"Sorry, I'm a boring person"

I have heard this sentence from about three different people over AIM this past week and it's driving me nuts. Right after that sentence is said, the conversation turns dull or 10 minutes later the person has to go somewhere and sign off. What does this mean? Are they being shy? Nervous? Or is it just a polite way of them saying "Sorry, but you're a boring person and I don't want to talk with you"?

I always ask people questions and try to bring up funny and interesting stories. However, the people I chat with don't seem to do any of that and it makes it really hard for me to break the ice. I have never even heard anyone say "Sorry, I'm boring" or "I'm not very interesting, sorry" before and the fact that I hear it constantly now is making me a bit worried. In this past month I've been messaging girls a lot more often as well, but I haven't advanced to talking over the phone with anyone. The conversations just don't go too well for that. That, combined with this, is very discouraging.

Any help, suggestions, or similar experiences?

Sounds like the questions you're asking or things you are saying are making them feel uncomfortable or not sure what to say so they just say they're boring. You should worry less about trying to 'break the ice' and just chill out a bit more.

Hmm. Maybe you're asking too many questions - people don't like being put on the spot, or perhaps they don't want to reveal too much about themselves at the beginning.

Or, maybe you're trying to present yourself in the best light, talking about all the things you do. Maybe those you're talking to don't lead such a busy, full life and you're unintentionally making them feel inadequate.

Don't try so hard.

Hey, it's AIM after all.

I tend to not talk much on msn etc but in real life, I hardly shut up xD don't take it so personal.

Oh, plus, if some girl kept asking you questions, you would get annoyed wouldn't you? I know I would.

Well Generic User Name (like your name btw!),

I would tell someone i am a boring and uniteresting person if i really meant it. And, sometimes i feel that i am.

This all comes down to the hype and expectations that are created by social networking sites or facilities such as Myspace, AIM and whatever else is out there (enlighten me, i don't have a clue). Sometimes, people feel there is a pressure to conform and appear all 'shiny and happy', when in actual fact, that may not be really who they are.

I don't know... i really feel like people are waking up to these synthetic forms of communication and are craving more real forms of communciation.

But, i think, in short, if they say they are boring etc., they may feel that they cannot live up to your expectations... maybe they want less of the funny stories and more serious stuff...? Who knows.

Just throwing it out there

Sounds like the questions you're asking or things you are saying are making them feel uncomfortable or not sure what to say so they just say they're boring. You should worry less about trying to 'break the ice' and just chill out a bit more.

Well, all I do is just casually ask about things I have read on their profile, hoping to start a conversation off of that. I don't think I could make anyone feel uncomfortable with that. In fact, I'm rather chill throughout a conversation and just go with the flow.

But true, I do need to chill out a bit more. One major aspect that always makes me nervous in a first conversation is that I know that I will not be anywhere close to being very funny in the first 20 minutes or so. I need to feel out one's humor sense first, before I can get comfortable. And since people always seem to comment on how "hilarious" my profile is, maybe that's the problem? They think I'm not that interesting after all?

Hmm. Maybe you're asking too many questions - people don't like being put on the spot, or perhaps they don't want to reveal too much about themselves at the beginning.

 

Or, maybe you're trying to present yourself in the best light, talking about all the things you do. Maybe those you're talking to don't lead such a busy, full life and you're unintentionally making them feel inadequate.

 

Don't try so hard.

Hmm, that could be a possibility. But then like I have said in my previous post, I just ask casual questions and I'm not being nosy with them or anything like that. Just trying to find something to have a nice conversation about.

As far as for trying to present myself in the best light, well, isn't that what I'm supposed to do? It's a first impression. People on dating sites seem to be more judgemental on avarage as well, since there are so many other people that one can choose to talk with. Not to mention, I'm very passionate about my hobbies and accomplishments, so I don't know. Should I just be short and general with my responses or something like that?

Hey, it's AIM after all.

 

I tend to not talk much on msn etc but in real life, I hardly shut up xD don't take it so personal.

 

Oh, plus, if some girl kept asking you questions, you would get annoyed wouldn't you? I know I would.

Hah, true! I do have some friends who are the same way as well. Very interesting and talkative in person, very quiet over the internet. But then, unfortunately, I cannot tell if someone is interested me at all if they're being quiet over AIM, especially if I have never met them in real life or talked with them over the phone, ya know?

Haha, yes, I guess I would be annoyed too if a girl kept asking me questions constantly. Well, depending on what kind of questions she is asking, that is! There was this one girl who used to talk to me a while ago and she really annoyed me with constantly asking me useless questions like "How many pillows do you sleep with at night?" and "What's your favorite color and number?". But I can confidently say I don't ask that type of stuff.

Well Generic User Name (like your name btw!),

 

I would tell someone i am a boring and uniteresting person if i really meant it. And, sometimes i feel that i am.

 

This all comes down to the hype and expectations that are created by social networking sites or facilities such as Myspace, AIM and whatever else is out there (enlighten me, i don't have a clue). Sometimes, people feel there is a pressure to conform and appear all 'shiny and happy', when in actual fact, that may not be really who they are.

 

I don't know... i really feel like people are waking up to these synthetic forms of communication and are craving more real forms of communciation.

 

But, i think, in short, if they say they are boring etc., they may feel that they cannot live up to your expectations... maybe they want less of the funny stories and more serious stuff...? Who knows.

 

Just throwing it out there

 

Thank you, mgirl!

 

So what could someone tell you after you tell them that you find yourself boring? In these previous cases I have personally just said, "Oh pfft, get outta here, you're not boring!", but I feel like maybe that didn't help much.

 

Yes, I know what you mean about people trying to appear all happy, successful, and whatnot. It's almost like a contest on social networking sites to see who can appear the coolest. But then, to be honest, I do it myself as well to an extent. I mean, I will obviously not make up lies about my accomplishments or anything, but I sure would not tell the whole world about my negative qualities and experiences either.

 

As far as not living up to my expectations. Well, I just want a girl to be sweet, able to make me laugh, honest, and laid back. Besides that, I absolutely have no other expectations. If a girl is living a boring, monotone life, that's okay! I will gladly chat about whatever she wants to, let that be anything from pancakes to the meaning of life. Unfortunately, the girls I talk with don't really seem to catch up on that.

You know online chatting is an art.. it's difficult to master, some of my closest friends are difficult to talk to online, yet in person, they're my best friends!

Also some people don't like LONG online chats... have you tried emails instead? Online chatting usually for me leads to not too much depth of information, it's usually quick and flirty... and sometimes, yes a little boring.. People are flippant and not all that deep in chat...

My suggestions:

1. Be humorous and a little flirty (by flirty for me, I mean cutesy, joking around, teasing.. nothing sleazy).

2. Maybe be a bit quicker with expressing that you want their number / to maybe meet up sometime... Not too pushy, but just indicate, you would be interested & see what they say - some people are worried that too much online communication, means the person just wants an email penpal / online chat relationship...

3. Try emails as a way of communicating more? Again see what the other person is like with your first few emails - the emails should be medium - not too short, not too long, intros and ask a few questions about the other person and give info about you too - it should be sorta equal info abt you and questions abt them .. and see how the other person responds? Long email replies, means a girl who likes emailing, and will be happy to get to know you over the net.. short responses means a) not sure, b) would prefer chatting on the phone / in person...

I personally like emails with guys, so I can get to know them more.. online chatting only works for some - if they are just a "yes" or "cool", or "okay" (responses) person, I find it boring and challenging even with my friends!

Good luck, you have to kiss a lot of frogs (not literally, thank goodness) before you meet anyone half interesting! Don't be disheartened!

Hope that helps somewhat 1

Ammy

Some people just aren't very good at talking on instant messages, period. I know this to be true with real life friends. I have two friends I met through education and knew them in real life first, great people to chat to, but hopeless online. Some people just don't know how to do it.

Maybe I'm odd but I don't personally mind if a guy is funny or not. I prefer having just a nice conversation and finding things in common rather than a guy who's trying to make me laugh every few minutes. If someone tries to be overly humorous I might even be put off it because I'd feel like he was trying too hard, or was just too jokey/silly. Maybe she is like me and has a slightly more serious personality. That's not to say we don't laugh or joke, but we're not motivated immensely to be that way.

Its really hard to keep an AIM conversation going in my opinion, in real life there are many more dimensions in a conversation.

Personally, I think the best way to create conversation with another is to start your own topic, then they can possibly relate to it and there you go... And just keep jumping from topic to topic once the opportunity arises

And for the "I'm boring, sorry" part... can actually mean many different things. In my opinion, it means that they either have nothing to say about it, or they're just saying it just because they have no response, or you may be prauding. It could also mean that they think of themselves as boring, but its unlikely.

Anyways, my suggestion is a real life conversation, AIM conversations usually don't last very long, and people are often doing other things on the computer, rather than chatting.

Don't get discouraged! And good luck

If you are IMing random strangers I could see where they might be uncomfortable answering your questions. Why not try an on line dating site, instead?

Ammy, thank you so much for all of those suggestions! I have never thought of having a conversation over through e-mails before, actually. If I happen to message a girl I usually just comment on something I have read on their profile, ask a question, then at the end ask for their screen name. The way I see it, e-mails can get very drawn out. One asks a question, waits half-a-day to get a response, and repeat. While chatting on AIM, I could have that same conversation in under 15 minutes.

Honestly, I'm actually kind of afraid of flirting with girls and asking for their phone number. Mostly because I never know if a girl is chatting with me because they're actually interested in me on a dating level or if they're just messaging me because I have a funny, humorous profile and they happen to be bored (Which by the way, annoys the heck out of me). How could I tell their intention?

I really dislike it when people respond in one words, such as "Cool" and "Okay", like you have said. I personally only do that when I don't want to talk with the person at all, so if a girl does that to me, I just take it as they're not interested and I leave them alone right there.

Maybe I'm odd but I don't personally mind if a guy is funny or not. I prefer having just a nice conversation and finding things in common rather than a guy who's trying to make me laugh every few minutes. If someone tries to be overly humorous I might even be put off it because I'd feel like he was trying too hard, or was just too jokey/silly. Maybe she is like me and has a slightly more serious personality. That's not to say we don't laugh or joke, but we're not motivated immensely to be that way.

I always feel like I have to be humorous when talking with new people or they just get bored of me. With my best friends I usually have nice and intelligent conversations, but with others I cannot seem to do that. I tried being a bit more serious with this one girl a few days ago, but she just mostly replied to everything with "Yeah", "Mhm", or with nothing at all. But then when I said something incredibly silly or wacky, she was really into it and then was chatting up a storm. Nevertheless, I'm not interested in talking with her anymore. But this happened plenty of times before, so I don't know.

Its really hard to keep an AIM conversation going in my opinion, in real life there are many more dimensions in a conversation.

 

Personally, I think the best way to create conversation with another is to start your own topic, then they can possibly relate to it and there you go... And just keep jumping from topic to topic once the opportunity arises

 

And for the "I'm boring, sorry" part... can actually mean many different things. In my opinion, it means that they either have nothing to say about it, or they're just saying it just because they have no response, or you may be prauding. It could also mean that they think of themselves as boring, but its unlikely.

 

Anyways, my suggestion is a real life conversation, AIM conversations usually don't last very long, and people are often doing other things on the computer, rather than chatting.

 

Don't get discouraged! And good luck

That is true, there is definitely a lot more to talk about in person.

I cannot seem to be able to bring up a topic and just talk about it when I message someone new. I have no problems with doing that once I get to know a person, but until then it feels a bit awkward for me. I also tend to keep my opinions and thoughts on the short side at first, because I don't know if the girl is actually interested in them or not. Honestly, I have no clue know how to overcome this.

Yes, I felt like it was rather unlikely as well that they thought of themselves as being boring, especially since of the girls had something along the lines of "Oh and I'm pretty cool." on her profile, haha.

Thanks!

Ah, by the way, great avatar! Tetris Attack is one of the most fun puzzle games ever made.

If you are IMing random strangers I could see where they might be uncomfortable answering your questions. Why not try an on line dating site, instead?

I have never IMed a random stranger before, actually. All the girls I talk with are on either MySpace or on dating sites.