barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Now, aside from my mess. Let me ask you all this question. Would it be OKAY with you, if your partner was "running" with another boy/girl? Lets not say it's a girl your SO cheated on you with. Someone he claims is a 'friend' Why or why not? Explain. Answer aside from my problem, how that would make you feel. Is that appropriate in a relationship? Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 if it was someone they cheated on while with me....UNACCEPTABLE Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 no, no. he never cheated on me with her. so aside from that .. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 no, no. he never cheated on me with her. so aside from that .. then the problem is he is hiding the fact he is running with her...still pooor form Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Barbie... Are you asking if it would be okay with my if my partner went out jogging with a member of the opposit sex? Answer = NO WAY. Why? Because that's how "affairs" start...they start "innocently" enough. There are enough people of the "same sex" they can jog with. Is this "just a question" or is your BF jogging with a chick?????? If he is, in my book, that is not acceptable, and you should definitely have a discussion with him. ~Allie Link to comment
Aleadragonhawk Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 It depends on how he treated the matter. If he was open to me about it and introduced us, I'd probably be fine with it - but if he felt the need to hide it or gloss over that she was there, I'd be very suspicious and uncomfortable with the situation. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Wouldn't matter to me if he had sex with her or not. It's cheating in my book. Link to comment
PixelPusher Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 I probably wouldn't have a problem with it but I'd like to meet the person. This is such a subjective question, though... it all comes down to each persons' character and whether or not they've ever given you any reason to distrust them. If your relationship is stable and loving, it doesn't matter. The whole "this is how affairs happen" isn't because of this situation, it's because something is flawed in YOUR relationship. I 100% trust my girlfriend and if she had a running buddy... or in her case, a tennis partner that was male... it wouldn't bother me at all. Though I have to admit that a male partner would be under a microscope more than a female partner would be. I'd make sure to let my g/f know that ANY weird behavior would be suspect. Link to comment
judyness Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 I agree with allie.. affairs do start out very innocently. Oh its just a friend.. then it turns into oh its just a friend i go out to dinner with, then it'll be its just a friend i slept with. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 then the problem is he is hiding the fact he is running with her...still pooor form consider that he is hiding it because he doesnt want to upset her when there is nothing going on... that makes sense. i mean if you knew you were going to get yelled and 'complained' at for something that didnt really matter, would you say anything?? i wouldnt. personally its jogging. Jogging is a hobby. i wouldnt crucify anyone for happening to share the same hobby with potentially the opposite sex. I think that is just a poor move and an insecure thing to do to someone who wants to persue it. I think you are wrong to be worried and you shouldnt have asked him NOT to jog just because women would be present. Thats just like telling someone they cant go to the mall because peanuts are going to be there.. it doesnt mean he is going to eat the peanuts.. calm down. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 depends on the circumstances. If it's a group of people running together, then it's OK. if it's a female and both you and he are friends with her (a joint friend), then it's OK. if it's someone he is really flirty with then no. or someone you know is interested in him and trying to attract him, then no. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 I went to a concert with a single friend and another friends wife, at her request and husbands approval....very innocent at the time.......she flashed me after i dropped her off at her car and 1 month later we were having an affair........nip it in the bud Link to comment
EQD Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 ..so.. as for me.. i would let it go. i dont know how it is there in your town but here we have jogging teams. they meet up and all go together. now if it was a one on one thing.. that... maybe wouldnt work for me. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Now, aside from my mess. Let me ask you all this question. Would it be OKAY with you, if your partner was "running" with another boy/girl? Lets not say it's a girl your SO cheated on you with. Someone he claims is a 'friend' Why or why not? Explain. Answer aside from my problem, how that would make you feel. Is that appropriate in a relationship? I would have no problem with my fiance running with a female friend. Just as I expect he would not care if I went running with a male friend. If he had cheated on me we would no longer be together so that would not be an issue. I couldn't be with someone I had to police, follow, snoop on, and check out constantly. I don't need or want that kind of nonsense in my life- there is no place for it. I trust him because we have been honest with each other, are respectful to one another, and we don't try to control one another. I have no reason not to trust him because he is honest, open and his actions are consistent with his words, and he's never given me reason not to trust him. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Barbie... Are you asking if it would be okay with my if my partner went out jogging with a member of the opposit sex? Answer = NO WAY. Why? Because that's how "affairs" start...they start "innocently" enough. There are enough people of the "same sex" they can jog with. Is this "just a question" or is your BF jogging with a chick?????? If he is, in my book, that is not acceptable, and you should definitely have a discussion with him. ~Allie This opens the question can a man and a woman be just friends? I have found that when one partner tries to control the other in a relationship and to decide who they can and can't spend time with, that relationship has a very small chance of surviving. Who wants to date their mother/father? It also begs the question, if you can't trust your partner, why are you with them? Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Barbie, you expressed you did not want him to do this, and whereas I think its really nasty and ridiculous that he's done it behind your back, he may have done it to avoid upsetting you or causing unnecessary confrontation and moaning if you will. My boyfriend confessed to me recently there are things he does'nt tell me about girls because of my insecurity and that he knows how I will react, he's right. But then my boyfriend has not cheated on me, and I assume that yours did? Really horrible move on his part, disrespectful and plain insulting if he has cheated before. He should have more consideration ands you need to pull him up on it. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 It could also be a culture thing. This is considered an insult to a marriage where I am from. To be out and about with one man is something a married woman just doesn't do, out of respect for her family. When casually dating someone that would be considered fine, but once married...not a chance. Just our thing around these woods, considered silly by some I'm sure. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 This opens the question can a man and a woman be just friends? I have found that when one partner tries to control the other in a relationship and to decide who they can and can't spend time with, that relationship has a very small chance of surviving. Who wants to date their mother/father? It also begs the question, if you can't trust your partner, why are you with them? Hope, I am not the right person to ask this question to... I can't take an objective view at this time...I am coming out of a marriage where my husband cheated on me with so many woman that he lost track. And one of them was with a woman he claimed was "just a friend." So, I am a bit jaded on this. Or, maybe it will be forever my opinion. Also, did you see Barbie's other thread? This looks like "more than innocent jogging here...." Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 It could also be a culture thing. This is considered an insult to a marriage where I am from. To be out and about with one man is something a married woman just doesn't do, out of respect for her family. When casually dating someone that would be considered fine, but once married...not a chance. Just our thing around these woods, considered silly by some I'm sure. Perhaps it is a cultural thing? I am not casually dating my fiance, we have lived together for 5.5 years and are getting married this year. Perhaps I am an exception to the rule, but I just don't see the point in trying to control someone or tell them who they can spend time with. If I felt I had to tell my fiance who to spend time with, that would mean I don't trust him, and I wounldn't be with him in that case. My guy has some female friends and I am OK with that. Thinking about it, most of them are married or in committed relationships themselves. Maybe it's our age, our experience, maybe it's being comfortable in ourselves and with ourselves and each other, maybe it's because at this point in our lives most of us are married or seriously involved with someone. Yes, Allie, I did see Barbie's other thread and I posted on it. I agree that this is not an isolated incident for Barbie and I think this is much more to do with 'jogging'. Her boyfriend has cheated on her and has lied to her and is dishonest and disrespectful towards her and she is insecure and controlling of him- the relationship is completely dysfunctional and she has no reason to trust him or be with him at this point. But she wasn't asking about her specific situation in this thread- she was asking if as a general rule would I be OK with my fiance running with another woman. And I wouldn't care- because my situation is very different than Barbie's in that I trust my fiance because he has proven to me with consistent words and actions over the last 5 years that he is trustworthy, and that he loves and respects me and I am the only woman in his life intimately. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Luckily neither of us want to do that. We don't desire to at all, so it works. I guess if that is important to someone then there would be a problem. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 okay i just hit up your past thread... "and it's not like i think he is only doing track so that he can cheat on me, i just don't want him around all those stinking girls ... girls ... girls. that's opportunity. they go out out of town trips .... all together ... overnight trips and i don't like that AT ALL." "the real reason i don't want him running track is because i have this sick feeling that the 'girl from all my past threads' is running also. and that thought makes me ILL. it makes me absolutely ill. im not insecure with just 'any girl.' it's HER . .. it's HER! now, i don't know that she is on the team, but she's been on the team before ... so there is NO DOUBT in my mind that she is now." barbie.. in one single post.. you went from, i have a feeling, i am not sure.. to.. I KNOW FOR A FACT. that is pretty darn unstable for one post. you have major trust issues because of your past, this guy isnt helping out in that department regardless if he is guilty or innocent of what you feel.. and yet you two want to get married?! thats probably going to be a very very bad decision. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 i have to agree with this poster Link to comment
Myk_ Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Wouldn't matter to me if he had sex with her or not. It's cheating in my book. What is, going jogging with another female? Wow. You can't be the only woman in your partners life, but you can be the only woman he loves. I think again, this all just boils down to trust. If you think that your boyfriend will forget everything about you two, and end up with another woman by doing something as simple as going jogging together, then he is either a complete and utter rat, or you have trust issues. I think at the end of the day, its down to you to decide if you trust him or not. Link to comment
glegend Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Cheating is cheating its unacceptable there is no excuse for it. I'd be facking pissed off, I'd be fuming mad. Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Now, aside from my mess. Let me ask you all this question. Would it be OKAY with you, if your partner was "running" with another boy/girl? Lets not say it's a girl your SO cheated on you with. Someone he claims is a 'friend' Why or why not? Explain. Answer aside from my problem, how that would make you feel. Is that appropriate in a relationship? I take back what I said on your previous thread. You are NOT overreacting to THIS situation. I would NEVER EVER be ok with my boyfriend spending time with another woman and keeping it from me. EVER. Its NOT okay, its NEVER ok. You deserve better. I know its hard to leave someone you love, even when they've hurt you, but YOU DESERVE BETTER. He's NOT good enough for you. And quite frankly, you're waaaaay too pretty for him. You seem waaaay out of his league. Link to comment
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