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Thread: I Wanna Take My Life

  1. #11
    Gold Member Cuppedia's Avatar
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    It's very sad you had to witness your mother's illness, you and her suffered a lot but she's resting now, do you think there's a reason why you should keep suffering?.

    Your mom maybe fought all those years because she wanted to live, I just lot my aunt to cancer 3 months ago and even after all doctors told her she had days to live she wanted to get better, that must tell us something about how precious life is and why we should try to make the best out of it while we have it.

    You mentioned you just started singing again, that sounds like a very good thing, you must do things you enjoy that help you become a better person, not things that might make you feel okay but will destroy you because death is present anyway, we're all going to die at one point or another but there's no death for as long as there is life, you're here for a reason, to be happy.

    I don't know why some people have to go through the most difficult experiences during the first years of their lives (like you) but whatever it is there's no reason to make it last longer than it should, you're not going to forget what happened but you can find a better way to remember it.

    I lost my father when I was around your age, people often said to me "You'll learn to live with it" and to be honest I never did, I accepted he was gone but there has never been an "I'm fine with it" mentality, I can think it was the best for him but that's about it, and if you ever reach acceptance that's fine and if you ever feel there was a reason for things to have happened that way it's fine too, just get to a place that feels right for you.

    Don't give up.

  2. #12
    Silver Member CynicalGuitarist's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by forever_scarred
    nothing wonderful happens anymore -- im on 7 forums - music - just started singing again
    If it makes you feel less alone... I'm a singer, too. I'm not very good, and it's pretty much all I live for too. I'm sorry about all your pain, and even though, in the end, it's your choice what you do with yourself... I hope you don't pull through. As pathetic and miserable as life is... maybe you might wanna consider what the only good thing in Pandora's Box was? Hope. Maybe think about that for a bit and let it sink in. No matter how bad things get, we always have hope... realistic or not.

    I know how hard it is losing a parent... I lost my dad almost 3 years ago... it hurts to this day, but I just gotta accept it and try to go on with my life the best I can.

    Sorry I can't think of anything else to make you feel better... but I hope you hang on, for hope's sake.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member BellaDonna's Avatar
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    You said that you know your mom would not ever want to see you like this. I know her death has really devastated your life- but please think about your mom when you think about taking the gift of life that she gave to you. You are one of your mom's most important accomplishments- her child. You are one of the ways that her memory and spirit will live on.

    Your life is precious, and I'm sure your mom thought so.

  4. #14

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    Hey!!! i tottly feel you pain!! i want to take me life so badly... When i am driving alone and when i pass by bridges i just want to speed up and slam my car in it!! BUT with my luck i probbly survive!! I tried being happy. I try to keep my self busy all the time but one minute i am alone i just get the most depressing feeling ever..I just don't know what to do anymore!! i given up all hope!!

  5.  

  6. #15
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    Do you have a job? go to school?

  7. #16
    Bronze Member sunset sun rise lover's Avatar
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    no sweetie taking your life is not the way

  8. #17
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    My Story

    OK, I share your feelings. Or I should say I once shared your feeling. I tried to suicide at least 4 times before. I lived with depression that made everyday an ordeal. I was so tired of feeling the pain, the darkness. I figured, if I was a dog, and was in this much pain, you would put them down. So I did some research so that the next time I tried, I would be a "successful suicide". I had my plan, and I would play little games with myself, saying not today, next week. Not this week, next month. And I dragged myself farther down into the depths of despair. No one knew how bad I felt. No one knew my secret little pact with myself.

    Then finally, one day, I woke up and something inside said "today is the day".

    I don't really want to tell you what I did, because it should have been successful. Short of getting a gun, this was suppose to be a sure fire plan. I wrote a note- the first time I ever did. In my attempts before, I never left a note. And then I put my plan into operation. It should have worked.

    It didn't. I lived. I was rushed into emergency as a 5150. After 22 hours in the emergency room (where I had my very own police officer standing next to my side the whole time) I was sent to a mental hospital. In handcuffs, in the back seat of a police car. I was on a 72 hour hold, put on suicide watch. Went before a judge who had a copy of my suicide note, and who looked at me and said "You were serious. You really shouldn't have lived. And I am extending your hold for another 72 hours and then I will re-evaluated your case then."

    It took me a few days, but after a while I realized that it was a miracle that I had lived through it. I never believed in God before, because I had prayed so many times before for relief and never got any. When it dawned on me that through some (divine?) intervention, I was still here on planet earth, I started thinking why?

    And then, a few nights later, in my room in the mental ward, I had some sort of spiritual happening. I felt the presense of God, I felt love, peace and comfort that I had never had before. And I came to realized that though I should be dead, I was saved, for some reason, and more than anything, I wanted to live. Whatever kind of life I had before, I felt that this miracle was bestowed on me, and not to be taken lightly.

    That was the first miracle. There have been several more since that day. Now, even when things go wrong or I have a bad day, my mind never goes back into that dark space I inhabited before. I have been freed from my pitiful demoralized state of depression. I am glad to be happy and alive on planet earth.

    I will pray for you. I know only too well how you feel. If someone had told me what my life would be like today, I wouldn't have had the faith to believe.

    Have faith. YOU are HERE for a REASON, you just don't know it YET.

  9. #18
    Member Unhappy Nobody's Avatar
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    I have become very close to suicide only twice.

    I don't know what truly stopped me other than the sudden realization that I wasn't done yet, I still had goals I wanted to achieve, people I want to love that I haven't yet met, places I wanted to go.

    I have also lost my mother and its heart breaking that you had to watch her suffering but you can beat this pain. We're all given the strength we need to overcome what is thrown at us, It isn't easy but you can do it.

    What helped me afterwards was to surround myself with things that inspired me, motivated me, that I cared about etc. I put up posters, photo's, quotes all over my house and whenever I start to feel low, I turn to them.

    Something else that helps me is a Life Coach, Anthony Robbins.
    He's massive in US and I was a cynic before I started reading his books but he does teach you that you are able, we all are able to overcome anything.
    Its worth googling anyhow because his books and tasks do help.

    Take Care x

  10. #19
    Bronze Member sunset sun rise lover's Avatar
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    hey you ok im here to talk if you need anyone pm ,me

  11. #20
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sunset sun rise lover
    hey you ok im here to talk if you need anyone pm ,me
    Not sure if you're aware but this thread is 11 years old. It would be appreciated if you stop resurrecting ancient threads. Thank you.

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