Spanking children-Right or Wrong?

They had a show on Dr. Phil the other day, entitled "Spanking Scandels".

What do you guys think about spanking children? Do you think it's healthy, or only hurtful?

I was spanked as a child growing up, it is quite common in households of my ethnicity.

I don't think my parents did anything wrong, I don't feel I was at all abused.

However I don't think I want to spank my children. But then I kind of wonder if they'll be bad children, without being disciplined in that manner.

What do you guys think of the issue?

I don't see a problem with it at all. I think it can really be helpful in teaching children right from wrong. My parents spanked me as a child. They did it rarely, but when they did, it put the fear of god in me because i knew i must've done something VERY wrong. It made me learn my lesson every time!

If done sparingly, i see no problems

I think to some extent it validates, even encourages, some degree of violence. thereforeeee, I do not believe it is a good practice to employ. I don't think it's totally heinous and it certainly has some merits, but it's honestly rather backwards, excessive, and unnecessary. I, for one, was never punished physically and I believe I came out fine. It is definitely not essential--let alone, IMHO, very beneficial--in child-rearing and I don't think it really reinforces good behavior.

I was only spanked twice, I believe, growing up. However, I was mentally abused by my alcoholic father. I will take a spanking any day to that! I spanked my son when he was small. He's fine. Going to college and getting good grades. Never in trouble, ever. We are fairly close. I don't believe in going too far with it, though. Still, I think too much is made from it nowadays, really.

They had a show on Dr. Phil the other day, entitled "Spanking Scandels".

 

What do you guys think about spanking children? Do you think it's healthy, or only hurtful?

 

I was spanked as a child growing up, it is quite common in households of my ethnicity.

 

I don't think my parents did anything wrong, I don't feel I was at all abused.

 

However I don't think I want to spank my children. But then I kind of wonder if they'll be bad children, without being disciplined in that manner.

 

What do you guys think of the issue?

I don't think it's "wrong" or "evil", in that sense... misguided, perhaps.

See, excessive punishment will only get children used to the yelling and spanking... they'll become used to it and they'll know exactly what to expect when they misbehave. This usually fosters kids who wrongs others... I don't think it's that they don't "know" the consequences... but usually they know them too well and don't care.

Plus, it can foster resentment... If I have a kid and spanked him constantly, he'd probably see me as a pain in the b-hind at least and behave just well enough not to get spanked. It can also create a barrier between parent and child... he or she would be afraid to open up to me when it's absolutely imperitive outta fear of punishment.

My father almost never yelled... but I always behaved as much as I could around him because his sneezes were loud enough.

I have, however, known some of my most rebellious friends had controlling parents (even my grandparents) that used very traditional punishments.

The verdict? No, I'm not gonna hit or excessively yell at my offspring (plus, I wanna be a singer for the rest of my life... I don't wanna ruin my voice like that)

Besides, as eurocar pointed out, it does encourage some degree of violence... as the child sees their parent using violence to try and get you to behave (their way)... how would they see that as different from getting a victim to behave their way? (bullying, anyone?)

I think it is fine in moderation. I was spanked growing up and it really made me understand who was boss. It probably depends on the kid though.

Messed up, there are other ways to punish a child, time out, ever seen the nanny thing?

I believe in spanking.

Just look at the youth of today and the problems these "spoken to", "time out" children are causing.

*Oh no Johhny, that was naughty beheading the kitten with the shovel, take some time out junior. Got to your room for a week*

Yeah that's going to teach him real consequences of his actions.

Dr. Phil is a wanker

and I am totally against spanking children. It doesn't work...and they just remember their parents hitting them. How can you hit someone you love?

*Oh no Johhny, that was naughty beheading the kitten with the shovel, take some time out junior. Got to your room for a week*

Is it just me... or does this sound slightly paranoid?

yes, there's a difference between not clearing the table and cutting off a kittens head. Drastic problems call for drastic measures.

I was beaten fairly often, however, I did indeed deserve it every time. I also agree with the sentiment that it must be done in moderation for it to be effective, but then again, EVERYTHING must be done in moderation or else the situation may become unhealthy. (i.e. over exercising to keep from getting fat, still isn't healthy). At the end of the day we all must use what works for us, I've been a step father in one way or another since I was 22 so I've had to learn some creative ways to punish and reward since spanking is a no-no, HOWEVER, the one thing I will say is talking about having kids and what you will do and actually dealing with children are two completely different worlds. I hear and read about a whole slew of cool procedures that you can use on little Sprogly to keep him from being a menace to society and whatnot, but let's see you keep your head straight when he's having a tantrum to beat all tantrums at bedtime and logic doesn't seem to be getting through and you're tired because you have a huge meeting the next day and have been working late for the last week and a half and haven't been intimate with the wife since God knows how long.

Can you raise without spanking, yup, I haven't spanked anyone yet, however, it isn't as easy as one may think.

This has always been on my mind and a big subject for me.

I see children nowadays that run all over the parents because the parents don't believe in spanking.

BUT

Then you also see the children who are extremely violent and resort to hitting when they get mad... this is due to the parents using spanking excessively.

I don't believe spanking is wrong if done the right way.

It can be both right AND wrong. It really comes down to the parenting. Not what "type" of punishment you decide to use.

I don't like it when people say,

"spanking is wrong because you are teaching your child to be violent"

and I also hate it when people say,

"If you don't spank your child they will turn into a terror!"

I use time out more then anything with my son. I have different methods of punishment... like if he misbehaved during supper he will stand there and watch as I get to eat the cookie and he doesn't get one because he did wrong.

I do spank but NEVER out of anger and not very often. If he has done something that could seriously hurt him or the like... he will get a spanking. Remembering the consequences of that particular action is very important when it comes to certain things. Example: Pulling away from me in a parking lot.

As long as you are being an actual true parent to your children there is no wrong or right way when it comes to punishment.

Parents are there to show their children right from wrong, to love them, to guide and teach them, always be there for them, and to be the ADULT.

If the child is loved, healthy and happy that is a successful parent

Spare the rod spoil the child right?

My dad spanked me on occasion, and even used his belt to do it once or twice... And Ive got to say I had it comin, and IM glad he did. Now if he had run around beating me... then no thats not right. But when I was running around like an idiot, cursing my parents and wouldnt listen to them.... and I actually told him YOU CANT SPANK ME ANYMORE (I was a whole 70 pounds) my dad weighed oh... 220. It put things into perspective. I wasnt as tough, smart, whathaveyou as I thought I was.

I think spanking if done infrequently, and when NEEDED is good. IF you spank your kid every time they annoy you... that will avail you nothing.

I don't know - I don't agree with it, but I don't have children. My friends who have terrific children don't ever spank them, but use other punishments instead, and are firm and set boundaries, and that seems to work just fine. I can't think that hitting children is right, but parents would say differently. It just seems wrong to me, to be honest. All about violence and so on, and I find it horrible. But maybe it's differnet if you're a parent.

I was raised in a household where physical punishment was the normal result any time I stepped out of line.

The fact that it continued until I left home probably makes the point for it not working. If it had worked, I wouldn't have needed continual punishment.

I think if you have a good, open relationship with your child - there is no need for physical punishment. Of course they are going to push the limits - that's what people do, but they will get the message that you are angry and disappointed at them. At any age. And they will learn by that.

If you teach a younger child that every time they do something wrong - they get hit. What will they learn? When people do something bad to them - hit them. That's the natural punishment.

I'm for smacking - it's a good sharp shock.

My parents used to spank me, and other times my mum used to make me sit on the stairs while she rang the childrens home to come and get me. Sounds hilarious, but the spanking did the least damage.

They had a show on Dr. Phil the other day, entitled "Spanking Scandels".

 

What do you guys think about spanking children? Do you think it's healthy, or only hurtful?

 

I was spanked as a child growing up, it is quite common in households of my ethnicity.

 

I don't think my parents did anything wrong, I don't feel I was at all abused.

 

However I don't think I want to spank my children. But then I kind of wonder if they'll be bad children, without being disciplined in that manner.

 

What do you guys think of the issue?

its awesome bring back beatings in schools imo

I don't do it -- it's violent, and it's not the message I want to send to my son (ie, that violence is an acceptable means of enforcing behavior). I've found other ways of enforcing behavior that are pretty effective, mostly revolving around denial of things he wants for extended periods and enforcing that.

I think spanking is more about venting the parent's rage and the parent feeling angry and out of control than it is about teaching the child to behave and to control its own behavior.

Yes, we'd all behave if there was a cattle prod there waiting to zap us if we were 'bad', but then discipline becomes about an external frame of reference (i.e., the cotnrol is outside ourselves) rather than having an internal control that regulate behavior (i.e., understanding why we behave badly, and why it is better not to).

Most of the times i have seen people spanking or smacking a kid, it has been when the parent is angry. I think it is normal for parents to lose their tempers , but they should never hit a child when the PARENT is angry. That produces fear in the child, and fear is not a good motivator to develop character and self control. It produces all kinds of other problems.

That produces fear in the child, and fear is not a good motivator to develop character and self control.

Really?

FEAR...is the key. Fear of loss of privileges...what have you...same thing. but then you have to listen to the whiney brat...

Spanking over done with in less than 30 sec....humiliation factor?....that stings for much longer.

Bring back the rod...

Fear of physical abuse and bodily harm is a far different fear than loss of privileges. Loss of privileges isn't about fear, it is about disappointment and anger at losing something fun.

Fear is a primordial response to bodily danger, hardwired into human being to protect themselves. There is no fear or bodily danger when losing a privilege, that is about disappointment, rage at deprivation etc. Fear has nothing to do with that.

So it is nowhere near the same thing.

you are giving away your irritation at being a parent by saying 'you don't have to listen to the whiney brat'... proving my point. You are spanking the child becuase you are venting your own irritation at the child, and it is a quicker way to make it easy on yourself (you don't have to take the time to reason with them or listen to the whining). So it is about dominance and control, not about teaching a child to regulate their own behavior.

I think one reason there is so much physical abuse of children and women is that people have not learned how to negotiate, they just go straight to physical violence to induce fear and get control, as they learned from being abused or spanked a lot themselves as children.

Fear of physical abuse and bodily harm is a far different fear than loss of privileges. Loss of privileges isn't about fear, it is about disappointment and anger at losing something fun.

Agree with you in part.

However it is a double bind....kids don't often give too much of a rat's butt about losing "privileges" and in order to enforce that the parent must waste more time.

When the child swears or is deliberately disrespectful....a sharp slap corrects the problem far faster than all the negotiating in the world. Particularly when that slap occurs in front of peers. Humiliation for being called out on poor behavior is more effective. The "lesson" extends past the individual being slapped and to those around them.

You are spanking the child becuase you are venting your own irritation at the child

Hardly...it is coldly calculated for maximum effect and endurance of effect.

Different cultures deal differently with defiance....but one thing I will say, a most disgusting behavior to be viewed in the world is to be found in the US and Canada. Never seen anything like it and am rather glad I don't have to put up with that crap here.

Humiliation for being called out on poor behavior is more effective.

Never, ever humiliate a child. It is not appropraite and can be very damaging to their esteem.

I was spanked on occasion, but it was always done so there was no pain. So it was more 'simulated' if you will. I did however get a couple smacks in the face when I was a teen/pre-teen however!

That said, in my opinion any violence (even simulated as I mention) used against anyone is just wrong to me.