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Thread: Can't find closure with ending a relationship

  1. #1
    Bronze Member ♂(~Radίaηce~)♀'s Avatar
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    Can't find closure with ending a relationship

    My boyfriend, x-bf of 8 months...moved back home to his country a month ago. His decision to go back was mainly influenced by me so that he can have more oportunities for a better future. He overstayed his visit like many tourists, and under many circumstances living the "American Dream" just doesn't work when you surpass your stay. He became homesick after his brother moved back and he was the only person left working hard, supporting himself, with no immediate family in this country. At his loneliest point--he met me. I understood his situation better than anyone, and wanted him to understand that i didn't want to be the "girl" that holds him back in life. I never wanted to feel at fault for him not succeeding in life just because i am comfortable with him, and want him to stay.

    So i made it a point for him to understand how important school was, and that the government in his country would be able to help him since he is a citizen of that country. After months of me slowly guiding him towards a hard, yet positive reality, he made his decision to go back....and i let him. We parted our ways on good terms, but decided that a LDR was just not for us. I don't think he is the "one," but he is someone that is important to me, and shared 8 months of my life with him. I've never missed anyone (other than family) before, and i just can't help feeling that it's NOT over. Our relationship never went sour. It was just flowing, naturally. Our last weekend together was so sweet, and close to perfect. How can it be over if it didn't really end?

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    Silver Member CandyKins's Avatar
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    What does your heart tell you?

    It's either you want him back or you don't. And you gotta choose which one, otherwise you're being selfish (not feeling-wise). But having said that... I think it would be a good idea if you both are friends, because it seems like he needs you and you need him. You have to think of the future though. How will it be if he has a girlfriend? You're going to have to accept that if you don't want to be together. And most of all... how would you feel?

    About the LDR. Only go for the LDR if the relationship is strong enough, otherwise it just won't work.

    But follow your heart...
    Last edited by CandyKins; 03-17-2008 at 04:51 AM.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member ♂(~Radίaηce~)♀'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CandyKins
    What does your heart tell you?

    It's either you want him back or you don't. And you gotta choose which one, otherwise you're being selfish

    I don't understand what you mean by ME being selfish. Of course i want to be with him, but i already let him go. To live. To have an appetite for life. To have a better education. To be a better son, brother, man. He's five years older than me and i felt that we were mentally the same age, if i---not older. I am not expecting him to wait for me, nor does he expect that from me. This is a reality check. My idea actually. I completely understand the risk of letting someone go. There is a possibility that he will meet someone new, but that could also be true for me. I'm ok with the decisions we made together.

    I just miss him. Very much. Especially before i close my eyes at night, and awake in the morning. I don't have time in the morning to think about it because i am trying to ge to work, and during the day i am army strong, but after work during the hours when i should be relaxing--he's not relaxing with me and i waist my time watching television instead of doing my laundry. *sigh* I suppose i should be thankful that we didn't end our relationship in blood, but i feel like he took an important part of my heart just to have a piece of me since we can't be together. I know things will be easier in time, but it's still so hard for me to realize that this relationship cannot be what it used to be, because i can't find closure from that last kiss goodbye.


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