My girlfriend was raped

Hey everyone, my girlfriend was raped this past weekend, basically i was supposed to meet up with her but this other kid showed up and she wouldnt tell him to leave so I got mad and then it turns out he ended up raping her. I am so mad, sad, angry, feel like my girlfriend was taken from me, disqusted, scared, a whole range of emotions.

Me and my girlfriend were doing a whole lot better until this happened, now I don't know what to do or how to handle this, all thats been on my mind is him touching her and doing stuff to her, I want to feel better about this so I can help her out with the obvious pain she must have which she says she is fine but I dont believe it. I asked her if she would come forward with this to someone and she said no she feels embarrased and doesnt want to. She said she was drinking that night but she wasnt out of it when this happened, and when it all happened she froze. Now shes saying she feels like she doesnt remember, its a blur.

Go to the police immediately.

Did you take her to the hospital? Or call the police?

I found out about it three days after it happened because she was afraid to tell me, she refuses to let me help her through it to report it or anything

he's going to keep doing it and keep getting away with it if she doesn't go to the police. try to talk to her about that.

first of all call the police, THEN, talk to her and let her know that you are there for her if she hneeds to talk and let her come to you.. keep the pressure off..

lastly, don't blame her or think that she asked for it, etc.. that will lead to problems and eventually a breakup..

This was not her fault, the authorities will be the ones to get the guy though, don't try to be a hero and go after him, be HER hero and suport and love her.. she needs you to support her, not try to avenge her..

Well, if she can't remember then it sounds like he slipped her a roofy. That's serious. And Tulip is right, he won't stop.

She absolutely needs to report it. I understand that some women feel embarrased but it's not right to allow someone who violates women to roam free, looking for his next victim.

You need to be extremely delicate with her right now. She is going to be going through a wide range of emotions and she might not be the same person that you were once in love with. She needs time to heal. Have you suggested counseling to her?

She said she was drinking that night but she wasnt out of it when this happened, and when it all happened she froze. Now shes saying she feels like she doesnt remember, its a blur.

I'm by no means an expert, but from this little part it makes me wonder if she's telling the truth? Don't hate me for bringing it up, but it's exactly what the police would ask.

From what you've said though, I'd really push her to go to the police and report it - and if she doesn't I'd consider doing it yourself and have the police ask her if it's a legitimate claim directly. Even if the relationship fails I think (eventually) she'd thank you for it.

Before you start making accusations, you need to make sure she is definitely telling the truth. I'm not saying anyone is lying, nor that it didn't happen.

But I know that it may be an attention thing. Or perhaps, like what happened to me, she says she was raped but in actual fact she thought it would be easier to say that than she cheated on you.

I dunno, I'm just saying, it's a mighty big accusation to be throwing around.

Do the right thing and go to the police!

Your gf may not like it but she will get round and it's for the best. 'With' your gf, be very gentle to her from now on.

I have been gentle around her, i asked her if she is going to have any issues being around me and having any contact physically and she said no.

She really hasnt wanted to talk about it, and I feel like if I went to the police with this on my own, she would refuse to ever talk to me again because I am one of two people who know, her parents dont even know.

sorry to hear that... that is terrible... was that a friend?

i think she needs you right now... you got to be strong for her...

I'm no expert on this but I've bolded the issues that make me question whether you're getting the whole story.

1) Was this a longtime friend of hers? Why wouldn't she tell him to leave?

2) Wasn't out of it when it happened is what she stated originally - with the ability to remember what happened. But now it's all a blur?

I apologize in advance to those that this doesn't sit well with but it just seems somewhat questionable to me. That she's not sharing the whole truth.

Does she still talk to this guy?

the guy is an ex of hers who has been her friend for the past few years. They only recently began talking again. There was a fireworks display on sunday night, i was supposed to go but she told me he was going to be there so i was angry and hurt that it seemed like she chose him over me.

Apparantley he showed up and stayed there, then drove her home, and asked if he could come in for a minute, since her parents weren't home this is when the trouble started.

Now this is really starting to sound suspicious..

If she was raped it is not your right to go to the police behind her back. They won't do a thing unless she herself reports it. If she doesn't want to then you cannot force her into it. All those trying to guilt you and her into doing that aren't thinking about how she might be feeling.

Right now, your priority is your girlfriend. Not getting "justice", not getting revenge, not yourself. It's her. And if you screw this up things can go really wrong. I speak from experience. My girlfriend isn't here to tell you her experience so I have to speak for both of us. She did go to the police but she regretted doing it. It made her feel worse and she ended up refusing all professional help from counsellors and therapists. She wouldn't open up and talk to anyone but inside she was dying. Don't think about what "should be done". Think about what she wants and feels.

I agree with tuxthecutie and Jmonkey. This sounds kind of suspicious. Be sure to be true to yourself.

Is this the same ex she was texting recently and said "do you like me?"

i agree with 15... and what a jerk...

is this is the same ex who she was obsessed with and started talking to alot after he broke up with his gf??

yes the same ex that started talking to her constantly after breaking up with this girlfriend

first of all call the police, THEN, talk to her and let her know that you are there for her if she hneeds to talk and let her come to you.. keep the pressure off..

 

lastly, don't blame her or think that she asked for it, etc.. This was not her fault, the authorities will be the ones to get the guy though, don't try to be a hero and go after him, be HER hero and suport and love her.. she needs you to support her, not try to avenge her..

I can understand her reluctance to go to the police. Most rape victims feel guilt and shame. You should coax her at least into an office visit with her gynecologist to be sure she wasnt torn or damaged inside and to be tested for STD's. She doesnt have to tell them what happened.

 

Also, she should see a counselor, priest, anyone who can listen objectively, comfort and offer her advice. She really needs to talk to someone on a professional level. Good Luck.

I agree with this. She needs serious help at this point, and justice needs to take place with the guy...call the police.

15 Storeys is exactly right. You cannot go to the police for her... it is HER claim, and hers alone.

Furthermore, I tend to agree with those who are a bit skeptical of her story at this point... the fact that this guy is someone she knows and she chose to have stay (wouldn't ask to leave, chose over you even?)... said she remembered everything, THEN claimed things were blurry... Perhaps she is telling the truth, or perhaps things went to far and she just deeply regrets things, it is hard to say.

Before you start seeking justice, I would recommend trying to be there for her, being very gentle and understanding, and hopefully the two of you can have a heart to heart talk. Do not accuse her of anything, but let her know that she can trust you. It kinda seems like her story isn't entirely straight here.

How has she seemed day to day? Her moods and emotions? Her daily activities?

Anything changed? Does she truly seem to be affected by this incident?

I'm just going to put it out there. With her recent actions, moodiness, way she's treated you.... I think it's a good possibility that she was not actually "raped." I think it's possible that she had interest in her ex, one thing lead to another, and she felt bad and that she needed to give you an explanation but wasn't willing to take responsibility of her actions.