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Thread: 'Cause I haven't talked about it in a while

  1. #1
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    'Cause I haven't talked about it in a while

    I'm feeling pretty good about the rape now days. I feel like I've changed a lot.
    I can hear about it on television and not flip out. When I think about my rapist or his accomplice, I just think of them as people.

    I feel like a normal person, and that's something I've needed for so long now.

    The only thing I have problems with is the PTSD. And the only time that bothers me, if I allow myself to become realllly stressed. Then life sucks, and I'm depressed, and stuck in an endless state of *blah*. I pretty much shut down, and my body hurts.

    But aside from that I like to think that I'm cured.

    The depression is still there unfortunately, but it is only bad when PTSD is in full force.

    Anywho, I feel pretty much at peace about the rape.

    Aside from that, something that may have helped, is realizing that there are millions of sexual predators on this earth.

    Online they show you how many live within radius of where you do. I haven't checked my area, but in Southern California there is a place where there are 200 of them living within a mile radius of a residential area.

    It makes me think, if there are that many predators, I could multiply that number by 3 and come up with the lowest number of possible victims.

    I don't know, it just makes me feel a little less isolated. There are tons of them around, and they've raped so many women...it's just apart of life on this earth, rape happens.

    Not to say that it's okay at all. It's not.

    I mean look how long it has taken me to feel somewhat better about this, 2years, a month, and some days.

    I feel less like my life is destroyed. I used to have such sever problems, my mind was a mess and I wanted to die.

    But there is life after rape. Life gets better.

    I don't feel dirty anymore, and that makes me happy. It feels good to not feel that way.

    I can't take images of rape of anything, like in movies or shows, I can't watch that, but still it's better than before.

    Anywho, I guess that's about all.

    Thanks for listening!

    ~Grace

  2. #2
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    dear grace,
    ive always followed up on your threads since the day i found ENA, and ever since, whenever i remember to pray, i pray for you.
    your a very strong person for over-coming what happened to you.
    proberly one of the most inspirational people on ENA ive ever met

    i hope your new realisation brings you lots of smiles, and even more happiness.

    your friend,
    alex

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    So glad to hear that the sense of 'normality' is returning for you. You've come so far, and I admire you for that.

    Just a few questions, though.

    Aside from that, something that may have helped, is realizing that there are millions of sexual predators on this earth.
    I don't know, it just makes me feel a little less isolated. There are tons of them around, and they've raped so many women...it's just apart of life on this earth, rape happens.
    Does the 'these things just happen' attitude really help a rape victim? The idea of so many offenders walking this earth doesn't comfort me. In fact, quite the opposite. If there are so many on the prowl and it happens as frequently as it does, do you not fear falling into the hands of one again? If so, how do you/did you overcome that fear?

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    Originally Posted by amure
    dear grace,
    ive always followed up on your threads since the day i found ENA, and ever since, whenever i remember to pray, i pray for you.
    your a very strong person for over-coming what happened to you.
    proberly one of the most inspirational people on ENA ive ever met

    i hope your new realisation brings you lots of smiles, and even more happiness.

    your friend,
    alex
    Hey There Alex!!!

    How are you doing?!!! Oh my gosh, you are so sweet! I feel so special, the prayers are working.

    Thanks for all of your support, it means a lot.

    Have a great Easter!

    ~Grace

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Thing1
    So glad to hear that the sense of 'normality' is returning for you. You've come so far, and I admire you for that.

    Just a few questions, though.



    Does the 'these things just happen' attitude really help a rape victim? The idea of so many offenders walking this earth doesn't comfort me. In fact, quite the opposite. If there are so many on the prowl and it happens as frequently as it does, do you not fear falling into the hands of one again? If so, how do you/did you overcome that fear?
    Hey There Thing1 !!!

    How's it going?! Thanks for your reply.

    LOL! Right now realizing that rape is far from uncommon makes me feel more aware. And I'm happy for that.

    Rape is so isolating, and sometimes you focus on your rapist you know?
    Like, oh he's so horrible, he's a monster, he's this and that..

    But the truth is that there are soooooooooooooooooo many people out there who are just like him.

    And rapists are apart of the world we live in. Their acts are evil, and they must be sick to a certain degree because therapist say they are highly resistant to treatment. But it's life you know?

    It's a problem, an epidemic, and it's nothing I can change. It can't be changed by one person.

    So it feels freeing to finally get that.

    So instead of walking around feeling abnormal because I was raped, I realize that I'm far from abnormal because of what happened.

    Of course it has taken me a while to feel like this. I used to be extremely hyper-sensitive to everything, but not anymore.

    I really don't fear being raped again, not at all. I am highly alert when it comes to the environments I'm in.

    I am super intuned to everything.

    If someone gives me a bad vibe, I'm not above running in the opposite direction.

    I've learned to trust my instincts.

    So I have no fear of rape.

    It hard to say how to get over fear regarding rape. It's such a long and hard road.

    I know writing helps the process along in general.

    When you're raped so much is out of your control. Especially if you are diagnosed with disorders post-rape. I mean, it's like living a new life. There is just so much drama. It takes a long time.

    Even now, at times, I fear living on my own. But I don't know if that because of the rape, or the stalking.

    But sometimes you just get tired of being afraid.

    You take a deep breath, decide to trust God, and go on your way.

    Worrying doesn't prevent anything bad from happening in your life.

    You've just got to trust that you'll be able to survive whatever comes your way.

  7. #6
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    Grace, it's so great to hear how well you're doing. You've worked hard on healing yourself and you are now being rewarded for all that good work. I hope you are proud of yourself.

    I'm like you in that it was actually enlightening to see the map of sexual predators and to realize how many lived near me. It made me accept how common, unfortunately, rape and sexual abuse is.

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    Thanks for the reply, Grace. Your viewpoint makes a lot of sense in some ways (though I won't claim to understand it all), and you've done real well to be able to get to that stage. Kudos to you. You're a brave lady.

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    Originally Posted by stella74
    Grace, it's so great to hear how well you're doing. You've worked hard on healing yourself and you are now being rewarded for all that good work. I hope you are proud of yourself.

    I'm like you in that it was actually enlightening to see the map of sexual predators and to realize how many lived near me. It made me accept how common, unfortunately, rape and sexual abuse is.
    Hey Stella!!!

    How's it going?! You're so sweet. You're always so encouraging!

    You looked at the map?! LOL! It puts things into perspective. I've seen maps of other areas, but not my own.

    Ya, it's so sad that sexual misconduct (shall I call it that?) is so rampid. It's an epidemic I think.

    It's sad because in so many cases it lies right beneath the surface, so you can't look at someone and tell.

    Aside from that it's a horribly devastating crime, that's easy to get away with.

    It's not like murder you know? If you murder someone you can rest assured that someone is coming after you.

    However, I get the feeling that many rapists sleep well every night.

    As a victim many times you are so screwed in the head that it takes you a while to report it, if you ever do. And if people you know are involved, it makes it that much harder.

    It's sad, but unbelievably common.

    So...what can be said about that?

    Anywho, knowing that there are sooooooooooo many victims out there, is encouraging in a weird way.

    I know all of those victims didn't just sit down and die, you know?

    They are out there, living life. Working hard to the best of their ability to survive. Many are highly successful, even happy I imagine.

    So it's encouraging in that way.

    It makes me feel hopeful. I won't always feel the way I do right now, I'll continue to improve.

    I've come such a long way already. I know, because when I think of how I used to be....death seems more appealing than having to relive that nightmare.

    Anywho, I get stressed about things at times, but I should focus on the positives instead.

    I hope all is well on your end!

    ~Grace

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    Originally Posted by Thing1
    Thanks for the reply, Grace. Your viewpoint makes a lot of sense in some ways (though I won't claim to understand it all), and you've done real well to be able to get to that stage. Kudos to you. You're a brave lady.
    Hey there Thing1!!!

    Don't worry, believe me when I say it has taken such a lonnnng time to get here.

    Right after the rape, I was afraid to leave my apartment. When I left my apartment, I was afraid to get out of my car. So anytime I was hungry I had to go to a fast food restaurant with a drive through.
    Anytime a man looked at me, it freaked me out. I dressed like crap, I wouldn't shower, and I stuffed myself with food until I felt like vomitting. I didn't want a man to think I was attractive, let alone look at me. And those were the least of my problems.

    So it took a long time to go from that, to not feeling bothered by possibly being surrounded by hurdreds of registered sexual offenders.

    It's a process. But things get better. They can get worse first, but they do get better.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member stella74's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gracelove
    I know all of those victims didn't just sit down and die, you know?

    They are out there, living life. Working hard to the best of their ability to survive. Many are highly successful, even happy I imagine.
    This is exactly right. All you can do is take each day as it comes, do your best, and keep looking forward. I know you know that by now, but I think it helps to have other people reinforce that.

    Grace, you are sweet too. Having a positive attitude is the key!


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