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Thread: Why does my ex keep talking to me?

  1. #1
    kevinm
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    Why does my ex keep talking to me?

    I'm just curious as to why my ex keeps talking to me. We broke up a month ago and since that time we've had very limited contact. She's told me she misses me, felt like "we" (read: she) made a mistake, etc.

    Then when she contacts me there's still nothing there as far as what she has to say. I can tell she is trying to extract my feelings, trying to draw me out. And while I do still care for her, my desire to reconcile things with her keeps diminishing. I feel if she wants me back she would make greater efforts beyond simply telling me she misses me.

    She has called me a couple of times, usually once a week and when we talk she says nothing. She tells me about her day to day stuff, how her daughter is doing, etc. The thing is, if she doesn't have anything to say of any importance relating to reconciliation, why contact me every week? On top of all of this our conversations are so brief, with her always being the one to disconnect such as, "Okay, well I just wanted to see how you were doing. I'm going to get back to what I was doing. Talk to you later."

    With my long distance friends (college buddies, friends in other states, etc) I usually catch up with them maybe once a month.

    So what gives?

    -Kevin

  2. #2
    NoPainNoGain

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    Shes looking for an ego boost.Dont take the bait

  3. #3
    DN

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    She possibly wants you to make the first move. But it is also likely that if you do she will shut you down and deny that is what she wants.

  4. #4
    Portage
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    Well i believe she isn't ready to cut the ties. She wants to know that you are still around and 'available'. History and comfort level with another is a hard connection to let go of, regardless as to who ended the relationship.

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    kevinm
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    I think you are all correct. DN, why do you think she would shut me down?

    -Kevin

  6. #6
    NoPainNoGain

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    Because woman like the chase.Once she knows she has you hooked she will shut you down .....

  7. #7
    i_win
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    If you were smart this is what you should do and I'm being 100% serious.

    You need to re-establish your dignity in this situation and regain the upperhand and here is how you do it.

    Stop acting like the victim here and instead start feelilng liberated. You are free from her now and you don't have to put up with someone that is confused about their feelings towards you. That is cruel and you are better off finding someone that doesn't have to question their feelings towards you.

    So stop picking up the phone when she calls, stop responding to emails, and don't reply to any of her text messages.

    I would tell her that you are happy now and have moved on and would prefer it if she didn't contact you anymore because you simply don't have the time now that you have your life back.

    And then stay gone. This will give you the space and distance you need to move on with your life and separate the emotional connection that the two of you have and that is keeping you in contact. She showed her true feelings when she showed you the door, now you take control and show her the door right back.

    I know this may sound cruel, unnessesary, whatever...but the fact is that unless you do this you are going to constantly be in a state of limbo where you're not sure from day to day if this woman loves you and wants to be with you or not. So take the power away from her and make the decision for yourself that you aren't going to put up with this.

    It will either keep her gone for good or drive her back but either way this is to get you back and for you alone.

  8. #8
    DN

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    Quote Originally Posted by kevinm [Register to see the link]
    I think you are all correct. DN, why do you think she would shut me down?

    -Kevin
    Because some people like to play games. They have a need to know that they are wanted and desired but can't commit themselves. If they feel their ex is moving on in some way they will drop hints that there is a possibility of reconciliation. Once the ex takes the bait they have received their validation that the ex still wants them and that is all they ever wanted - so now they can afford to pull away again.

  9. #9
    Portage
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    Quote Originally Posted by DN [Register to see the link]
    Because some people like to play games. They have a need to know that they are wanted and desired but can't commit themselves. If they feel their ex is moving on in some way they will drop hints that there is a possibility of reconciliation. Once the ex takes the bait they have received their validation that the ex still wants them and that is all they ever wanted - so now they can afford to pull away again.
    I completely agree. I also think it speaks volumes regarding their insecurity factor.

  10. #10
    kevinm
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    Iwin, with all due respect, I disagree with your opinion. I don't feel the need to get into the NC debate, beyond stating that I'm not for NC, at least in this particular case.

    And for the record, I am a fairly smart guy, I don't see where I have lost my dignity, and I'm not painting myself as a victim here. I broke it off with her. As far as "having my life back", I don't define my life based upon a love relationship, so how can I regain something I have never lost?

    While I appreciate your input iwin, you are way out of line.

    -Kevin

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