im confused

when i was little i got angry with myself, because i kept staring at girls, i didn't even realize it was sexual attraction until i got older and fell in love with my friend. Im not sure if im completely lesbian, i have some attraction to guys, just not as much as im attracted to girls. This confusion is a part of why i started cutting, it was a small factor, but it was my confusion over my feelings of my friend that actually lead me to make the first actual cut. I had done self-injury before, just never as direct. Im really confused about my feelings, but my friend is dating another girl at the moment so i have to wait and its unbearable. Just wondering how to deal with it. Can i remain bi, or do i eventually have to come to a conclusion about my sexuality.

to be honest, i don't think sexuality is always as clear-cut as some people make it out to be. i don't think you can always narrow it down to straight, gay, or bi.

i went through pretty much the same thing as you--i fell in love with one of my best girl friends when i was about 17, and it drove me crazy because i didn't know how to handle it.

years later, i've pretty much come to just accept things as they are. i'm attracted to women and men, but i don't feel the need to classify it. i look at it as more about i'm attracted to individual people, not because of what gender they are, but because of who they are as a person.

if your friend is taken, it's probably best to just move on for the time being. if she becomes free later, and you feel you might have a connection with her, you can go from there. i know that's not as easy as it sounds, especially since your issue also includes confusion about your sexuality.

and, as far as being more attracted to girls than guys, that's not abnormal. most bisexual people will tell you they tend to lean more one way than the other. for me, i'm more often attracted to men, but every once in a while, i'll feel an attraction for a woman as well.

and no, you don't have to "pick a team" so to speak. sexuality isn't something we "decide." it's just a part of who we are. if you're emotionally and sexually attracted to both men and women, then you're probably bisexual, even if you do lean more towards women. but like i said, this doesn't mean you necessarily have to classify it. if you can accept that this is who you are, you have no need to define it for the sake of anyone else.

as for the cutting, i know this wasn't really part of your question, but having gone through it myself, i know the damage it can do. i know you probably know this already, but there are far more constructive ways to deal with your feelings. i was a cutter for almost 8 years before i finally quit. once you get started, it's a hard path to get off of, because once you start dealing with your emotions this way, it becomes harder to learn other ways to deal with them. try writing in a journal or talking things through with someone you trust, or even come on here and post what's going on--from what i've seen people on this site can be very supportive and understanding.