Its 1:46am, and although it happned almost a week ago, I still cannot sleep.
I came here to find answers- this place is called "You are not alone"...but i cannot help but feel like I am the only person on this planet right now.
If there is anyone out there with my same situation, I would be forever greatful for any advice or things that you did to deal with it.
Basically, my boyfriend has told me he thinks he may be gay/bi....and i have not the slightest idea what to do with myself.
It recently came up after we parted ways for the summer (we both attend the same university and are home visiting family/working for the summer). We had literally been away from eachother for 3 days when he called me and told me "he has been doing alot of thinking". When he finally said "I think i may be gay", i tried to act calm and collected for his sake, this being the first time he has even said it aloud.
Turns out, before me and him ever got started, there was a guy that he worked a summer job with. They had went as far as having sex, my boyfriend being the one giving, never receiving....(i asked him to tell me everything, im sorry if this is too graphic for some). He also said that he felt dirty after every single time, even would go home and sit in the shower and cry. Outside of engaging in sexual activity, him and this guy never acted as a couple, my boyfriend saying that this guy only ever treated him as a f**k buddy while making sure to flirt with every girl possible. The way he described him, it made him sound like a jerk almost (though my views are probably biased). He said he never thought of being with him emotionally, and that it was all lust driven, and that it felt wrong after everytime it happened.
He also went on to say that was the only gay experience he's had. He says that he is very attracted to females, and was always physically attracted to me. He says that his sexual preference is very situational and varies from person to person. Thats why he says that he thinks he is bi sexual.
I have heard so many things about bi seuxals "only being in denial of their homosexuality" or that they "always end up fully gay in the end". I would have no idea, not being bi myself. Im trying so very hard to think that me and my boyfriend will work. Im tyring very hard to not let him thinking men are attractive bother me, and that only when it gets in the way of us as a couple to be the only time it bothers me....I just dont know if i will be able to supress sadness if i see him staring at a male...or talking about other guys....i dont know if the wondering and the pining over it will ultimately drive me insane.
He says he doesnt want to give up on what we had. Although its only been a short time, he says that it has been amazing and that he doesnt want to lose it. He will be working the same job this summer, the job where he met this guy that he has had sex with. However, he hasnt talked to this guy in so long, and says that he doesnt even know if he will be there. I told him that he should throw us away because for a possibility of a tempatation that he doesnt even know if it will be back. And he agreed...
We have only been together for a short time. However, it has been a very memorable time, as well as the first time I have ever allowed myself to fall in love. We attend the same university, are in the same organizations, and are even in a joint fraternity and sorority. Everything just feels right. We have so much fun together, the sex is amazing and happens every day, and we both feel so incredibly happy with one another.
Im sorry that this post is so lengthy... i just felt it theraputic to write this all down...as you can imagine, i cant really talk to anyone i know about this.
I guess what i am asking is, has there ever been a relationship between a straight woman and a bi man that worked out?
I came here to feel like on this immense planet of billions of people, someone else might have come out of a similar situation triumphant and still madly in love.
Please....i have done nothing but pray...and even if God has answered me, i have not been able to recognize it....someone, anyone with answers or advice, please answer back. It would make me feel like my whole world isnt entirely falling apart....
All the best,