Are destination weddings unfair?

I posted about this wedding a while back, but basically friend of mine is getting married in Mexico (which i think is incredibly tacky and lame anyway) and she wants me to be her maid of honour.

originally I said no, because I don't see why i should have to spend a good chunk of change and use my holidays to go to some resort because some girl dreams of being some princess on a beach.

Couples who have destination weddings usually say things like "Oh, it doesn't matter if people come or not"

But then, why do they hand out invitations if they don't care who can make it or not?

I just think its incredibly selfish to know that you are making your friends and relatives spend a large chunk of change and holiday time just so you can get married on a beach.

Sure, friends and relatives will do it, but most of them have to watch their bank accounts or do a bit of saving so they can attend the wedding. I don't know how the couples can live with themselves knowing that OTHER people have to watch their pennies and shell out just so they can have their fantasy wedding?

If I knew (which I'm sure all the happy couples do) that people had to save for my wedding, then i'd feel horrible about it. I couldn't imagine doing it to those who are supposedly my friends and family.

So, what do you think.. are destination weddings selfish?

I sure think they are!!

I do know what you are saying.

I think if you are going to have one you have to fully accept and be comfortable with the fact that close friends may not come because of time/cost etc.

Problem is depsite that, you still do feel a bit guilty declining.

I do know what you are saying.

 

I think if you are going to have one you have to fully accept and be comfortable with the fact that close friends may not come because of time/cost etc.

 

Problem is depsite that, you still do feel a bit guilty declining.

yes i do feel guilty... because she wants me to be her maid of honour ( i don't like that term, but thats a wholeother story!)

Just when I heard them giving out invitations nearly a year in advance so 'people have time to save"

I think thats ridiculous... what about saving for thier own holiday? or saving for something in their own life?

Saving for someone else's wedding? why?!?!

Well, sometimes people decide to go because they like the idea of a resort holiday anyway. We were recently invited to a resort wedding and simply declined politely. As melrich said, people who do this should accept that people may not want to spend that sort of money and should not be offended if few guests actually go.

I don't think it is selfish...it is their wedding after all and are entitled to celebrate as they wish. I am quite sure my own family would ENCOURAGE a destination wedding for me...as they would love the excuse to go on another vacation too! Many people whom do go turn it into their own holiday as well.

However, if you are going to have one, I think it is to be expected not everyone can go and some are going to have to turn it down. I can understand you feeling guilty, but if you can't go....you just can't, right? I have declined a couple such weddings due to timing and budget and sent a small gift and a "wish I could of been there!" card and they understood fully.

Also, what I hate is just because i do have the money, doesn't mean I should be told what to spend my money on. I think thats part of the problem.. is that she sees i want to take my holiday in September, or that i go snowboarding, so they know its not like I don't have the money.

they (destination weddings) are selfish... but it is their wedding.

they can do what they want, but they shouldnt get mad if people cant come. and they should assume that even people very close to them may not be able to come.

i would hope that they have planned it enough in advance so its easier, financially, on friends and family. i dont think anyone should feel forced to go, if you cant- you cant.

its sucks that you, or anyone, may not be able to come see them get married, but ultimately thats what they want to do so... oh well. they are the ones missing out on people they love sharing the day with them.

I can understand that point of view. And yes, for a lot of us it means saving!

I was invited to one and said, as nicely as I could (it sort of popped out) : "Ok. I can either come or give you two a gift. "

She just laughed. They got the gift (money). It was what I could afford at the time (taking into account the money lost to taking time off work, as well, eh).

Also, it wasn't someone extremely close.

For someone very close, somehow I'd go. It's not necessarily what I would choose, but then again, there are a lot of weddings I would not choose half the "treats" that are actually sometimes more like impositions to the guests. So long as it isn't totally ridiculous, I try to be there.

"You mean we aren't getting fed?! And it's not an open bar?!"

i have a destination wedding in the fall. they gave about 15 months advance notice. im going to take the opportunity do combine it with the vacation(s) i would have taken anyway. i wouldnt choose to vacation where they are getting married (bc ive been there already), but ill work it in and make the best of it.

they (destination weddings) are selfish... but it is their wedding.

 

they can do what they want, but they shouldnt get mad if people cant come. and they should assume that even people very close to them may not be able to come.

 

i would hope that they have planned it enough in advance so its easier, financially, on friends and family. i dont think anyone should feel forced to go, if you cant- you cant.

 

its sucks that you, or anyone, may not be able to come see them get married, but ultimately thats what they want to do so... oh well. they are the ones missing out on people they love sharing the day with them.

Exactly.. its their wedding... they choose to get married there. If having friends and family there is so important... they shouldn't get married there.

but planning it in advance so its financially easier for friends and family?!?! Thats what i'm talking about... friends and family shouldn't have to start saving for SOMEONE ELSE's wedding...

I CAN afford to go.. i just choose to spend my money and vacation days on other things... not a resort in Mexico.

Just out of curiosity, has your friend sort of turned into a "Bridezilla" or something?

You seem turned off quite thoroughly from this wedding.

I posted about this wedding a while back, but basically friend of mine is getting married in Mexico (which i think is incredibly tacky and lame anyway) and she wants me to be her maid of honour.

why do you say that mexico is lame and tacky?

i agree that destination weddings are expensive and inconvient for many. of course, it is an honor to be asked to be the maid of honor, and you can just politely decline and wish the happy couple well.

It's their wedding,either you go or not go.That's the dream wedding they want and it's supposed to be a once in a lifetime event.They can have it on the moon if they want to and can afford it.They should know that the further they go the less people will come.

Actually....I am planning on getting married in Bermuda.

I don't really think it's selfish. We are only inviting VERY close family and friends. And I will be paying most of their funds. I don't see it "wasting" there holiday time as they will hopefully be enjoying themselves. : -)

why do you say that mexico is lame and tacky?

 

i agree that destination weddings are expensive and inconvient for many. of course, it is an honor to be asked to be the maid of honor, and you can just politely decline and wish the happy couple well.

I know, I love Mexico - particularly if you get OFF the resort (in safe area of course). Beautiful place and great for all sorts of fun activities.

My sister-in-law's parents are building a house down there to retire in.....she and my brother-in-law will get to go down there frequently as a result and I am SO jealous!

I don't think it is selfish...it is their wedding after all and are entitled to celebrate as they wish. I am quite sure my own family would ENCOURAGE a destination wedding for me...as they would love the excuse to go on another vacation too! Many people whom do go turn it into their own holiday as well.

 

However, if you are going to have one, I think it is to be expected not everyone can go and some are going to have to turn it down. I can understand you feeling guilty, but if you can't go....you just can't, right? I have declined a couple such weddings due to timing and budget and sent a small gift and a "wish I could of been there!" card and they understood fully.

I think its selfish in the sense that its about THEM... and they don't seem to be taking into consideration that friends and family have to give up vacation days and money to go. If someone wants to get married bungee jumping naked in New Zealand, then they should go for it.

if its really just about them, why don't they go to Mexico and elope? Why make other people pay for it? It seems like they want the cake and eat it too.

They want the beach wedding, but they want their guests to pay thousands for it? I think its sooo self-indulgent and obnoxious.

Sure the couple can do whatever they want....but if they invite guests they are bringing other people into their dream as well.

Actually....I am planning on getting married in Bermuda.

 

I don't really think it's selfish. We are only inviting VERY close family and friends. And I will be paying most of their funds. I don't see it "wasting" there holiday time as they will hopefully be enjoying themselves. : -)

Thats what my friend said to me, she said "but you still get a vacation"

yeah, but its not my vacation... not where I'd choose to go. i still have to use my holiday time for it.

Just to play devils advocate:

I am not trying to be rude, but its her day, and its the day she will have to remember for the rest of her life. No offense, but why should she have to alter her dream just because you dont want to go to Mexico?

Do I think destination weddings are the best idea, no. But I also know that I that a few dollars and a few days out of my life to help make my friend have a memorable day, and that, to me, in the long run is worth it.

They want the beach wedding, but they want their guests to pay thousands for it? I think its sooo self-indulgent and obnoxious.

I would hope they would LIKE their friends and family to come. And if friends and family said "no" they would graciously accept that. If that were the case and you still feel guilt then that is your issue.

If friends and family said "no" and the couple then felt aggrieved, then that would be their issue and I'd agree it would be somewhat selfish.

why do you say that mexico is lame and tacky?

 

i agree that destination weddings are expensive and inconvient for many. of course, it is an honor to be asked to be the maid of honor, and you can just politely decline and wish the happy couple well.

Mexican resorts are not my idea of fun or holiday at all. Yuck.

Besides, I have other holidays to go on.

Fun is different to many people.

Just to play devils advocate:

 

I am not trying to be rude, but its her day, and its the day she will have to remember for the rest of her life. No offense, but why should she have to alter her dream just because you dont want to go to Mexico?

 

Do I think destination weddings are the best idea, no. But I also know that I that a few dollars and a few days out of my life to help make my friend have a memorable day, and that, to me, in the long run is worth it.

she shouldn't have to alter it...but she shouldn't be disappointed if people say no... thats what you get when you decide to have your wedding on a beach 1000's of miles away.

I think its selfish in the sense that its about THEM... and they don't seem to be taking into consideration that friends and family have to give up vacation days and money to go. If someone wants to get married bungee jumping naked in New Zealand, then they should go for it.

 

if its really just about them, why don't they go to Mexico and elope? Why make other people pay for it? It seems like they want the cake and eat it too.

 

They want the beach wedding, but they want their guests to pay thousands for it? I think its sooo self-indulgent and obnoxious.

 

Sure the couple can do whatever they want....but if they invite guests they are bringing other people into their dream as well.

Well of course it's about THEM. Its their day. The one day of their lives that is supposed to be the most memorable.

They don't want to elope because they want there close friends and family there to make it more memorable.

If you are close with them it shouldn't matter to give up a few vacation days and some money to help make their day more special.

Actually....I am planning on getting married in Bermuda.

 

I don't really think it's selfish. We are only inviting VERY close family and friends. And I will be paying most of their funds. I don't see it "wasting" there holiday time as they will hopefully be enjoying themselves. : -)

well, of course, hopefully they would be having fun. and i think it's great that you will be paying most of their way.

of course, many people only get a limited number of vacation days a year, and perhaps bermuda (or wherever) isn't where they want to spend those vacation days or their money. and.... they wouldn't be totally free to do whatever, they still obligations to spend time with you, attend the wedding, etc... it's not like they can just take off whenever they feel like and go snorkling. many people (like shika) would rather plan their own vacations. i understand that.

as long as people who plan destination weddings understand that many people may not attend, that is fine.

You don't have to stay on the resort. I never have when I travelled. One of my best trips was Cuba...only time we were on resort was to sleep.

Mexico has tons of great stuff to do - scuba, surfing...and hey, GREAT mountain bike trails..one of the worlds most grueling races is held in Mexico It's not like you need to lay around at the last resort..last thing I like doing. I usually go for a run up & down beach in morning, hit the town for some looking around, maybe do some snorkeling or swimming, then head out to town for some nightlife.....

Just out of curiosity, has your friend sort of turned into a "Bridezilla" or something?

 

You seem turned off quite thoroughly from this wedding.

ha ha... maybe a bit.. comments like "I'll get over it if you dont' come"

Whatever.. i didn't do anything that she needs to 'get over'

When you get married overseas, you are making people save to go...even if they do have the money , most people dont' have an extra $2000 in their backpocket.