"ex" will not leave her alone...

Been dating current g/f for about half a year.

One of her "ex's" (she claims they never officially dated - but I know they were good friends, hung out alot at one point, and have messed around physically a bit). Has a habit of getting very drunk and calling or texting her very late (usually past 3am).

This has been going on since we started dating, at first I didnt make too big a deal out of it, but his communications are getting increasingly suggestive and inappropriate (asking her what color underwear she has on, if she misses him, etc) and has not stopped. I told her that I am not comfortable with this, and she said that all she can do is ignore the messages. Whatever. He will then apologize to her a couple days later, and she will eat it up.

The thing that concerns me is this guy is a real alcoholic scumbag, and continues to try to get in touch with her, and she will not say anything to him to tell him to stop. I have come very close to saying something to him myself but gave her one last chance to take care of it on her own, yet he continues to do it. I now feel that her doing nothing to actively stop/prevent this behavior is the same as encouraging it. Its to the point now where I told her that she HAS to say something to him, and tell him to NEVER contact her again, or I will end this relationship. I find it very disrespectful (to her, and our relationship) the things he says and am losing patience with it. He knows that we are in a serious relationship, yet continues to act that way, and thinks that a weekly apology can tie everything up nicely.

Am I out of line for now demanding that she make it very clear to end all communication with him? I have been very patient in letting it run its course, and giving her more than a few opportunities to take care of it on her own - yet she continues to do nothing. Do you think there is a reason for her not saying anything to him?

She probably enjoys the attention. If she really wanted him to stop contacting her, she could/should have just changed her number, problem solved.

The fact that she hasn't done that is just encouragement enough for the guy to continue contacting her.

I really think you should step in and say something. Otherwise, you will be right back here posting in another thread about your girl breaking your heart.

You are not out of line at all. I have bene the victim in this scam a few times myself.

You are perfectly within your rights to hand her your phone and say, call him NOW and end this contact, or I do it.

TRUST me if you dont, you WILL find them in a passionate embrace sooner or later.

Like it or not, she is definitely encouraging it by doing nothing.

Remember - you keeping quiet on this does NOT make you the 'cool boyfriend' - it makes you the sucker who takes her out to eat while mr alkie rolls her in the sack.

Don't let it happen to you.

PM me and keep me posted.

TTT

She probably enjoys the attention. If she really wanted him to stop contacting her, she could/should have just changed her number, problem solved.

 

The fact that she hasn't done that is just encouragement enough for the guy to continue contacting her.

 

I really think you should step in and say something. Otherwise, you will be right back here posting in another thread about your girl breaking your heart.

Oh I dont expect her to change her number or anything that drastic. I'd at least like something more than this passive-aggressive "well, its stupid and doesnt mean anything - if i dont respond to him its no big deal".

She has a right to be friends with whomever she wants, ex or not (i'm friends with a couple of mine) - but to me you lose that right whenever any kind of disrespect or disregard for our relationship takes place. I know if anyone were to contact me in the manner that he does to her I wouldnt hesitate for a second to tell them to f off. Am I crazy to expect that same kind of treatment?

She absolutely does have the right to be friends with whoever she chooses. But, when you are in a relationship, your friends, be they exes or not, need to repsect the boundaries of the relationship. That is CLEARLY not being done here.

I am trying to save you some grief. You gotta get on this, and do so today.

The guy wouldn't be this communicative - if she weren't this receptive.

She won't admit it but she *loves* the attention...which sucks, because it's downright disrespectful to you when she won't make the effort to do something about it.

You better put your foot down or she's going to see just how far she can push you.