Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Why does my ex keep talking to me?

  1. #1
    kevinm
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    PNW-USA
    Age
    41
    Posts
    1,083
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    95

    Why does my ex keep talking to me?

    I'm just curious as to why my ex keeps talking to me. We broke up a month ago and since that time we've had very limited contact. She's told me she misses me, felt like "we" (read: she) made a mistake, etc.

    Then when she contacts me there's still nothing there as far as what she has to say. I can tell she is trying to extract my feelings, trying to draw me out. And while I do still care for her, my desire to reconcile things with her keeps diminishing. I feel if she wants me back she would make greater efforts beyond simply telling me she misses me.

    She has called me a couple of times, usually once a week and when we talk she says nothing. She tells me about her day to day stuff, how her daughter is doing, etc. The thing is, if she doesn't have anything to say of any importance relating to reconciliation, why contact me every week? On top of all of this our conversations are so brief, with her always being the one to disconnect such as, "Okay, well I just wanted to see how you were doing. I'm going to get back to what I was doing. Talk to you later."

    With my long distance friends (college buddies, friends in other states, etc) I usually catch up with them maybe once a month.

    So what gives?

    -Kevin

  2. #2
    NoPainNoGain

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    madagaskar
    Age
    36
    Posts
    244
    Gender
    Male
    Shes looking for an ego boost.Dont take the bait

  3. #3
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    8
    She possibly wants you to make the first move. But it is also likely that if you do she will shut you down and deny that is what she wants.

  4. #4
    Portage
    Platinum Member Portage's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,705
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    Well i believe she isn't ready to cut the ties. She wants to know that you are still around and 'available'. History and comfort level with another is a hard connection to let go of, regardless as to who ended the relationship.

  5. #5
    kevinm
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    PNW-USA
    Age
    41
    Posts
    1,083
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    95
    I think you are all correct. DN, why do you think she would shut me down?

    -Kevin

  6. #6
    NoPainNoGain

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    madagaskar
    Age
    36
    Posts
    244
    Gender
    Male
    Because woman like the chase.Once she knows she has you hooked she will shut you down .....

  7. #7
    i_win
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    1,071
    If you were smart this is what you should do and I'm being 100% serious.

    You need to re-establish your dignity in this situation and regain the upperhand and here is how you do it.

    Stop acting like the victim here and instead start feelilng liberated. You are free from her now and you don't have to put up with someone that is confused about their feelings towards you. That is cruel and you are better off finding someone that doesn't have to question their feelings towards you.

    So stop picking up the phone when she calls, stop responding to emails, and don't reply to any of her text messages.

    I would tell her that you are happy now and have moved on and would prefer it if she didn't contact you anymore because you simply don't have the time now that you have your life back.

    And then stay gone. This will give you the space and distance you need to move on with your life and separate the emotional connection that the two of you have and that is keeping you in contact. She showed her true feelings when she showed you the door, now you take control and show her the door right back.

    I know this may sound cruel, unnessesary, whatever...but the fact is that unless you do this you are going to constantly be in a state of limbo where you're not sure from day to day if this woman loves you and wants to be with you or not. So take the power away from her and make the decision for yourself that you aren't going to put up with this.

    It will either keep her gone for good or drive her back but either way this is to get you back and for you alone.

  8. #8
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    8
    Quote Originally Posted by kevinm [Register to see the link]
    I think you are all correct. DN, why do you think she would shut me down?

    -Kevin
    Because some people like to play games. They have a need to know that they are wanted and desired but can't commit themselves. If they feel their ex is moving on in some way they will drop hints that there is a possibility of reconciliation. Once the ex takes the bait they have received their validation that the ex still wants them and that is all they ever wanted - so now they can afford to pull away again.

  9. #9
    Portage
    Platinum Member Portage's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,705
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    Quote Originally Posted by DN [Register to see the link]
    Because some people like to play games. They have a need to know that they are wanted and desired but can't commit themselves. If they feel their ex is moving on in some way they will drop hints that there is a possibility of reconciliation. Once the ex takes the bait they have received their validation that the ex still wants them and that is all they ever wanted - so now they can afford to pull away again.
    I completely agree. I also think it speaks volumes regarding their insecurity factor.

  10. #10
    kevinm
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    PNW-USA
    Age
    41
    Posts
    1,083
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    95
    Iwin, with all due respect, I disagree with your opinion. I don't feel the need to get into the NC debate, beyond stating that I'm not for NC, at least in this particular case.

    And for the record, I am a fairly smart guy, I don't see where I have lost my dignity, and I'm not painting myself as a victim here. I broke it off with her. As far as "having my life back", I don't define my life based upon a love relationship, so how can I regain something I have never lost?

    While I appreciate your input iwin, you are way out of line.

    -Kevin

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
Disconnect
This might sound weird I never brought it up to anyone. Does anyone else feel a huge disconnect. What I mean I always feel like I'm just reading a
Is it me?
Ok. So. I can't really deal with being around my mother anymore. I feel like she takes her frustrations out on me. For example, she worries about
did i say the wrong thing? confused
I really have been dating with a girl and 3 days back was the first time we spend time at my place. We were having a good time launging and playing
Panic attacks/anxiety has left me broken, depressed, and ashamed.
This week I experienced a panic attack out of the blue. I was at work, no one was around at the time but I knew I needed help. I went to grab my
Bringing Up the Past
Hi and thank you for reading this. I need some advice - possibly on a legal note. Somebody I know sent a close relative of mine a nasty
Donsn't know what to do
I am a 17 years old guy in high school, never had a girlfriend and i think i found a first love but im not sure if she have a boyfriend and i am
Work and fun
So there's this guy i interact with at work... He is very business like at work and I'm kind of the same. Its all mono-tone and serious and

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
my boyfriend mom is my boyfriends girlfriend, thats just the way it seem!
Ive known my boyfriend for years, but, we never dated UNTIL a year ago. And some things has start to bother me about him and his mom relationship
Disconnect
This might sound weird I never brought it up to anyone. Does anyone else feel a huge disconnect. What I mean I always feel like I'm just reading a
Wife thought I shaved body hair I never had, is she cheating
I had my shirt off this morning and my wife of 23 years asked why I shaved my shoulder hair. I have never had body hair from birth on shoulders
5 years together, no reason for splitting..
Hi, thanks for taking the time to read this. Um, so. My girlfriend of 5 years (i'm 25) split with me. And i'm torturing myself over not
How do you know when it's Love?
I've been dating a man since early November. I met him through mutual friends and we spent a lot of time being friends only before we started dating
Tired of being alone
I work two jobs and go to school, I only have one night a week where I am off before 10pm and on those days I'm off at 6:00. My life is crazy but
Playing the field - When do you stop talking with other people and go exclusive?
I'm about two months into the dating scene after getting out of a four year relationship. I've matched with a number of women on Tinder and Bumble
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •