think being completely isolated isn't good for anyone.

    Take care,


  6. #6
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    your job sounds really stressful, i can understand wanting to go home and not deal with anything after a day of special-needs teens. but since you have an inkling it might be depression, have you considered some talk therapy?

    what about doing something low key, like taking a weekend pottery class where you can associate with adults doing something you like, but that isn't going out on wild nights on the town.

  7. #7
    mr me
    Silver Member mr me's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    I dont know but alot of people dont understand the whole introvert/extrovert aspect of their personality. I would pick up the book Introvert Advantage because to me that kinda helped me deal with this type of issues. I was really different then alot of people and i always wondered what it was. I grew up with the idea of being quiet or shy as being wrong. Its kinda crazy because i can see alot of my family is introverted but they all try to be outgoing all the time. Its part of my culture but its really annoying. The book is written by a specialist when it comes to introverts she also has other books that i feel like might be useful to anyone interested.

    I learned alot and it kinda puts into perspective your traits and also how u could use them to help you instead of feeling that they are hurting you.

  8. #8
    Platinum Member shes2smart's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Shrine of Seven Stars
    If you've always been like that, there's a good chance that it's just your personality...and there's nothing "wrong" with you.

    I worked in the radio business for 25+ years as a DJ. When asked what I liked about my job my smart ass answer was always, "I get to spend 5 hours a day in a small room BY MYSELF." Transitioning out of that industry to something else led me to end up taking a lot personality assessment/interest inventory types of tests to figure out what types of work and work environments I should be looking for.

    Turns out my smart ass answer was right on the mark -- I don't like working with/being around a lot of other people, I don't like small-talk/surface interactions, and I prefer my own company or the company of people I already know to that of strangers or people I don't know very well.

    Nothing wrong me, that's just who I am. If I try to be something different (more outgoing/sociable), I can pull it off for short time, but inevitably it makes me cranky and ill-at-ease -- where I am likely to say or do something that will cause people to leave me alone.

    Now, if your desire to be alone is a recent development and you have historically been more social/outgoing, then perhaps you would want to dig a little deeper for a reason. Christiane Northrup wrote a very interesting book about menopause that you might want to take a look at. Your local library probably has it. link removed One of the things I recall her writing about in that book was that, for many women, menopause is a time when they become more "themselves" because they are not distracted by finding a mate/raising children/tending to a family and so forth. I liked the way she worded it...something about the veil of hormones being lifted and being able to see clearly for the first time since childhood...or something along those lines.


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