I don't trust my long term boyfriend.

We've have been together for so long and so far I haven't found any proof that he is cheating but I just am paranoid about it. We broke up for awhile like a year and a half ago and I found him on HighSchoolReunion sites but nothing else. I recently started looking into his cell phone. I don't see anything that looks like a red flag. I am so ashamed I want to try to get into his email because I want to know if he is cheating. I ask him and he says that I should know he wouldnt do that and he gets really annoyed. He says that he trusts me and he would never think I was cheating on him. What is wrong with me lately. I haven't always been this way??

What he did while you were broken up does not constitute cheating.

If you continue acting like this you will ruin this relationship. Time to exercise self-discipline and stop.

Things seem too perfect?

I know what he did when we broke up wasn't cheating but we did have a discussion that we would only see other people and tell eachother. He told me he would tell me and he told me he would be honest. I found nothing just High School Reunion sites and the info didn't look like he was flirting but still thats not the point I guess. Things were perfect for a long time and then these thoughts came into my head and I started wondering what he is doing when out or whatever. It hurts to do this snooping and I feel low.

i usually say trust your intuition if he's giving you signs of foul play but be careful of poking and prodding because you don't want to stir things up all because of your own paranoia.

snooping is really never a good idea, although it might ease your mind... do you really want to find out the truth? what if you don't like what you see? then what?

see what i mean, just keep your radar up, ready yourself for some bad news if it is to come. seeking out the truth is way less important that being ready to move on if things go bad.

I know what he did when we broke up wasn't cheating but we did have a discussion that we would only see other people and tell eachother. He told me he would tell me and he told me he would be honest. I found nothing just High School Reunion sites and the info didn't look like he was flirting but still thats not the point I guess. Things were perfect for a long time and then these thoughts came into my head and I started wondering what he is doing when out or whatever. It hurts to do this snooping and I feel low.

As I asked before: are you really prepared to lose this relationship because you won't make the choice to stop this behaviour?

Well no I'm not prepared to lose him, but why does I feel like this. As one poster just pointed out what is this instinct I am feeling? Is it paranoia? What is this feeling I have?

Insecurity perhaps?

i think you feel like this out of fear of losing him. i don't think that's a good position to be in... it's like being in the bottom of a well before a rain storm. i say, get yourself to higher ground while you still have the time to do it. it can only be for the better.

Insecurity perhaps?

lol what a no brainer I guess. I question every move he makes last night I asked him why he didn't answer his phone when it rang and he said he hates when I ask him that! I got so mad because I felt that he was hididng something. When he left to go to the other room I looked in his phone and it was his friend Kevin. I looked through his text messages and there was a text that said something like RSVP for (something not sure) I think it may have been a solicitor but its still messing with me.

I agree with charliebrown, it sounds like you are scared of losing him.

By acting the way that you are acting is what is going to push him away.

If he isn't doing anything wrong then what's the problem? You're creating the problems thereforeeee if he goes away, it'll be your own fault.

You are insecure with yourself AND the relationship it seems.

i think you feel like this out of fear of losing him. i don't think that's a good position to be in... it's like being in the bottom of a well before a rain storm. i say, get yourself to higher ground while you still have the time to do it. it can only be for the better.

so you think he is going to leave me? So get out? what do you mean?

I agree with charliebrown, it sounds like you are scared of losing him.

By acting the way that you are acting is what is going to push him away.

If he isn't doing anything wrong then what's the problem? You're creating the problems thereforeeee if he goes away, it'll be your own fault.

You are insecure with yourself AND the relationship it seems.

oh okay that makes sense I guess

Many people will tell you to trust your instincts - that if your gut tells you he is cheating then he is.

Don't fall for that one. It has been disproved too many times.

Distrust can also come, as others point out, from fear within yourself.

Many people will tell you to trust your instincts - that if your gut tells you he is cheating then he is.

 

Don't fall for that one. It has been disproved too many times.

 

Distrust can also come, as others point out, from fear within yourself.

I agree with you, I guess its my own insecurities, no matter how many times he tells me he wouldn't cheat, that he would just break up with me if he felt the need I just don't believe him

lol what a no brainer I guess. I question every move he makes last night I asked him why he didn't answer his phone when it rang and he said he hates when I ask him that! I got so mad because I felt that he was hididng something. When he left to go to the other room I looked in his phone and it was his friend Kevin. I looked through his text messages and there was a text that said something like RSVP for (something not sure) I think it may have been a solicitor but its still messing with me.

It's things like that that'll push a man away, believe me I've been there done that. No one wants a naggy girlfriend. You don't need to know his every move, his every phone call his every everything. You don't control him and vice versa.

I can tell you now it's going to get real old real fast if you don't stop this sort of behaivor.

If you have NO reason to paranoid then it just doesn't make sense. It's not HIM that you are insecure about it's yourself.

so just block out these emotions somehow?

I am having a similar discussion on another thread - did you ever see the movie "A Beautiful Mind"?

no I haven't

I hate my mind actually, its so negative and tries to think up bad things and negative things

It's worth a look. In a nutshell, it is about a brilliant mathematician who is a schizophrenic and hears voices - he can have a conversation with a friend who doesn't exist. It is literally driving him insane. He then make a decision to ignore the voices - he still hears them, they will always be there. But he makes a rational choice to understand that they aren't real - and thereforeeee he takes no notice of them.

You can do a similar thing.

link removed)

It is based on a true story.

I hate my mind actually, its so negative and tries to think up bad things and negative things

why don't you try NOT to do that and you'll see how much happier of a person you are.

I am trying I swear, we always seem to get into some type of spat EVERYDAY. I mean literally everyday. So just pretend the thoughts aren't there at all...I'll try harder

Try this as well.

When one of those thoughts pops into your head and you are about to say something - say this to yourself instead "I love him and if I say that I may lose him". Then imagine how you would feel if you did.