I'm Married, but have a HUGE crush...

I need opinions. Normally I rely on my wife, but trust me, this isn't the type of situation that I could ever involve her in.

Here goes: Been a faithful guy. Been married for over four years. 25 years old. Two of the most beautiful children you'll ever meet. Well-paying job, 3 bedroom house, etc. Life has been coasting along at a wonderful pace....Until this past January. I met this woman.

We moved into these new buildings where I work and I had never met her before. She sits just one or two rows over from me and I was instantly attracted to her. Surprisingly, she reminded me of my wife. Very light brown skin, soft curves, good teeth, the works. She isn't the most beautiful woman here, but for some reason I was drawn to her. Being a man (a stupid man) I decided I should strike up a conversation with her. It started with a quick witty comment in the break room, then I e-mailed her later just asking her some real general questions like where she's from, how long she's been working here, etc.

I was attracted to her yes, but things were very platonic. She was very nice, we had similar ideas on things, and things were cool......until I REALLY started becoming attracted to her. I started talking to her out of the blue (we don't work that closely together) for no reason. Going over to her desk to talk about stupid stuff, e-mailing her funny pictures I found on the internet, and I would stare literally almost ALL DAY at her, it was becoming truly pathetic......but that's only half the story.....

(Told you it was long) Every time I came near her she acted as if I had poison dripping from my forehead. She was very stand-offish. Acted very anxious. Seemed distracted. Didn't laugh at my jokes (which by the way were HILARIOUS). She'd talk in a very monotone manner. It was hard to cope with. I'm a very likable person, but it seemed like she was doing everything in her power to get away or that I was making her EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I figured I was giving off too many signals and I even found myself saying to her at one point "honestly, if you have a problem with me, please just let me know." Her response was "sorry, I've been really busy." Felt crushed, but at the same time felt liberated. I was able to just move on for a number of weeks until.....

I finally owned up to it and told my wife about how she treated me (not about my feelings) and my wife bluntly said "she likes you." I was like "yeah, okay, she treats me like dirt, but around her stupid friends and other people she laughs, talks, makes jokes, etc." My wife again said, "then she really likes you, she's just extremely SHY around you, you're married, and you have two kids, you don't know what her morals are, this is probably very strange for her. Don't just assume because she's pretty she knows how to act around boys she likes."

On the outside I was like, "whatever" but on the inside I was floating like I was in fifth grade. I started watching much more closely than I ever did before and I believe that my wife is right. I think she does get very nervous around me, I catch her looking at me sometimes from her cube, there's been several times where she came over to my desk to talk about what was on my ipod, the fact she went to a concert, and even once to tell me that some guy had anonymously sent her an e-mail saying he had a crush on her. I could see her out of the corner of my eye when she was obviously going to say bye as she left for the day, one day she talks to me, the next day I'm invisible. I told my wife about all of this and she again said "she likes you, she's looking for reasons to talk to you. She has no reason to really say hi and bye as she comes in, I don't especially if I don't really know them. And she wants you to know that other guys think she's cute too."

I'm really truly dying here. I have the misfortune of sitting to where she's in my eyesight ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I can't get her out of my mind, I think about her all of the time, now I GET REALLY NERVOUS when she comes by. I make myself want to puke.

MY QUESTIONS: 1. Is she really interested in me? 2. What the hell do I do? Ignore her like she's a fly on the wall? 3. How do I get past this?.....

Thanks

Everyone here is probably going to tell you to ignore this woman, but I say go for it!

She acts stand-offish around you, so I think that's all the greenlight you need to sacrifice the happiness of your wife and kids, the stability of your family, the security of your job & finances, and the ownership of your house.

Hey, she already looks like your wife so no big loss if you get divorced, right? Good luck!

Its possible she likes you. Its also possible that you kinda creep her out. I don't think any of it means a darned thing unless your prepared to leave your wife and kids for a woman who isn't really into you. From your post here, you sound a bit over confident. Maybe she didn't laugh at your joke because she didn't find you funny. Your wife isnt the best source of advice for the woman that gets you all hot. I say turn you desk around.

You're setting yourself up for a fall. Are you seriously willing to tear up your family for a potential fling?

Ha! good point. Who needs a comfortable home, a nice car, or anything at all. to be honest, I'm GLAD she works here because it puts EVERYONE on their best behavior. If she were just someone I ran into like at the gym, I'd be f***ed (literally and figuratively)

Everyone here is probably going to tell you to ignore this woman, but I say go for it!

 

She acts stand-offish around you, so I think that's all the greenlight you need to sacrifice the happiness of your wife and kids, the stability of your family, the security of your job & finances, and the ownership of your house.

 

Hey, she already looks like your wife so no big loss if you get divorced, right? Good luck!

LOL!!

it doesn't matter if she likes you. did you forget your vows???? yes, we will all feel attraction and temptation but we are not to act on it! you let it go too far and now you're in a ditch. you should NOT pursue this! and yes, you act like she's a fly on the wall. you cut off communication and keep your eyes of of her. and when you start thinking about her, think of your two little girls at home. THAT is what matters. the real things, not lust or infatuation. force yourself to snap out of it and move on.

1. In my opinion, no. She probably realizes you have a crush on her, and doesn't want to be a homewrecker.

2. Definitely ignore her. Can you switch desks so you don't stare at her all day long? The only effective way I have found to get over a crush is to remove myself from the other person, as much as possible.

3. Are you sure there is nothing going on in your marriage? I have had crushes in my relationships, but nothing this huge. You sound like you're at risk of having an affair - because you actually care whether or not you are interested. You sound torn - on the one hand you want to get over it but you also want us to give our opinion on whether or not she is interested.

I would give yourself a month to try really hard to get over the crush, while working on your marriage and re-kindling the romance with your wife. If after a month you're still obsessed, if I were you and serious about my marriage, I would start looking for a new job, and maybe go into counseling if you realize that this crush is stemming from problems in your marriage.

Yeah! Turn your damn desk around if you cant behave in class! I bet you run with scissors too!

How would you like it if/when your wife goes ga ga over a man she works with? Hmmm?

sophie274-I really agree with you. My wife and I have been having problems lately. We haven't talked in about four days. Every weekend we get in a huge fight. I love her more than anything, but trust me i've tried EVERYTHING to get away from this woman. I mean literally as much as I can without thinking she has leprosy. I keep trying to pull myself out, but my attraction to her is SO strong, but based on VERY little. I'll just do everything I can to keep my distance. It's the best thing I can do.

Everyone here is probably going to tell you to ignore this woman, but I say go for it!

 

She acts stand-offish around you, so I think that's all the greenlight you need to sacrifice the happiness of your wife and kids, the stability of your family, the security of your job & finances, and the ownership of your house.

 

Hey, she already looks like your wife so no big loss if you get divorced, right? Good luck!

disgusting jerk. you give men a bad name

Umm I took that post to be sarcastic. I may have been wrong but I think that is the way it was intended.

Pretty sure he was being sarcastic.

Yes, in the immortal words of Charlie Brown:

"Don't you know a sarcasm when you hear it?"

I love the internet.

sophie274-I really agree with you. My wife and I have been having problems lately. We haven't talked in about four days. Every weekend we get in a huge fight. I love her more than anything, but trust me i've tried EVERYTHING to get away from this woman. I mean literally as much as I can without thinking she has leprosy. I keep trying to pull myself out, but my attraction to her is SO strong, but based on VERY little. I'll just do everything I can to keep my distance. It's the best thing I can do.

Sounds like a case of wanting what you can't have. Are the problems with your wife due to your obsession with this woman that reminds you of your wife?

Dude, no wonder the world's going to ****. Don't add to the statistic. Be a man and be loyal to your family. Be responsible.

You should be lucky to have what you have.

She probably realizes you have a crush on her, and doesn't want to be a homewrecker.

That is how it sounded to me.

In any case, I agree that you need to find ways to avoid having too much contact with her. Everyone has crushes, even after marriage, but it will fade if you don't fan the flames by spending a lot of time around her.

Hope you're able to get away from her soon.

Pretty sure he was being sarcastic.

i would agree IVY you are going to want to learn to differentiate btwn tongue and cheek and serious if you are going to go around calling people names...

sophie274-I really agree with you. My wife and I have been having problems lately. We haven't talked in about four days. Every weekend we get in a huge fight. I love her more than anything, but trust me i've tried EVERYTHING to get away from this woman. I mean literally as much as I can without thinking she has leprosy. I keep trying to pull myself out, but my attraction to her is SO strong, but based on VERY little. I'll just do everything I can to keep my distance. It's the best thing I can do.

What are you and your wife fighting about?

How come you are having trouble communicating now (as opposed to before)?

Have you had any added stresses (loss of job, death in family, pregnancy, whatever)?

Are you feeling unsure about your marriage (I saw you married young)?

Do you keep fighting over one recurring issue?

You should really take the energy you are devoting to daydreaming about this woman and put it into working on your marriage. Depending on what is going on, you might need professional help (marriage counseling - I would imagine if there is one sticky issue that you two keep fighting about), or you might be able to work it out yourselves. Can you "schedule" a "state of the union" talk with your wife to iron out some problems?

Fix what you have. Make more of an attempt. Don't let this crush influence you when trying to fix any marriage problems. It will cloud your vision.

honestly i feel for you man cause i think its a tougher situation then most can understand its like having an itch on your nose and just refusing to scratch it...the thing is though you can refuse and in time it will be nothing more then a brick memory that makes you go..ha..and you can look over at your wife who loves you more now in your old age then when you first met and can lean over to get a hug from your grandkids ...odds are because of all the factors in this scenario if you mess around you will be caught...doing it once will prolly lead to doing it on a regularly and because you are in such close proximity it will be found out sooner or later...so just fight the itch and move on....just assumes your wifes advice is coming out of her own insecurities and in reality this girl things your a total creepo.

Dude, no wonder the world's going to ****. Don't add to the statistic. Be a man and be loyal to your family. Be responsible.

 

You should be lucky to have what you have.

Thank you Mr. Hamsalad! well put.

If you want someone else, then leave the one you have now. Holding onto two women isn't very thoughtful, and can lead to bodily harm.

Oh I just saw your most recent post about how you and your wife are havign trouble. It's not surprising that you would be idealizing other women with that going on. It might be good to focus on improving things with your wife and I bet the crush will fade a lot faster.

One book I have always liked about marriage communication is this one: link removed

Might be worth checking out if you find you're fighting a lot.

Yeah! Turn your damn desk around if you can behave in class! I bet you run with scissors too!

 

How would you like it if/when your wife goes ga ga over a man she works with? Hmmm?

Good response.

Man, you have to stop. You are playing with lit matches in a gasoline soaked room.

Keep a fantasy in your head for a little bit if you must but stop talking to this woman!

putting myself in this other womans position, i think she can tell a mile off you are oozing desperation by the fact you are thinking of every excuse you can think of to have contact with her.

i don't think she likes you at all i'm afraid to say, the way you have described her acting is how i would act if i didnt want to get to involved with someone at all and just wanted them to leave me alone.

she jsut wants you to back off without having to be so rude and tell you to leave her alone. if she liked you and wanted to persue things further, you would know about it. sorry to be blunt but it's true.

It is a tough situation, no doubt. Most of us have been faced with it. And to tell ya the truth....some of us would love to trade in our spouses for a night or two of some strange. But would we like it if our spouse did that to us?

It's flattering to say the least, and it's a great feeling when you first meet someone and get to know them in bed. Thats why you should be single if this is what you want to do.

It's flattering to say the least, and it's a great feeling when you first meet someone and get to know them in bed. Thats why you should be single if this is what you want to do.

Bingo. Get single, then play if you must. Less broken hearts and souls that way. I was born in the wrong decade...or grew up in the wrong one!