Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Why does my ex keep talking to me?

  1. #1
    kevinm
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    PNW-USA
    Age
    42
    Posts
    1,083
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    95

    Why does my ex keep talking to me?

    I'm just curious as to why my ex keeps talking to me. We broke up a month ago and since that time we've had very limited contact. She's told me she misses me, felt like "we" (read: she) made a mistake, etc.

    Then when she contacts me there's still nothing there as far as what she has to say. I can tell she is trying to extract my feelings, trying to draw me out. And while I do still care for her, my desire to reconcile things with her keeps diminishing. I feel if she wants me back she would make greater efforts beyond simply telling me she misses me.

    She has called me a couple of times, usually once a week and when we talk she says nothing. She tells me about her day to day stuff, how her daughter is doing, etc. The thing is, if she doesn't have anything to say of any importance relating to reconciliation, why contact me every week? On top of all of this our conversations are so brief, with her always being the one to disconnect such as, "Okay, well I just wanted to see how you were doing. I'm going to get back to what I was doing. Talk to you later."

    With my long distance friends (college buddies, friends in other states, etc) I usually catch up with them maybe once a month.

    So what gives?

    -Kevin

  2. #2
    NoPainNoGain

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    madagaskar
    Age
    36
    Posts
    244
    Gender
    Male
    Shes looking for an ego boost.Dont take the bait

  3. #3
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    9
    She possibly wants you to make the first move. But it is also likely that if you do she will shut you down and deny that is what she wants.

  4. #4
    Portage
    Platinum Member Portage's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,705
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    Well i believe she isn't ready to cut the ties. She wants to know that you are still around and 'available'. History and comfort level with another is a hard connection to let go of, regardless as to who ended the relationship.

  5. #5
    kevinm
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    PNW-USA
    Age
    42
    Posts
    1,083
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    95
    I think you are all correct. DN, why do you think she would shut me down?

    -Kevin

  6. #6
    NoPainNoGain

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    madagaskar
    Age
    36
    Posts
    244
    Gender
    Male
    Because woman like the chase.Once she knows she has you hooked she will shut you down .....

  7. #7
    i_win
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    1,071
    If you were smart this is what you should do and I'm being 100% serious.

    You need to re-establish your dignity in this situation and regain the upperhand and here is how you do it.

    Stop acting like the victim here and instead start feelilng liberated. You are free from her now and you don't have to put up with someone that is confused about their feelings towards you. That is cruel and you are better off finding someone that doesn't have to question their feelings towards you.

    So stop picking up the phone when she calls, stop responding to emails, and don't reply to any of her text messages.

    I would tell her that you are happy now and have moved on and would prefer it if she didn't contact you anymore because you simply don't have the time now that you have your life back.

    And then stay gone. This will give you the space and distance you need to move on with your life and separate the emotional connection that the two of you have and that is keeping you in contact. She showed her true feelings when she showed you the door, now you take control and show her the door right back.

    I know this may sound cruel, unnessesary, whatever...but the fact is that unless you do this you are going to constantly be in a state of limbo where you're not sure from day to day if this woman loves you and wants to be with you or not. So take the power away from her and make the decision for yourself that you aren't going to put up with this.

    It will either keep her gone for good or drive her back but either way this is to get you back and for you alone.

  8. #8
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    9
    Quote Originally Posted by kevinm [Register to see the link]
    I think you are all correct. DN, why do you think she would shut me down?

    -Kevin
    Because some people like to play games. They have a need to know that they are wanted and desired but can't commit themselves. If they feel their ex is moving on in some way they will drop hints that there is a possibility of reconciliation. Once the ex takes the bait they have received their validation that the ex still wants them and that is all they ever wanted - so now they can afford to pull away again.

  9. #9
    Portage
    Platinum Member Portage's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,705
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    Quote Originally Posted by DN [Register to see the link]
    Because some people like to play games. They have a need to know that they are wanted and desired but can't commit themselves. If they feel their ex is moving on in some way they will drop hints that there is a possibility of reconciliation. Once the ex takes the bait they have received their validation that the ex still wants them and that is all they ever wanted - so now they can afford to pull away again.
    I completely agree. I also think it speaks volumes regarding their insecurity factor.

  10. #10
    kevinm
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    PNW-USA
    Age
    42
    Posts
    1,083
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    95
    Iwin, with all due respect, I disagree with your opinion. I don't feel the need to get into the NC debate, beyond stating that I'm not for NC, at least in this particular case.

    And for the record, I am a fairly smart guy, I don't see where I have lost my dignity, and I'm not painting myself as a victim here. I broke it off with her. As far as "having my life back", I don't define my life based upon a love relationship, so how can I regain something I have never lost?

    While I appreciate your input iwin, you are way out of line.

    -Kevin

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
Does everyone have some positive qualities?
Since the day I had been dumped (got dumped in April and after all the failed efforts to reconcile, accepted his decision in mid July). I feel I am a
Should i end a marriage over this??
Honestly i was one to think id never have to post about something like this. Like most couples i felt that i could trust my wife. I was able to talk
Turning 36
So Im turning 36 and Im feeling a little lost and behinde and running out of time. Might be just one of those times. But I feel like ok Im
We cope differently. I get it. He doesn't.
So my boyfriend (24) and I (21) have been dating for about 10 months now, but we have known each other for over 3 years as friends. While we are
Feelings of shame and depression
I'm a first poster on here and I'm desperate for advice/reassurance. I have just got back from a few days abroad for my friends wedding with my
I need help
So on October 7 my boy friend asked for a break and we haven't really been talking like we use to or texting like if we see each other at work we
What's wrong with me?
Ok so pretty much I was in college. To be honest I was a slacker I was just there having a good time not really thinking about the future. One day

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
My (ex?) girlfriend has anorexia and it probably destroyed our relationship - what to do?
Hello. I would like to tell my story. I am a 22 year-old male dating an 18 year-old female, though we have probably broken up today. This is
Question about how I should handle the finances in my marriage
I recently married my bf of 5 years and we are expecting a baby early next year. Since then I've found out some rather disturbing things about his
married now found out she cheated while we were dating Im so confused help
We have been married 2 years and dated a long time before we were married (16yrs) 5 years into our relationship my wife , then gf went on a cruise
Wanting To Be With Loved One In After-Life
Has anyone who has ever lost a loved one with whom they were extremely close and loved dearly ever thought about taking his/her own life so as to be
Does everyone have some positive qualities?
Since the day I had been dumped (got dumped in April and after all the failed efforts to reconcile, accepted his decision in mid July). I feel I am a
I it wrong to date my sister's ex boyfriend?
My sister was dating a guy for two month, and me and her bf start being friends until they broke up.....i have feelings for him and he also loves me
She left me because she thinks I'm dumb
I have been in relationship with this girl and moved to her country 3 months ago and lately things are going pretty bad and she is seeking for a
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •