Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Getting rid of insecurities and trust issues...

  1. #1
    donescobar2000
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    I dunno
    Age
    36
    Posts
    238
    Gender
    Male

    Getting rid of insecurities and trust issues...

    How do I get rid of insecurites? I feel I will be the end of my relationship if I do not rid them. For the last two weeks I have been paranoid at every phone ring or text my girl gets. It is to the point I have approached her about it and she continually says its her friends. I don't know how to get rid of my paranoid state and I need help. Mind you at the same time...she is with me everyday...I don't get it...sigh.

    This morning I woke up to turn my phone alarm off and there her phone was with a text message from a guy...so I woke her up and asked if she could promise me she would never hurt me...she did...then I told her why I asked her. I told her when I turned my phone off...I glanced at her phone a message was there...so she says she didn't know a David when she grabbed the phone it was someone she knew texting about a party event...I felt so dumb...help me please...I think I want therapy because of all this...I think my past relationships have scared me.

  2. #2
    honeyspur
    Gold Member honeyspur's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Michigan
    Age
    44
    Posts
    706
    Gender
    Female
    You sound very aware of your issue.

    I think that if you become more involved with your girl's friends, you will feel more at ease. Try taking a leadership stance and construct some kind of casual get together.
    It is possible to "drive" someone to cheating by constantly *bringing it up". The innocent person begins thinking about it constantly as well and can become "conditioned".

    Being too focused on supposed infedelity also says you are not committed to the relationship. This lack of security can break an otherwise strong foundation. A partner can feel as though you are not really in the relationship - but somewhere else altogether. They can begin to judge you as a selfish person - only interested in your own neurosis.

    I bet your girl has issues of her own and she could be doing other things to make you feel secure, so please do not shoulder ALL the responsibility. But since we all improve at our own pace, it is best to focus on ourselves, giving your girl the example she needs to do so herself and the empowerment you need in order to believe in yourself, the power of your love and the understanding that all things can be changed.

    I do recommend therapy. I always recommend, non-medicative, one on one discussion therapy - so look for a psychologist or counselor - not a psychiatrist.
    Think about starting your own self-journey journal on here in the journal section and start taking an active role in your recovery. Because that's what's going on here. You are still recovering from past trauma.
    Good luck and thank you for posting.

  3. #3
    donescobar2000
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    I dunno
    Age
    36
    Posts
    238
    Gender
    Male
    The get together idea looks like a great idea...I did ask her the other day if she had a problem with me ever meeting her friends (male). With no hesitation she said no. So I felt a lot of stress come off of my shoulders...but I do not get what the issue with me is. Its like I believe her...but at the same time I don't. She is such a great women and I do not get what my problem is.

    I feel she has been trying to make me feel secure...when the phone rang latley she would be like "oh its_____." I would not even have to ask. I was fine with that...no worries. I guess the time the text came got me worried...it came at 12:30 or in the a.m.

    After this happened today...I apologized to her and promised I would never question her again about the phone. I just want to trust her...thats all.

    As for the empowerment...I told my girl to give me reassurance...I am the more affectionate of the two...and she has not dealt with someone as affectionate as me....so I guess she is hold back a little too.
    Last edited by donescobar2000; 03-01-2008 at 01:21 PM.

  4. #4
    Lsdaddy
    Member Lsdaddy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Age
    42
    Posts
    78
    Gender
    Male
    I can relate to what you are going through. My girlfriend has a ton of friends (girls and guys) and gets texts and calls constantly. I am still uncomfortable about some of it but am getting better. Let me definitely recommend therapy. I started about a month and a half ago after I blew up at her regarding this issue. I promised to get help and it has helped us out quite a bit. I trust her more now but still have my moments. It takes time...

    Get help, have her be actively involved and make sure that you are honest with each other...those like us can get past this and have healthy relationships in the future, we just need to get out of our own way. Good luck.

Top Threads
Its decision time. Help Please
Hi all just looking for a bit of input. Hope Ive got this in the right place. Ive been with a girl for about 5 months. We get along really well
I don't trust him
I have been with my boyfriend about 12 months now but there are some real issues. Everything was going great until I found some messages on his
Regaining trust
In the past Iíve lied to my bf abt something that happened long before he came along. The situation had no effect on me and didnít think nothing of
How can I trust him after he lied?
So, my boyfriend and I (both in our mid-twenties) have been dating for about a year. Six months before he met me, he broke up with his ex. They were
Falling out,i need objective oppinion
So we've been in a relationship for a year,i understand not everything goes smothly but when you have the feeling that its not doing so great in the
Months after break up I found that my ex had already cheated on me long ago, now I have trust issues
On the 13th of April this year (2017) by relationship with my girlfriend came to an end. She told me that she was straight, and this was during a
Iím having trust issues....
So i been dating this boy for a year & two months now. I donít trust him, the reason is because in February of this year on the 12th he liked his

Featured Threads
Red Flag if the guy on first date does not pay for my food?
A guys asked me out to a dinner and picked the restaurant. Toward the end, when the waiter came to drop off the bill, the waiter leaned toward the
narcissistic ex - help/ how to get back at him
So this is a post about a narcisisstic, immature ex. Not an ex boyfriend, not an ex boy, but something in between. It was something in between
University freshers fling?
[B]Hey there! [/B] Thank you so much for reading this. I just [I]REALLY [/I]need advice as it's SERIOUSLY affecting MY LIFE
Should you call out your ex when you find out they've been cheating on you?
Just some thoughts guys. Have you been cheated on? What did you do? Did you call your ex out on the lies and deceit? Or go on with your lives?
Ex is being so angry and hateful
I was in kind of relationship for almost 6-7 months but unexpectedly we broke up. He dumped. Just on a fight. Just day after our breakup. I went back
How to avoid checking up on ex social media?
Hi friends, Iím finding that posting here and seeing so many of us in the same boat is proving rather helpful in my own journey to move on. That
Break-up
Hi, I've recently just been broken up with by my girlfriend of two years, she has stated it wasn't all my fault and she is part to blame, but would
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •