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Thread: how long should a 1st date last?

  1. #1
    LAYAAN
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    Question how long should a 1st date last?

    Hello all,
    How long should a 1st date last? (I'm talking about dating with an interest to get married, that serious kinda dating where a guy n a girl have met on a dating site, are in their 30's & are not dating to sleep around)
    in my opinion an hour - if we are sitting in a coffee shop & doing nothing but talking.
    if there is any activity involved in addition to eating, then probably 2-3 hours.
    What do you think guys? okay, call me stupid but I don't want to know too much about a man, his interests, relatives, talking about some stupid movies, weather, job, economy etc. unless I know that he is interested in going on a 2nd date with me. I want to know about him just enough to know that he is the guy that I'd like to go on a 2nd date, I'm okay with the way he looks & his job & his interests, opinions on some important topics from what it appears so far. Is that too business like approach guys?
    Let's face it, first date should be nothing more than meet & greet. How I look (or how I don't look), carry myself, talk, smile etc. has a significant impact on whether the guy will be attracted to me or not. So, he is anyways not gonna pay attention to my interest in rocket science, why bother to spend so much time?
    thank you for your attention & your input.
    P.S. - I am very new to dating world. I come from a culture where parents introduce kids or arrange their marriage.

  2. #2
    Crazyaboutdogs
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    Okay, I guess this must be related to your previous post. There is no time frame for a first date. If you are having a good time, you don't cut it short. If you go in to a first date with the "let's get it over with and get out of here" attitude, it will most definitely show and it will be a turn-off to the guy. Given that you were already late and then you had it in your head that a first date should be an hour tops, you probably came accross as not being too keen. Yes, first dates can be painful..but if you want it to lead to a second date, you have to not give the impression that you can't wait for the hour to be up.

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    Mun
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    Oh well that just depends. If you are going for a meet and greet and he suggests diner then the date will probably run 2-3 hours. You don't want to stay out longer than that. Something about a date that goes on and on is not good... you could do or say something you wouldn't normally have done. You kinda want to leave them wanting more...

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    CaptainNapalm
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    I would never put a time limit on a first date and would never even think about it. I've had a few first dates that lasted less than an hour and few drinks/dinner dates that lasted 7 hours. Point being, you don't want to cut the date short if the chemistry is there and conversation flowing nicely. If you like a man and he likes you, and if he is sharing his stories with you (ones you don't care about), and you cut him off and tell him you want to go home you run the risk of coming off as not interested and he may just end up going out with another woman from a dating site tomorrow who will listen to his stories and experiences. It's kind of ackward to sit down with someone for the first time, eat and drink for less than an hour and tell them oh I really like you but let's go.

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    Pocket Rocket
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    I think for the first date it can last as long as you'd like, however, make it short enough to leave them wondering and looking forward to a second date. I've been told before that first dates are best as lunch dates because if the date isn't going well you can always say you have somewhere to go, but if not, you can stay longer. Have you guys spoken to each other a lot before? It really depends on how good a time you and the other person are having.

  6. #6
    Iceman26
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    I would just kind of play the date by ear. If everything is going well I'd extend the date a little bit and of course it is most important to get feedback from your date.

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    Daligal83
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    I think that if you're having a good time and don't need to be anywhere else, why cut it short? But you also need to pay attention to cues from the other person to make sure they are on the same page.

    I went on a date once with a guy where we had said we would go to the museum together. We met there with me taking the bus and him driving. We had a nice time there and he asked if I wanted to get some food, so I said OK. That was nice too, but then I was pretty much ready to go home. Then he wanted to hang out more and suggested going to Barnes and Noble and he got some coffee and we sat and talked. Then he said that we should check out what's going on that night for us to go to. He kind of just assumed we were hanging out ALL day long. I kept saying that I had plans with other people to go watch the basketball game. I wasn't being rude or anything...I mean our date started at 12:30 pm and it was after dinner now. He wasn't getting the hint or making any sort of move to take me home, so I caved and asked if he wanted to come. He said yes. But that of course made my friend feel awkward and like I didn't want to hang out with her. It was obvious that this was becoming somewhat of an issue, yet he STILL made no move to just take me home. I unfortunately did not have the guts to just say, listen I have plans for tonight so maybe I should head home. So he came over instead and we kept talking. He stayed until midnight when I said that I wanted to go to sleep. I'm sure in his head he was thinking, this date was so wonderful that it lasted for twelve hours! While I was thinking, oh my god this date would never end!

    From that long story, my point is that if both of you are having fun, there's no reason to put a time limit on a date. But listen to cues from the other person to really see if they want to hang out more or if they're hinting at having other plans or other sings of wanting the date to end.

  8. #8
    Batya33
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    I agree- no real shoulds other than other plans you have later, or having to be at work the next morning. I try not to plan a first "meet" for longer than an hour or so so that no one feels obligated to hang around (when I used to do those first meets). One of my most fun first meets though was him inviting me to see his friend from college sing at a local bar. She was great, it was fun and now she's made it pretty big! He and I got along fine but there was no real spark.

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    Yates33
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    A few hours (around two at most) to get acquainted with one another and leave each other wanting more. I was never a fan of these 7 hour 1st and 2nd dates.

  10. #10
    william_smith

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    Hi, well according to me if you are in a date with a girl whom u like very much then you will not be able to know how much time has gone. Well usually a date lasts till 1 or 2 hour.

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