Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Why does my ex keep talking to me?

  1. #1
    kevinm
    Platinum Member kevinm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    PNW-USA
    Age
    40
    Posts
    1,054
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    60

    Why does my ex keep talking to me?

    I'm just curious as to why my ex keeps talking to me. We broke up a month ago and since that time we've had very limited contact. She's told me she misses me, felt like "we" (read: she) made a mistake, etc.

    Then when she contacts me there's still nothing there as far as what she has to say. I can tell she is trying to extract my feelings, trying to draw me out. And while I do still care for her, my desire to reconcile things with her keeps diminishing. I feel if she wants me back she would make greater efforts beyond simply telling me she misses me.


    She has called me a couple of times, usually once a week and when we talk she says nothing. She tells me about her day to day stuff, how her daughter is doing, etc. The thing is, if she doesn't have anything to say of any importance relating to reconciliation, why contact me every week? On top of all of this our conversations are so brief, with her always being the one to disconnect such as, "Okay, well I just wanted to see how you were doing. I'm going to get back to what I was doing. Talk to you later."

    With my long distance friends (college buddies, friends in other states, etc) I usually catch up with them maybe once a month.

    So what gives?

    -Kevin

  2. #2
    NoPainNoGain

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    madagaskar
    Age
    35
    Posts
    244
    Gender
    Male
    Shes looking for an ego boost.Dont take the bait

  3. #3
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    4
    She possibly wants you to make the first move. But it is also likely that if you do she will shut you down and deny that is what she wants.

  4. #4
    Portage
    Platinum Member Portage's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,705
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    Well i believe she isn't ready to cut the ties. She wants to know that you are still around and 'available'. History and comfort level with another is a hard connection to let go of, regardless as to who ended the relationship.

  5. #5
    kevinm
    Platinum Member kevinm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    PNW-USA
    Age
    40
    Posts
    1,054
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    60
    I think you are all correct. DN, why do you think she would shut me down?

    -Kevin

  6. #6
    NoPainNoGain

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    madagaskar
    Age
    35
    Posts
    244
    Gender
    Male
    Because woman like the chase.Once she knows she has you hooked she will shut you down .....

  7. #7
    i_win
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    1,071
    If you were smart this is what you should do and I'm being 100% serious.

    You need to re-establish your dignity in this situation and regain the upperhand and here is how you do it.

    Stop acting like the victim here and instead start feelilng liberated. You are free from her now and you don't have to put up with someone that is confused about their feelings towards you. That is cruel and you are better off finding someone that doesn't have to question their feelings towards you.

    So stop picking up the phone when she calls, stop responding to emails, and don't reply to any of her text messages.

    I would tell her that you are happy now and have moved on and would prefer it if she didn't contact you anymore because you simply don't have the time now that you have your life back.

    And then stay gone. This will give you the space and distance you need to move on with your life and separate the emotional connection that the two of you have and that is keeping you in contact. She showed her true feelings when she showed you the door, now you take control and show her the door right back.

    I know this may sound cruel, unnessesary, whatever...but the fact is that unless you do this you are going to constantly be in a state of limbo where you're not sure from day to day if this woman loves you and wants to be with you or not. So take the power away from her and make the decision for yourself that you aren't going to put up with this.

    It will either keep her gone for good or drive her back but either way this is to get you back and for you alone.

  8. #8
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    4
    Quote Originally Posted by kevinm [Register to see the link]
    I think you are all correct. DN, why do you think she would shut me down?

    -Kevin
    Because some people like to play games. They have a need to know that they are wanted and desired but can't commit themselves. If they feel their ex is moving on in some way they will drop hints that there is a possibility of reconciliation. Once the ex takes the bait they have received their validation that the ex still wants them and that is all they ever wanted - so now they can afford to pull away again.

  9. #9
    Portage
    Platinum Member Portage's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,705
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by DN [Register to see the link]
    Because some people like to play games. They have a need to know that they are wanted and desired but can't commit themselves. If they feel their ex is moving on in some way they will drop hints that there is a possibility of reconciliation. Once the ex takes the bait they have received their validation that the ex still wants them and that is all they ever wanted - so now they can afford to pull away again.
    I completely agree. I also think it speaks volumes regarding their insecurity factor.

  10. #10
    kevinm
    Platinum Member kevinm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    PNW-USA
    Age
    40
    Posts
    1,054
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    60
    Iwin, with all due respect, I disagree with your opinion. I don't feel the need to get into the NC debate, beyond stating that I'm not for NC, at least in this particular case.

    And for the record, I am a fairly smart guy, I don't see where I have lost my dignity, and I'm not painting myself as a victim here. I broke it off with her. As far as "having my life back", I don't define my life based upon a love relationship, so how can I regain something I have never lost?

    While I appreciate your input iwin, you are way out of line.

    -Kevin

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
Ugly pictures
We had a professional photographer come in at work. I used the photo and put it on my dating profile. But when my Roomie saw it,she said take it
Am I getting played
Not sure if anyone reading has seen my othere post in the other threads. Ive seen to gotten mixed up with the wrong female and things just are not
Feeling really down - suicide and self harm
It's been a while since I posted on her, so here it goes. I've been feeling really down lately, I've been frequently self harming and been having
HELP PLZ! Idk how to handle all this. Reply plz
My exs new bf is constantly harrasing me and friends, mocking me and stuff. My ex is doing the same but not directly at me. Spreading lies about me
Dilemma with co-worker
Hi guys. I am not sure if I am posting to the right forum but this is my first time here, apologies in advance if I am not doing the right thing. I
In some need of someone to figure out why I'm feeling like this
I'm terrible at expressing what I feel. The only thing I'm not afraid to show is anger. I hate crying in front of anyone or feeling like I'm a burden
Ladies can you tell when a guy is depressed?
I tried to talk to some women recently. I just got looked at weird and that. Can you tell when a guy is heartbroken or depressed?

online counseling
Featured Threads
Ugly pictures
We had a professional photographer come in at work. I used the photo and put it on my dating profile. But when my Roomie saw it,she said take it
Not being "too" available.
I posted a few days ago about the younger guy I've been dating for 6 months and how he doesn't want to use BG/GF labels. I got some great feedback
I am having difficulty accepting my boyfriends bisexuality for no reason
So here goes; the main reason why I got this account here is probably because I am so ashamed of myself and that because I am surrounded by either
relationship advice
hi... I'll start by saying i'm a guy, i just really needed a woman's point of view for this, so i hope you can help me! My mom is paying for my
Seeing ex tomorrow..so confused. Need advice!
Hi everyone. I'm really confused with my ex. Dated two years; he was very hurt by the breakup. He hasn't dated many people, and I was his first
Needing advice and/or support with ex girlfriend
Ok. Long story short... I ended up in a serious relationship with my best friend of 7 years. The last 3 years of which we were in a serious
I really need some advice and a outside opinion
I really don't know what to do ... My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year now she is no longer attracted to me but tells me she loves
Ask For Advice

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •