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Thread: Causes of Love-Shyness

  1. #1
    Silver Member Raize's Avatar
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    Causes of Love-Shyness

    A week or two ago I followed a link from this forum to a 'love-shy' website, as well as the Wikipedia 'Love-Shy' page. The scary thing is, the descriptions of what characterises a 'Love-Shy' guy are largely what characterises me!

    Things such as:

    - Aspergers: I have long wondered whether I may have some form of Aspergers. As a kid, would I often would 'tune out' of the real world and jot down random ideas / stories / wacky inventions down in notebooks. These days I think my wacky thinking manifests itself more in music composition.

    - Anxiety: The way I feel in matters concerning approaching girls whom I am interested in exactly matches the description of what anxiety is. (debilitating high uncontrollable stress / rapid heartbeat, loss of appetite, sometimes mild nausea).

    - Nasal Polyps: I have no idea what this has to do with being love-shy, but even when I don't have a cold, at the best of times my nose usually feels slightly blocked / congested. Probably the wrong forum, but can somebody *please* explain to me how the hell this can/does attribute to love-shyness!

    I've generally always been a 'lonerish' kind of guy - Except at the same time I have always had a strong close circle of friends my whole life. I can sometimes be quite introverted, and other times a complete extrovert and silly center-of-attention guy who likes to make people laugh, depending on how I feel.

    It's probably more that I typically don't mind my own company, it gives me time to unwind and focus on my interests and gather my thoughts about things. But I also like the company of friends, family, workmates, busy places, (and love interests) from time to time.

    Anyone else here feel they are 'Love-Shy', yet can at times be social and outgoing also?

    And what is with that Nasal Polyp connection to Love-shyness?? I don't get it, but it sounds like it might concern me...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member pianoguy's Avatar
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    I think you're just introverted. There's nothing wrong with that. Most people get nervous when they are talking to somebody from the opposite sex whom they find attractive. Some are better at hiding it than others, that's all.

    Nasal polyps have nothing to do with your personality. Sounds like urban legend or a practical joke.

    Be careful what you find on Wikipedia, it's not always accurate.

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    Platinum Member pianoguy's Avatar
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    I checked out that Wiki article and it's riddled with inaccuracies. You'll note the tags at the top of the page that say that the article is heavily disputed- whenever you see that you should probably look elsewhere for information.

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    I think I can be a pretty shy guy, but something I've come to realize is that I only really clam up like that around other guys. I'm usually more comfortable being myself around girls, and I suppose being that I'm not gay, that that's a good thing. But, I think my thing is, I've had a lot of trouble, specifically in high school, with guys; guys were always putting me down for stupid reasons, and I just had a hard time fitting in and making friends with a lot of them because of that. Whereas, I knew quite a few girls in school, and I had very little trouble being myself around them, they didn't seem as judgemental as the guys.

    There WERE two problems with that, though; for one, with the girls I was friendly with, I was never really attracted to them, for anything more than friendship. So, I'm not 100% sure that I'd be more open to a girl if I really had feelings for her; I like to think I would though. Anyway, problem #2 for me was that, even though I was friendlier with girls, I tried to keep my interactions with them limited, because there was always the stereotype (at least at my school) that if a guy hangs around with girls instead of other guys, he must be gay.

    So, I dunno. Like I said, I'm not too worried about not being open enough to find a girlfriend, but I suppose I need to work on my confidence level around other guys, so I can have some guy friends.

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    Silver Member Raize's Avatar
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    Well I can get quite comfortable around a Girl I am interested in / have feelings for if we are around each other a lot, like being around each other at least a couple of days a week. It is just that expressing of deeper feelings part I have problems getting over.

    Pianoguy: As for Wikipedia, maybe they need another sympom for Love-Shy people... Gullible when it comes to reading 'facts' on websites. lol

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    Platinum Member Timebandit's Avatar
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    I believe your are referring to the work of Brian C. Gilmartin. See more here: link removed

    Frankly, I think the love-shy term is load of BS. What he describes as a condition rather seems to be a mix of various symptoms (and causes). As for the possible nasal-polyp connection I don't know. But it seems that Gilmartin is also looking into astrologial & reincarnation explanations... so the scientific value of his work is probably a bit dubious (I am gentle here).

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    Silver Member Raize's Avatar
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    Well I consider myself an 'open-minded' skeptic. I am willing to keep an open mind about a select few things, like maybe the possibility of other life out there.

    But Reincarnation? Astrology? Get outa heere!

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    Platinum Member lilypadgirl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Raize
    And what is with that Nasal Polyp connection to Love-shyness?? I don't get it, but it sounds like it might concern me...
    Okay this is a complete guess by me and based on no real evidence...

    But I think that nasal polyp happens to people with allergies (especially people with year-round allergies). So there's a sense of grogginess and fogginess. This makes someone more hesitant about his/her surroundings and less confident in general around people...leading to more shyness.

    Just my guess. I have slight allergies year around, not enough for nasal polyps, but enough to feel groggy and foggy...and I'm less social and more hesitant about myself and less confident in my response to my environment during those times.

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    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
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    I think Gilmartin's work is interesting and it is definitely food for thought..it is like anything else however...even the more scientific studies...has to be taken with a grain of salt because it is not a one size fits all scenario. Scientific studies are one day all over the news and the next day slammed as inaccurate. You can't take all information as the gospel truth...but you can learn from information that is out there and see if it is relevant to your own situation. I would say that even the DSM for psychiatric disorders should not be taken as the gospel truth because it fits people into neat little boxes...people are more complex than that.

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    Bronze Member CrashTestDummy's Avatar
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    I think the nasal polyp has something to do with sounding like a nerd, I experience it and sometimes I don't like hearing myself speak...

    I dont think others think thats it a big deal, but self consciously, I feel like it is

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