not paying for first date

What do you do when a guy does not pay for the first date? We met on match and he asked me out and we met of a coffee, and yeah coffee is like $3.00 and I have enough money so the cost is not the problem. The problem is that all my dates have always payed for the first date, no matter where it was. Should I forget about it and see him again or forget about him?

Lol. He didn't pony up for a $3.00 cup of coffee? For first dates, especially from online sites, the guy usually wants to make as good an impression as possible. Maybe he wanted to make you feel "empowered"?!?

I don't think that should be the sole measure for a second date, but if the rest of the date or him were ehh so-so, I'm sure there are better catches out there.

don't pass an entire judgement on him because of one date. Test it out again. let me tell you something. A LOT of men are almost afraid to pay because of women who take it personally when people pay for them. He might have been afraid because he didn't want you to think he was overdoing it, doing too much or whatever. The way the world works today it is the opposite, it's too hard to be a gentlemen.

Well there were a few "silent moments" but that never happened before with any other guys. I get the feeling that the only reason we talked a lot was because I was telling him a lot of things about me and the funny stories and experiences. He asked things of course, but I don't think we'd have talked as much or laughed as much had I not talked about all that.

But he DID say that he likes to be friends with a girl first.

Does it really bother you? It seems like a silly reason not to have another date to me. But if you really feel like a guy you want to date should feel like he needs to pay for your stuff then maybe this is the wrong guy.

don't pass an entire judgement on him because of one date. Test it out again. let me tell you something. A LOT of men are almost afraid to pay because of women who take it personally when people pay for them. He might have been afraid because he didn't want you to think he was overdoing it, doing too much or whatever. The way the world works today it is the opposite, it's too hard to be a gentlemen.

Man, * * * * that! If I take a girl out for the first time, I'm paying. Period. I'm going to hold the door open for her too. If a girl is so "independent" that she doesn't appreciate my manners, or takes my etiquette as being too old-fashioned, needy, or chauvinistic, we don't need to be together.

Does it really bother you? It seems like a silly reason not to have another date to me. But if you really feel like a guy you want to date should feel like he needs to pay for your stuff then maybe this is the wrong guy.

LOL don't get me wrong. When in a relationship, or even after a few dates, I try to be 50/50 as much as possible... but the fact that guy should always pay for the first date has always been drilled into my head (and many other girls too). And because all my other dates payed, didn't help the fact.

I think that he should pay. I'd talk to him about it and let him know I didn't like it. If he has a problem with it, then aw well.

I think that he should pay. I'd talk to him about it and let him know I didn't like it. If he has a problem with it, then aw well.

LOL I think it's too early to be expressing what bothers me.

I think that he should pay. I'd talk to him about it and let him know I didn't like it. If he has a problem with it, then aw well.

I don't think this is something she has to bring up specifically. They're not in a relationship. IMO, bringing it up as an issue makes it look like she's spoiled or something, and has expectations.

he is cheap and missed his chance to make a first impression

Wow I didn't realize that paying for a date old fashioned thoughts where still out there. To be honest A first date is when I feel like it needs to be 50/50 the most. Why should a guy that I don’t really even know yet have to pay for me? It seems like a strange start to me.

Wow I didn't realize that paying for a date old fashioned thoughts where still out there. To be honest A first date is when I feel like it needs to be 50/50 the most. Why should a guy that I don’t really even know yet have to pay for me? It seems like a strange start to me.

It's just polite, IMO. Plus, it can be hard enough to find a quality SO, so why not use all your tricks?

A guy normally would only do that if 1) he's cheap or 2) he isn't sure there will be a second date.

Did he ask you out again?

I always offer to pay half but to be honest i am leary of guys who accept it on the first date. I am still old fashioned in that regard. And it isn't about the money, I have plenty of my own. It's principle and I am not going to debate it with those who disagree. It's just something that I feel strongly about - I use it as a gauge and if the man is too cheap to pay that first date then he is likely going to be too cheap for me as I am a very generous person and like a man who is the same.

The problem is that all my dates have always payed for the first date, no matter where it was. Should I forget about it and see him again or forget about him?

He could be cheap, into equality among men and women or just a bit nervous.

Try something unusual. Next time you see him (if you do) then just ask him in a light tone like: "I noticed that you... which I am not used to. I was wondering if there was any reason?".

It's just polite, IMO. Plus, it can be hard enough to find a quality SO, so why not use all your tricks?

because your not trying to trick people into being in a relationship with you.

I don't have any problem with a guy paying I just find it odd and a little off putting that so many people seem to think it's a requirement.

Wow I didn't realize that paying for a date old fashioned thoughts where still out there. To be honest A first date is when I feel like it needs to be 50/50 the most. Why should a guy that I don’t really even know yet have to pay for me? It seems like a strange start to me.

if you want some play you gots to pay.......IMO

Well, the theory that a man should pay can go all the way from a cup of coffee to this:

link removed

The amount is different but the thinking is exactly the same.

A guy normally would only do that if 1) he's cheap or 2) he isn't sure there will be a second date.

 

Did he ask you out again?

 

I always offer to pay half but to be honest i am leary of guys who accept it on the first date. I am still old fashioned in that regard.

He did, yeah

because your not trying to trick people into being in a relationship with you.

 

I don't have any problem with a guy paying I just find it odd and a little off putting that so many people seem to think it's a requirement.

I didn't mean trick in that sense of the word.

A lot of people still think of that as the way to go, myself included. I have always offered to pay for any date I've been on. Then it's up to the girl to accept or refuse. It's not a requirement, but just simple courtesy.

I wouldn't be so upset about it. I didn't really like when my past dates paid for my half...because then I thought I owed them something. I'd always offer to pay for my own. It's funny how women want equality, yet we still expect men to pay for our things...heh.

buying on the first date has nothing to do with quality charachter imo.

my ex bought me alot of things and always paid when we went out to eat even in our first dates and such.. he ended up being extremely controlling and mentally abusive.. as well as a slight dabble in the physical...

I agree with this. A lot of men use money and gifts to cover up a lot of fatal flaws in their lives. It's like they think it will either buy them love or make the girls forgive them.

I don't think that suddenly he exposed a rotten or non-quality character by not paying for a $3 cup of coffee. But, just the fact that the OP was somewhat surprised and put out by it shows that it's still part of the whole dating ritual, whether it's outdated or not.

I wouldn't be so upset about it. I didn't really like when my past dates paid for my half...because then I thought I owed them something. I'd always offer to pay for my own. It's funny how women want equality, yet we still expect men to pay for our things...heh.

I know

Can't help it. I was brought up this way

But it's true, I did feel guilty about not going out with someone again because they payed for my coffee.

I would think - CHEAP BASTARD!

Cheap and stingy with a $3 cup of coffee = stingy and cheap with his affection toward you.

Watch out, you're not "the one" in his eyes. Maybe "the one for now"?