Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Girlfriend is always suspicious and blames me for everything

  1. #1
    n707jt
    Member n707jt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    42

    Girlfriend is always suspicious and blames me for everything

    I've been in a relationship with this girl I know from high school for the past 2 months. We are both 22. Recently, I had to leave for Sydney for college but thankfully, she's studying in Brisbane so the distance isn't that great and I've planned to visit her once a month.

    We have agreed that the key to LDR is communication and although we IM very often, but since we don't spend our time in front of the computer all the time, we have decided that we should text each other often and reply our sms-es promptly. Normally, I would reply her text between a time frame of 15 to 20 minutes upon receiving it but when I'm driving, I would probably take up to 30 minutes. She made some noise but I thought... what the hell, maybe I should be more timely in my replies. Then I realize the moment she goes out to shopping, she would not bother to reply my text for hours straight. When I decided to call her, she would basically tell me cos' she was too busy shopping. Problem here is, I would take every effort to reply her in every possible situation but why doesn't she even take the slightest effort to do it to me in return. And when I simply don't reply here timely occasionally (prolly due to the fact Im driving.. ), she starts playing the blame game with me.

    Another problem with her is that she is very insecure and is also suspicious of me being disloyal to her. I don't get it. I am not the sort of person and I really love her. But sometimes, her words really hurt me. She seems to be a pretty dense person and speaks in a really blunt way too. Once I asked her if she did missed me since we are far apart and she went like: whether i miss you or not, i think it is something i will have to get used to. -End of story.

    It felt like a knife went through my heart. I couldn't believe with all the love with have, that was all she had to say!

    She never bothers to ask if Im adjusting to the new environment well. I've come to realize she self pity alot and is more concerned about if Im cheating on her and stuff like that.

    In fact just 15 minutes ago, I activated my camera and I had a ear phone on. She IMed and asked me if I was watching porn because I had the ear phones on for awhile.

    She spends 90% of the time suspecting me and seriously although I know she loves me, Im really not feeling it at all. Instead I feel like Im always being charged with a crime I did not commit.

    I've talked to her many times and she recognizes her problem and has always promised me that she is trying to change but it is so difficult and she just falls back to square one.

    What do I do?

  2. #2
    JadedStar
    JadedStar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    On a star far, far away...
    Posts
    16,141
    Thanked
    3
    Do you love her? You said you "are not feeling it". If not, isn't that your answer?

  3. #3
    danger_zone

    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    8
    Gender
    Male
    Long distance relationships are tough and require strnth and comitment by both people in them, they are frustating and you give up lots of daily afection that would be otherwise available.

    One thing for sure, is cut out this silly reisponse time for messages. There should be no expectations of when the person gets back, it causes uneeded stress and strain to an alreayd promlematic situation.

    You can only tell her how you feel with the trust issues and she will either accept it or not. Just try to enjoy each other instead you are both worrying and interjecting problems where at this point there isnt a need for them. You know?

  4. #4
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    8
    This girl is way too problematical for a two month relationship. I would tell her your concerns more or less as bluntly as she is and tell her that it isn't working for you as things are and that if the relationship is to continue then things need to change.

  5. #5
    n707jt
    Member n707jt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    42
    My friends and family were telling me if she is capable of dishing out so much problems in 2 months, she has the ability to make my life really miserable for a long time. I do love her but I just really can't stand the nonsense she throws at me.

  6. #6
    RayKay
    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Middle of Canada
    Age
    37
    Posts
    12,897
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by DN [Register to see the link]
    This girl is way too problematical for a two month relationship. I would tell her your concerns more or less as bluntly as she is and tell her that it isn't working for you as things are and that if the relationship is to continue then things need to change.
    Agreed.

    I am sure you do have feelings for her, but I guarantee those feelings are going to turn to resentment and bitterness if this goes on.

    She is rather manipulative it seems, and a "do as I say, but I can do whatever I want" kind of girl....ick. She also sounds controlling.

    Healthy relationships require mutual respect, and she is not giving you much respect.

  7. #7
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    8
    Quote Originally Posted by n707jt [Register to see the link]
    My friends and family were telling me if she is capable of dishing out so much problems in 2 months, she has the ability to make my life really miserable for a long time. I do love her but I just really can't stand the nonsense she throws at me.
    Then end it now. Better to do it sooner rather than later.

  8. #8
    danger_zone

    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    8
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by DN [Register to see the link]
    This girl is way too problematical for a two month relationship. I would tell her your concerns more or less as bluntly as she is and tell her that it isn't working for you as things are and that if the relationship is to continue then things need to change.
    True. The long ones are hard enough without one party being very insecure in the first place. Its an uphil battle all the way, and isnt fun now, letalone in a few months. Sooner the better to just say, lets be friends for now. She isnt going to change, she cannot change.

  9. #9
    arwen
    Silver Member arwen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    The Netherlands
    Age
    37
    Posts
    5,935
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    Without trust, there is no foundation for a relationship. She will have to trust you, esp. if you only see each other once a month. I don't agree that she would not be able to change. If she would want to change, she would be able to.

  10. #10
    JadedStar
    JadedStar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    On a star far, far away...
    Posts
    16,141
    Thanked
    3
    She can change but it will be hard and she has to want it mroe than anything. I was like this when i was younger and these habits are horrifically hard to break. I won't say she can't do it but i will say that you have to hope that she wants to change as strongly as you want this to change. If not, she will slip back into these patterns constantly.

    A lot of women like this say they will change to appease their guy but deep down think they are right to behave like this, thus making real change difficult.

  11.  

Top Threads
Any ideas for what to do?
So my girlfriend and I are both about to be seniors in high school and we both has desires to last forever with eachother. We've been together for
Am I asking for a broken heart?
Hi everyone and thanks for reading and responding. I met a guy online and we have been talking for about 6 months now. We have never met in person
Should I follow my BF's friend on social media?
So background info: My boyfriend is in the military and currently out of the country. A few months ago we briefly broke up because I found out that
No idea how
Falling apart pt2 Umm this is in connection with the first post I made just last night, but when my bf I think says he needs time to think about it
S.O.S please someone help mee
So, I am going to try and give as much detail to help set the scenario. so, here goes nothing! I met a guy 4 years ago. We became friends and the
No idea how part 2 I guess
I received some great advice on about not calling or texting etc for a week to see if the guy I'm with long distance wise contacts me and if anything
Don't know what I should do
My boyfriend and I are doing long distance over the summer. We met at college and fell in love and have been together for about a year. Things were
Featured Threads
I love you, but I'm not in love with you.
So my fiancÚ of 7.5 years has decided she isn't in love with me anymore so has broken up with me. Our situation is very complicated we have a 2.5
How far should I go with unfriending/blocking on social media?
Hi all, I'm going hard no contact. She originally unfriended me on Snap and Twitter. I recently unfriended her on FB and IG. I also went a step
missing atm
I think what I miss at the moment is having a friend to talk to like we used to. She became the only person I really talked to for the better part
Mum boyfriend inapropriate
Hi everyone, thought i would share an update on whats happened so far. Thankyou all for helping me out yesterday, everything you all said was really
Girlfriend always mad at me
Me and my girlfriend have been togetehr for almost a year. I love her more than anything and i know shes not cheating on me or anything like that
I [F/26] found underwear in my boyfriend's [M/30] pocket.
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year. Recently, my boyfriend asked me to look for some money, so I looked everywhere and I couldn't find it. I
Ex gf text me out of the blue
I guess I just want some feedback and honest replies as my head is completely gone again. Me and my ex gf have been in no contact for a few months
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •