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Thread: "dating" so soon after?

  1. #1
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    "dating" so soon after?

    Okay, so my girlfriend needs a "break" from us, she says things could work, but there are a lot of factors that say it wont...so, we are broken up. I'm not happy about it, but we've been in a kind of limbo for a couple weeks now of still talking & basically me groveling & trying to get her back...stupid, I know.

    so, even though i'm not happy about the breakup, I am terribly bored at home alone, most of my friends are married, etc.

    so, I posted a craigslist "strictly platonic" ad...just to find a nice girl to pass some time with. I'm going out w/ her tonight.

    what do you guys think of using dating/meeting new people as a way of getting your mind off things? healthy? or just a way to hide from your feelings for a while?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member darkblue's Avatar
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    I'm reminded of friends.

    "We were on a break!"

    Friendship is fine. But if it goes past that, there's no reversing the clock. And if you do feel there is a chance to get back with your ex, and you want to - I wouldn't advise getting into a relationship.

  3. 05-23-2008, 06:22 PM

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    Platinum Member Aviatormy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by darkblue
    I'm reminded of friends.

    "We were on a break!"

    Friendship is fine. But if it goes past that, there's no reversing the clock. And if you do feel there is a chance to get back with your ex, and you want to - I wouldn't advise getting into a relationship.


    I disagree with this post, Sorry

    I think that if your "EX" (and that is exactly what she is now) is not sure about what she wants with you then you are SINGLE.

    If she wants to take the time to decide if you are what she wants then she has to take that risk of possibly losing you.

    I don't think that there is anything wrong with you exploring the dating world. You may have absolutely ZERO intentions of developing anyhting with this girl tonight but what if there is a connection? What if you find her to be strikingly beautiful in person and there is a really positive connection between the two of you?

    Do not punish this girl that you are seeing tonight just because you'r ex GF is unsure if she wants to be with you. You could possibly have a long lasting relationship with this girl tonight.

    Honestly, approach this encounter tonight with an open mind. Try not to have your ex haunting your every thought and decision. If the feeling is right and you like this new girl then go for it. If you end up establishing a relationship with this girl then tell your ex immediately. You can not be two faced and have this girl tonight and still wait for your ex to make up her mind.

    I have had a girl tell me that she was not ready to be with me and that she wanted to take some time to think about whether or not she is ready for a relationship. I respected her wishes but I also told her that I am not going to hold my breath. She agreed that I shouldn't wait for her because she didn't want me to miss an opportunity to be happy. Well about 2 weeks into her "thought" process, I met a really nice girl whom I thought I had a lot in common with. We started to date and I called my ex that was still "thinking" and told her about this new girl. She was RAGED! lol.

    When it was all said and done, that new girl and I didn't work out but we have no regrets. As for the girl that wanted time to think things over.... She has been in and out of 3 relationships now and still doesn't know what she wants lol.

    Moral of the story, never wait for someone. The one that will love you on the level that you need to be loved requires no time to think about what they want. They will just take things a day at a time with you and love you the best that they can. The only things that you need to give someone time with are...

    Deciding on a wedding date

    Time to cool down after an argument

    time to themselves

    Time with their family and friends

    Time to relax

    and time on the toilet lol


    Just move on and have no regrets about your decisions. If you have not met anyone by the time she figures her life out... then you can think about a relationship. If you end up hooking up with this girl tonight then no worries, you are doing nothing wrong. Just make sure that you are over the idea of "love" with your ex and are ready to move on if you decide to be with someone else. Other than that, nothing else matters

    Good luck tonight!

  5. #4
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    It's a valid distraction. I'm doing it and the occasional rejection can cause me to feel worse than before I started, but in general, it's great.

    Just be careful of the rebound effect - so my friends keep telling me. So don't just jump for the first girl you get on well with or shag, get to know them first. You know the usual stuff...

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    cool, thanks guys & gals...i'm not looking to "fall in love with thtis girl, but a good distraction should do me well.
    have a good weekend, all.

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    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by darkblue
    I'm reminded of friends.

    "We were on a break!"

    Friendship is fine. But if it goes past that, there's no reversing the clock. And if you do feel there is a chance to get back with your ex, and you want to - I wouldn't advise getting into a relationship.
    I disagree. She took the risk and that's the consequences of her actions.

  9. #7
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Aviatormy

    I have had a girl tell me that she was not ready to be with me and that she wanted to take some time to think about whether or not she is ready for a relationship. I respected her wishes but I also told her that I am not going to hold my breath. She agreed that I shouldn't wait for her because she didn't want me to miss an opportunity to be happy. Well about 2 weeks into her "thought" process, I met a really nice girl whom I thought I had a lot in common with. We started to date and I called my ex that was still "thinking" and told her about this new girl. She was RAGED! lol.
    Same thing happened to me. My gf and I just recently got back together. She broke up with me because she wasn't sure of her feelings and it was something she needed to do alone. She said she knew that she was taking the risk of losing me, but she was willing to take that risk because it was something she really needed to do for herself.

    Then we got back together and she was upset that I had a crush on someone while we were apart! what???? hahahahaah

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    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by joeshmoe
    Okay, so my girlfriend needs a "break" from us, she says things could work, but there are a lot of factors that say it wont...so, we are broken up. I'm not happy about it, but we've been in a kind of limbo for a couple weeks now of still talking & basically me groveling & trying to get her back...stupid, I know.

    so, even though i'm not happy about the breakup, I am terribly bored at home alone, most of my friends are married, etc.

    so, I posted a craigslist "strictly platonic" ad...just to find a nice girl to pass some time with. I'm going out w/ her tonight.

    what do you guys think of using dating/meeting new people as a way of getting your mind off things? healthy? or just a way to hide from your feelings for a while?

    If I was the other girl, I wouldn't be too happy to eventually learn that the guy I dated was only dating me because he was bored, at loose ends because he just got dumped, wanted to keep his mind off the breakup and was still hoping to reconcile with his ex. Would you be happy if a girl dated you for those reasons??

  11. #9
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Crazyaboutdogs
    If I was the other girl, I wouldn't be too happy to eventually learn that the guy I dated was only dating me because he was bored, at loose ends because he just got dumped, wanted to keep his mind off the breakup and was still hoping to reconcile with his ex. Would you be happy if a girl dated you for those reasons??
    I don't see anything wrong with it as long as he's clear about his intentions.

  12. #10
    Platinum Member darkblue's Avatar
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    I do completely understand that the OP has every single right to move on and relationships. If he wants to treat this as a break up - then he should absolutely move on.

    But once you have moved on and dated other's, if an opportunity arises with your ex and you are still interested, it could be very difficult explaining that.

    The door was not completely closed by his 'ex', so I'd be wary of that.


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