4am...my phone rings...

Its 4am, I’m dead asleep . . . my phone lay on the pillow next to me and it rings. It wakes me up... Startles me ... out of impulse and being half asleep I answer it ... not even knowing who it was ...

It was him.

First words out of him mouth. "Can I be honest with you?" I’m thinking oh my god. When you hear those words your first initial thought is "oh he still loves me, he misses me ... blah blah blah." But instead this is what I hear ...

"You were my best lay, I miss laying you."Though he used other words.

I immediately WAKE UP ... and sit up in my bed. Thinking to myself ... is he SERIOUSLY saying this to me? Then I think out loud.

Then he says ... I have everything I want in my life right now. I have my popularity back. Everyone wants to be me. I'm overall happy. I’ve had chances to have had sex with other girls but I want you. I can't promise that I'll ever be with you again but (HERE IS THE REAL DOOSEY) I can promise you that if we "have sex" that you'll be the only girl that I have sex with. I RESPECT MYSELF more then that.

I am NOT just going to be an object. He even admitted, he doesn't want to be with me ... but he'll gladly have sex with me??? RIGHT dude.

At this point… I'm speechless. I’m thinking to myself if you have everything YOU WANT in your life and you are SO HAPPY then WHY IN THE HECK ARE YOU CALLING ME?!Why even waste your breath if you are SO HAPPY?!

Then he goes on ... and starts to tell me that HE NEVER LOVED ME. That he only cared for me and still does. He said that if he were to see someone kicking my butt on the side of the road that he would "have my back" and that should mean a lot to me. He then went on to tell me that I am fake and that I have NO goals in life BUT to get back with him! Oh yes, my biggest goal in life is to be with him.

Earlier that night he saw me out with a group of people, having a GOOD time. SO I think this is what sparked the phone call . . .

MY conclusion of all this: THE TABLES HAVE TURNED. He misses me. He is a little boy ... and he doesn't know how to man up and just admit it ... so instead he has to make me HURT. He's pissed off that I STILL not chasing him. He's mad that I am OKAY without him. HE is feeling it now and doesn't know what else to do . . . and THESE are his true colors showing. He's immature. He can't be a MAN. Sure, he may NOT have loved me ... but he had to have felt something for me after a year and a half.

What do you guys think about all this? What is he trying to do?! BESIDES get in my pants . . . that's a dead giveaway ... but do you think this is his way of handling his own pain ... like he has to put on a FRONT ... and make me think he's OK ... and blah blah ... cause think about it if he was telling the truth about all the "Girls he could have" Or how "Perfect his life is" then HE WOULDN'T BE CALLING ME, period.

OMG Barbie. I can't believe he started off this call with "You were my best lay, I miss laying you."Though he used other words.

He totally was making a booty call. I am so glad you are not falling for this.

Personally I'm a little distrustful of 4:00 AM phone calls...

Why didn't you just hang up on him when you recognised his voice?

Well, what do you think he is trying to prove here??

Could it be that this is HIS WAY of expressing HIS feelings? Do you think maybe in the slightest, that the tables have turned?

And given his reputation he cannot just be a man and say it upfront that he may miss me? Instead he's a little boy and has to hurt me?

You have already posted that this guy is a loser. Why have anything more to do with him? If you don't want him, who cares why he called?

I haven't had anything to do with him. After a MONTH ... he CALLS me. I haven't spoke to him. We haven't spoke.

I agree with the others. Who cares why? The minute he started talking would have been my cue to hang up. Why would you even listen to any of it?

Things he said sound all over the place. Maybe he was drunk (not an excuse though).

I just did.

Honestly, I CARE. Okay, I CARE. I care why he said such awful things.

I care that he feels all I ever was, was a good lay. After a year and a half of being together.

I BELIEVE that his is his way of dealing with his *immature boy feelings* he cannot be a man.

I understand caring and being upset that he said such lousy things to you. I'd be upset, too. However, you had the option to hang up the phone. But you stayed on and listened to someone say some really vicious things. Why? That's the part that's important- when we allow someone to hurt us, they might take the opportunity.

ICK -- Barbie, he's a huge loser. You know this already, though.

I can understand why you'd care -- I mean, why would he be with you for so long if he didn't love you or at least care a lot about you? If it was just sex, why couldn't he have just found someone else for sex?

What he said doesn't add up. Personally, I think he's having huge regrets. Most people, when they have those kinds of regrets, do one of two things: 1) Beg, plead, get all clingy and weird, telling you they'll be BETTER, they PROMISE, if you just give them another chance; or 2) Unload a bunch of really mean, rude crap on you -- the whole "sour grapes" thing. He's clearly doing #2. You haven't contacted him and haven't acted like you care at all, and that bugs him, so he's punishing you. Let him punish away -- he's an idiot.

From now on, just don't answer when he calls. I agree with the poster who said he's suspicious of 4 a.m. phone calls -- I am too. They are never, never about anything good.

Hang in there, and keep walking the other way. Your ex is a total *tool*. He is clearly a very insecure, desperate person to be making phone calls like that.

I understand what you are saying, bulletproof.

I'm just trying to figure out what he was trying to do.

I think that you can analyse this to death, but there's no point. He's a loser. It's hurtful that he did the things he did and said what he did. You just have to vent about it, let it all out, then draw a line under it.

Well, what do you think he is trying to prove here??

 

Could it be that this is HIS WAY of expressing HIS feelings? Do you think maybe in the slightest, that the tables have turned?

 

And given his reputation he cannot just be a man and say it upfront that he may miss me? Instead he's a little boy and has to hurt me?

He called you at 4am and the first thing out of his mouth was talking about what a good "lay" you are.

Come on Barbie, this man doesn't miss "you" he was drunk dialing or was horny, or most likely both.

I cannot fathom how you can even turn this around to make it appear he was feeling nostalgia.

He might as well have said, look, i dont respect you enough to call you at a decent hour and i think you are my ***** so get over here and pull your pants down.

Seriously barbie, i know that sounds vulgar but no more vulgar than what he said. This is exactly what he means. Zero respect.

Sure, he may NOT have loved me. But we were together for a year and a half ... he had to have felt something. He only asked me to marry him ...

It's insane. I know I can analyze it to death and NEVER know. BUT I CAN try and understand.

Well, that's easy. He was trying to make you feel bad because he is not a nice person, and he has anger issues, and he is immature. That's about it. He is not dealing well with rejection. Why does anyone ever say horrible things to anyone? Because that person is taking out his own personal pain on the rest of the world. But luckily, you are bigger than that and you can rise above it and realize that it isn't personal and you are way better off without this person in your life.

He's doing exactly the same things now as he did when you are together. Basically being a jerk.

What else do you need to know?

i can't believe he had the nerve to say the things that he said.

the whole im so happy with my life. everyone wants me. everyone wants to be me. PLEASE.

i bet you not one girl (besides the one) has even given him the time of day. so he isn't getting laid ... so he calls me.

and to tell me that my only goal in life is to be with him? like, seriously is he serious?!

Change your phone number and turn it off before you go to bed. Voicemails are easily deleted given one is left. One will leave a message if its important.

Sure, he may NOT have loved me. But we were together for a year and a half ... he had to have felt something. He only asked me to marry him ...

 

It's insane. I know I can analyze it to death and NEVER know. BUT I CAN try and understand.

Okay, let's say for a minute it means he's still in love with you. Then what? It doesn't matter, because you won't be getting together with him anyway. And let's say it means he never loved you. That's more or less irrelevant, too, because it's in the past. All you ever need to worry about is right now, at least in terms of this situation. What's done is done, and what will happen is unknown.

I understand why you didn't hang up...curiosity. After hearing the nonsense that was coming out of his mouth it would be hard not hear what other loser comments he was going to make, so I totally get it. It might have been better to hang up, but hard to do. He obviously has a massive ego...what a total loser. It just reinforces that you've done the right thing by refusing to let him be part of your life anymore. It doesn't really matter why he did it, only that he did...what a jerk.

The fact that he is this old and still places a value on popularity just adds onto the evidence of how immature and insecure he is.

Barbie, this "man" is so insecure and he's the type of guy that wants to bring everyone down with him. If he was truly happy, he wouldn't have to point out that everyone wants to be him. It's all fake. He saw you out happy, so he calls to make you feel like crap just like he feels about himself. My ex used to do that all the time. He feels bad so he wants you to feel bad too, and how dare you move on and feel good about yourself.

I agree with everyone else that next time, you should just hang up when you hear his voice. There is nothing he can say that is worth hearing and it only keeps you in this cycle of, "what does he mean by this?" And he knows it. He's trying to maintain some sort of control over your life.

Should he call again ... do I answer and tell him that I will not be his "sex toy" and whatnot. Or should I just NOT give him the time of day and NOT answeR?

Should he call again ... do I answer and tell him that I will not be his "sex toy" and whatnot. Or should I just NOT give him the time of day and NOT answeR?

Don't answer. Silence speaks volumes.