he's lying to me...again guys

i thought things were good. but i just found out that he was lying to me.

it all started with this morning. i got on our computer to check my bank account. so as im typing in the website, the drop down falls and it says link removed. hmm, that's weird. we don't have myspaces anymore.

so out of my curiosity i go to myspace and put in his email. i knew there would be one because he couldn't delete it because he couldn't remember something about the email. so we reset the password he typed in a word and so did i and we didn't tell eachother the words we used. we also made his profile all weird before we did that. we put his display name as a period and we put some funky out of this world location. well, this was about september last year. SO ANYWAYS, i see his email there and it says his last login was 1/23/2008 and his display was set to his name and his location was indeed our location. and it also said he was single. there were no friends, no pictures or comments.

????????????????????? im so mad.

and this isn't it. i found out that he is lying about playing golf. our city has sports teams just like they would in high school. well, he initially wanted to run our cities track and field team. i didn't tell him no, but i told him that i would be uncomfortable with it because all of the females. so he said ok, that he would just do golf. well ... there has been little signs that he is running track and NOT playing golf.

1. he's been really concerned about fitness lately. he's working out/running and eating better. he never did this before.

2. he pulled out track shoes and claimed they were his brothers.

3. he said he had his first golf meet tomorrow and he told me where it would be.

so i went online to see what was going on. and SURE ENOUGH he's lying. there is a TRACK MEET TOMORROW where he said there was going to be a golf meet and there isn't a golf meet until march.

im sooooooo pissed off right now. i don't even know what to do. none of this makes sense. i don't know why he is lying to me about running? if he were just honest about it i wouldn't be upset. sure, i wouldn't like it. but we'd have less problems then we are going to have now that's for damn sure!!! and why the hell is he logging on myspace?

i don't know how to confront him about this. but you better believe that i will! and will do so as soon as i get home from work. im going to be calm and ask him if there is anything he is lying to me about. test him and see if he is honest. and if not ... ill pop out my proof.

omg god i am sooo mad i could scream. WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO ME?! just when he gets my trust back ... he does this?! i've been nothing but great to him .......... why someone please tell me why?!

it's hard to breathe. and once again, just like usual i find out all this crap while im at work and there is NOTHING that i can do. i've got 5 hours until i can BLOW.

What more do you think you will learn by questioning him, Barbie? You know enough already.

if you check out my post, myspace is the worst! Thats all there is to it!

Have you confronted him about all of this yet?

calm down. collect your thoughts. keep your job professional right now.

and yes, you need to talk this out. or is it even worth it? it seems monthly you have a post like this. lately, it seems to be weekly though. what is it going to take? you need to figure that out. when does the line get drawn?

I want to see if he's going to be honest with me Miss Firecracker.

I can feel the tears. They want to come out. I can't. I can't. I can't do this right now.

I am so tired of doing this with him. It breaks me down so much everytime he does this. Why I keep holding on I do not know.

What is so wrong with this running thing?

if you check out my post, myspace is the worst! Thats all there is to it!

 

Have you confronted him about all of this yet?

she has confronted this guy enough on other stuff. i'm sure all this is going to get turned around and barbie is going to feel like it's her fault again. this guy will escape it again as usual. he will be a sweetheart for 6/7 days and we will read about it. then something like this will happen again. the circle is complete once more.

I want to see if he's going to be honest with me.

solid tactic....

I would find it rather controlling if someone prohibited me from an athletic activity because there would be too many males there...heck I run and mountain bike and adventure race and there is a HUGE number of males. To be honest, I would consider you an obsessive & selfish in if you went off on me for running!

But anyway, I am not sure what you are looking to gain. You already know he lies to you. You don't trust him. You are insecure. He is just as bad at times....every week it is something else. Why do you keep trying to force him to be what he isn't? It's time to really decide if this is worth it. If I was you....it sure wouldn't be.

What is so wrong with this running thing?

like i said, i didn't tell him NO. i just said i wouldn't like it because of all the female runners.

It's what happens when you stay with someone you have learned you can't trust.

okay so i just saw when the myspace was made. . . and it was made while we were broken up. OKAY no problem. but he logged on while we were TOGETHER!

like i said, i didn't tell him NO. i just said i wouldn't like it because of all the female runners.

Why that bothers you so much?

They are just running there.

Why do you think he will cheat/trade you for some other girl while you're planning a wedding?

Telling you wouldn't like it is the same as saying no.

I admit I didn't see your earlier threads (I don't remember them...) but looking at this based only on this post ...sounds like you're insecure, but since I don't remember them, i am not sure do you have a reason for it.

I'll go to see your last threads.

Yep, I'm agreeing that he will make you feel guilty for snooping and it will all be your fault. As painful as it may be, a temporary seperation may be a good thing for him. He will have to find out what it would be like not to have a beautiful lady like you there for him. Trust me, he will not like it.

Last time she dumped him, he went to her workplace and stalked her. I think she had to have an escort to her car. Correct me if that is wrong, Barbie.

She tried showing him what it would be like without her, and he certainly didn't like it.

myspace = death of all relationships. lol i hate that website. my buddy is all over that thing. i told him no pics of me no mention of me nuthin. every time i go over there he shows me pics of people. girls he likes, our friends and their new pics. old gfs and their pics. i'm like bleck. like 'cool man...wow. thanks for wasting my eyes.'

The only thing that worries me Barbie is that fact that for one...

Your engaged (if im correct right?)

and 2, and this is most important..

Your pregnant (right?)

I think you need to use a bit of tact in this situation on confronting him. Its obvious that your trust is shaken again but now, more then ever this situation has escalated to more then just you and him.

There is a baby to think about now.

Please please dont do anything rash or let your emotions cloud your better judgement. Yes you found out he is lying again and yes it bothers you. Rather then it turn ugly try to see if you can get him to admit his lies to you, for the babys sake.

If it seems that he cannot be honest with you, then what will you do? The bottom line is now that your with child, he will have to be in your life forever. Now is the time to really make sure the future with or without him will be in the best interests of your unborn child.

In other words, make sure to do what you need to but also make sure that he is going to support his child to the best of his ability without turning his back on you or your baby.

Good luck in this, and stay strong!

Why that bothers you so much?

They are just running there.

Why do you think he will cheat/trade you for some other girl while you're planning a wedding?

Telling you wouldn't like it is the same as saying no.

 

I admit I didn't see your earlier threads (I don't remember them...) but looking at this based only on this post ...sounds like you're insecure, but since I don't remember them, i am not sure do you have a reason for it.

I'll go to see your last threads.

I agree, Barbie, I think you tend to overthink things and get really really worked up. Thus causing maybe some unnecessary arguments and there for maybe he feels he has to hide innocent things from you for fear you will freak out. Please don't get offended, just my opinion.

Barbie, i wouldn't blow tonight... i would wait until timorrow, and go to that track meet tomorrow... go stand off to the side somewhere where he can't see you, to see whether this new 'hobby' involves just running, or he's meeting up with another woman who also like track meets...

I would use this as an opportunity to find out how bad the lying is... then when you know that, decide what you're going to do about it.

He could be lying to avoid confrontation (doesn't want to fight about something), but the bottom line is if he is agreeing to something, then doing the opposite of what he agreed to, that is creating a really bad problem in that you can't trust anything he says.

If he's seeing another woman, then i'd throw in the towel. If he's just doing track, you need to wait until you're not furious and calmly talk to him about how if he lies you'll never trust him, and that if track was that important to him, you'd be OK with it as long as it was clear track was all he was doing.

that's exactly why we deleted our myspaces ... BAD for a relationship. we got rid of them together. and cool, he made another one when we broke up. but he logged on when were together ... living together!!!

and this running thing, it's like he's been living a freaking LIE. everyday when i come home he tells me about his 'golf day' when really, he's talking about his track day. he tells me about his meets ... when he's really talking about his running. it's like he's making me believe this huge lie. when all along the signs have been there.

the whole working out thing, i should;ve know from that alone that something was going on.

i agree with you guys that a lot of this lie has to do with me not wanting him to do track, but he doesnt need to live a lie and drag it out this far. it's like he thinks im stupid and that i wouldn't find out.

and there is no longer a baby involved. it's just him and i.

I agree, Barbie, I think you tend to overthink things and get really really worked up. Thus causing maybe some unnecessary arguments and there for maybe he feels he has to hide innocent things from you for fear you will freak out.

That may be true but it's no excuse for lying. A man should have the courage to be honest and face the consequences.

O.k. I screened your threads (didn't read the answers, just the first post of those in the relationship conflicts forum) - I read really fast ....

You opened a whole bunch of threads about you suspecting he's cheating on you, and in one of them you said he is also jealous of your males friends.

Also you suspect he's doing that because early in the relationship (not sure if I got that right) he was into someone else and you broke up over it., but than you took him back.

Also you said you were cheated on in al,most every relationship in the past.

Since we are not capable of reading his side of the story I will comment only on you.

You took him back after that incident - meaning, you decided to be with him regardless and for the relationship to succeed you should trust him, no matter that thing in the past.

Thats the important part - if you choose to take someone back after cheating, you mustn't judge his future behavior based on experiences from the past.

That why it is so tricky to take someone back after cheating (or as you said "kind off cheating") - you need to be really, really, brave to act right in a relationship after "I took him back" part.

So that means you shouldn't be checking his myspace page, and constantly wondering is he cheating or not.

If you were not engaged i would tell you to drop the relationship since you can't find the strength to trust him - but now I think you decided to be with him so try this new approach - do not think he will cheat on you, and if the thought appears, try to say to yourself you're acting silly.

This is what you should try to do. Make long engagements (if they're still in a plan and try to resolve the issue).

Also if you tell him you don't like the fact he's going running - because of the girls that might make him feel you don't trust him and might make him wanna seek for freedom.

If I were you I would tell him tonight that I think running is a great idea because he likes it and that you changed your mind - since you know he wouldn't cheat you, you can even go with him to choose some clothes for running.

You know women play golf too...so if he wanted to cheat he could meet some bimbo in a super market.

Now to the part where you said you were cheated in almost every relationship - and I think you will hate me after i say this.

IMO I think you should change your hair color in a more subtle tone and to choose clothes that is sexy but in a subtle kind of way.

I have nothing against your style but in the past it attracted guys who are not into serious relationship but find you hot.

It gives the impression you dress like that to attract attention because you think you have nothing else to offer except your looks which is 100% NOT THE CASE.

I think with your clothes you attracted bad kinds of guys in the past - you did get the attention, for sure, because you look really attractive, but big amounts of attention are not the same as getting quality attention

You are hot in general so you don't have to make that obvious.

You are interesting as a person and this is what you should make the most important part of your attractiveness.

So take a big breath and try to calm down -being nervous is not helping you and is not healthy for you at the moment.

Than make a decision to trust your bf and to give him free will to run, hike whatever...

He choose you.

Also stop searching for signs he's cheating - if he was cheating the proof would fall into your lap.

Eliminate fear of him cheating from the equation.

That may be true but it's no excuse for lying. A man should have the courage to be honest and face the consequences.

I completely agree, there's never a excuse to lie, but I'm just saying in response to some of her threads lately, I think she gets a little too worked up.

I am sorry it's just you and him now Barbie.

and it's not like i think he is only doing track so that he can cheat on me, i just don't want him around all those stinking girls ... girls ... girls. that's opportunity. they go out out of town trips .... all together ... overnight trips and i don't like that AT ALL.