Sociopath Girlfriend?

As part of the healing process - I suspect old girlfriend a sociopath. Desire accurate diagnosis of her (helps to not desire reconciliation for 3rd time).

Here are the sociopath traits:

Adept liar.

Brilliantly evasive.

History of inability to form meaningful relationships.

Inability to take responsibility for behavior.

Superficially charming.

Secretive.

No signs of guilt or responsibility for behavior.

See self as victim.

Here's her opposite traits opposite of a sociopath:

VERY steady employment.

Responsible professionally.

No stealing. Treats friends well.

Here's other personality traits and info:

Excessive working out.

History of eating disorder.

Steel trap mind for detail.

Pursued me obsessively for 10 years only to disappear when successful and developed obsession on another guy immediately.

Commitment-phobic (per book "He's Scared, She's Scared).

Father abandoned family when she was 11.

Maybe she's just a sociopath with an eating disorder? I tried to help. Recommend others not to try. Thanks for diagnosis!

Wow! That was quick. Thanks. Assuming this is an area expertise for you (is it?) and assuming my description of her is accurate, would you say with any degree of certainty that she is a sociopath? What other personality disorders might you suspect? Thanks again!

Maybe she is and maybe she isn't, but I have to say that I see a large number of people come to this forum, hurting from a break-up , who want to diagnose their ex with a mental disorder. If everyone on here who thought their ex was a sociopath/commitment-phobe/bi-polar/narcissist was correct, I don't think there wold be many "sane" people left in the world.

So, you don't for certain if she is a sociopath. But she is:

 

Adept liar.

Brilliantly evasive.

History of inability to form meaningful relationships.

Inability to take responsibility for behavior.

Superficially charming.

Secretive.

No signs of guilt or responsibility for behavior.

See self as victim.

 

She sounds awful! So, in the end, can't you just say she was not a very nice person, had horrible character flaws, and treated you poorly? That alone should be enough to make you stay away from her. Confirming via the internet that she has some hard to diagnose mental disorder will not help your healing. You already know she is not the right woman for you.

After I broke up with my ex, I suspected she had Borderline Personality Disorder, about a year or so later I found I was right as she was actually diagnosed with it.

If you go to a shrink long enough you will be diagonosed with a Personailty Disorder its the only way they can charge you.

You are correct of course. Problem is, I knew her well (or thought I did) for a decade. We were actually good friends while she pursued me. We have all the same friends and run into each other constantly. I'm over her emotionally, just trying to figure out what happened.

TomNy,

I had the same list running. All but the father abandonment, except hers was a work-o-holic so maybe same issue.

I am betting the eating disorder is a bigger theme in your problem. I didn't figure it out till long afterwards. An addiction like that brings a lot of the other things with it. I would even guess it may have been far worse than you know. It is a secrective disease and you (we) only see the tip of it.

I wrestled with why and how come for a long time. I listed and googled trying to find out why my ex was such a train wreck. I applied a lot of disorders to her and they all fit.......but in the end what does it matter? Right or wrong, you are free of a toxic person and free to have the chance to be happy again. The important part is you cut the anchor free.

After a lot of thinking, I came to the conclusion my life with her was crap. I was sad it was over, but I was sad cause I failed at what I wanted and wished for and when I realized what I had at the time was nowhere near that, it became easier. You see what you want to see.

No matter what her problem, you can't save anyone but yourself. If she were a ship and sinking, would you lash yourself to her deck to stop her from going under? Hell no! If an eating disorder or drug addiction or just plain selfishness was the problem, you can't fix that unless they want to fix it themselves. There is no such thing as "unconditional" love and no matter how your end came around, be happy. Let her be someone else's problem, and find someone who is whole and happy, giving and unselfish. Trustworthy and open, and most of all not diseased.

I put up with a depressed and self centered wife, unable to show or express emotion, and broken on the inside but after it was all over, all I had to do is think about how few times she held my hand or kissed my cheek at night and I knew being gone was right. I dated a feww girls after that and had a good one for a year or so.....then I saw it. I saw what was normal. I felt loved, I trusted. I woke up to her kissing my cheek when she came to bed and I knew how much crap I ate before. Don't eat crap......and don't dwell on how broken your ex was.....just be happy she is gone.

I have realized that most people are screwed up in one way or another...some people are text book cases of Personality disorders, some have a hodge podge of traits of personality disorders...and even the personality disordered can have wonderful traits as well. Most people are not all bad or all good. I think that reading about personality disorders is helpful to understand someone even if they have certain aspects but are not full-blown...by understanding it helps you to deal with them and not take there shenanigans personally. However, nobody can really diagnose what someone is or isn't...many people don't really fit into the neat little boxes devised by the Psychiatric profession because people have many sides to them. I think if your ex behaved badly and she is no longer in your life, then it is no point trying to figure out what she is.

Also look up narcissism, has many of the same traits, or borderline personality disorder, lots of overlap. Sociopath is more your garden variety serial killer, the other dysfunctions are bad enough.

If it makes you feel better to give them some kind of disorder....why not!

If it makes you feel better to give them some kind of disorder....why not!

 

I think that is a kind of disorder in itself especially when you look for other people to confirm it dont you think?

I am majoring in Psychology, and for one to be a sociopath that person doesn't show any remorse, shows an early on signs of hurting animals, and etch. But not showing any guilt/remorse is one of the key things to look for.

Maybe she is and maybe she isn't, but I have to say that I see a large number of people come to this forum, hurting from a break-up , who want to diagnose their ex with a mental disorder. If everyone on here who thought their ex was a sociopath/commitment-phobe/bi-polar/narcissist was correct, I don't think there wold be many "sane" people left in the world.

 

So, you don't for certain if she is a sociopath. But she is:

 

 

 

She sounds awful! So, in the end, can't you just say she was not a very nice person, had horrible character flaws, and treated you poorly? That alone should be enough to make you stay away from her. Confirming via the internet that she has some hard to diagnose mental disorder will not help your healing. You already know she is not the right woman for you.

When you have been the victim of abuse you have been abused and the recovery process includes a multitude of different emotions and reactions. Trying to rationalise it is a natural part of that process and one that will in some way enable people to move on. Please dont underestimate the effects of abuse! Its ok to want to label things.

So well said,could n't be said better.Stop trying to find the diamond inside,get out out before you end up being basket case yourself.I've just joined and will be adding my life history of 10 years with a Borderline in next fews days,at will first i will seek some answers on these pages and then hopefully offer some wisdom to new comers.

I had the same list running. All but the father abandonment, except hers was a work-o-holic so maybe same issue.

I am betting the eating disorder is a bigger theme in your problem. I didn't figure it out till long afterwards. An addiction like that brings a lot of the other things with it. I would even guess it may have been far worse than you know. It is a secrective disease and you (we) only see the tip of it.

I wrestled with why and how come for a long time. I listed and googled trying to find out why my ex was such a train wreck. I applied a lot of disorders to her and they all fit.......but in the end what does it matter? Right or wrong, you are free of a toxic person and free to have the chance to be happy again. The important part is you cut the anchor free.

After a lot of thinking, I came to the conclusion my life with her was crap. I was sad it was over, but I was sad cause I failed at what I wanted and wished for and when I realized what I had at the time was nowhere near that, it became easier. You see what you want to see.

No matter what her problem, you can't save anyone but yourself. If she were a ship and sinking, would you lash yourself to her deck to stop her from going under? Hell no! If an eating disorder or drug addiction or just plain selfishness was the problem, you can't fix that unless they want to fix it themselves. There is no such thing as "unconditional" love and no matter how your end came around, be happy. Let her be someone else's problem, and find someone who is whole and happy, giving and unselfish. Trustworthy and open, and most of all not diseased.

I put up with a depressed and self centered wife, unable to show or express emotion, and broken on the inside but after it was all over, all I had to do is think about how few times she held my hand or kissed my cheek at night and I knew being gone was right. I dated a feww girls after that and had a good one for a year or so.....then I saw it. I saw what was normal. I felt loved, I trusted. I woke up to her kissing my cheek when she came to bed and I knew how much crap I ate before. Don't eat crap......and don't dwell on how broken your ex was.....just be happy she is gone.

So well saidTomNy,could n't be said better.Stop trying to find the diamond inside,get out out before you end up being basket case yourself.I've just joined and will be adding my life history of 10 years with a Borderline in next fews days,at will first i will seek some answers on these pages and then hopefully offer some wisdom to new comers.

What Unforgivenone says.

Totally agree.

You are still wasting energy on something that has gone.

Whilst i understand the need to do so, so you may never find yourself in that position again, dont give it too much of your time.

Its over now and thats probably the best thing.

Sometimes its hard to see that we are wishing and wishing for things to be a certain way, and they just arent the way we want them to be.

You can wish and hope for a while, but over time, wishing and never getting gets a bit tiring. Instead spend your time on you, and going out and

actually getting what you know you deserve. Its out there.

She sounds eactly like a ex-friend of mine who was Bi Polar. Another friend of mine is a Psychaitrist and we have discussed various personalities at length.People with mental illnesses can stay functioning for long periods of time and something triggers something and suddenly getting to work is very difficult. It could also just be a personality disorder in which case there is little you can or a Doctor can do to help.