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Thread: Girlfriend is always suspicious and blames me for everything

  1. #1
    n707jt
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    Girlfriend is always suspicious and blames me for everything

    I've been in a relationship with this girl I know from high school for the past 2 months. We are both 22. Recently, I had to leave for Sydney for college but thankfully, she's studying in Brisbane so the distance isn't that great and I've planned to visit her once a month.

    We have agreed that the key to LDR is communication and although we IM very often, but since we don't spend our time in front of the computer all the time, we have decided that we should text each other often and reply our sms-es promptly. Normally, I would reply her text between a time frame of 15 to 20 minutes upon receiving it but when I'm driving, I would probably take up to 30 minutes. She made some noise but I thought... what the hell, maybe I should be more timely in my replies. Then I realize the moment she goes out to shopping, she would not bother to reply my text for hours straight. When I decided to call her, she would basically tell me cos' she was too busy shopping. Problem here is, I would take every effort to reply her in every possible situation but why doesn't she even take the slightest effort to do it to me in return. And when I simply don't reply here timely occasionally (prolly due to the fact Im driving.. ), she starts playing the blame game with me.

    Another problem with her is that she is very insecure and is also suspicious of me being disloyal to her. I don't get it. I am not the sort of person and I really love her. But sometimes, her words really hurt me. She seems to be a pretty dense person and speaks in a really blunt way too. Once I asked her if she did missed me since we are far apart and she went like: whether i miss you or not, i think it is something i will have to get used to. -End of story.

    It felt like a knife went through my heart. I couldn't believe with all the love with have, that was all she had to say!

    She never bothers to ask if Im adjusting to the new environment well. I've come to realize she self pity alot and is more concerned about if Im cheating on her and stuff like that.

    In fact just 15 minutes ago, I activated my camera and I had a ear phone on. She IMed and asked me if I was watching porn because I had the ear phones on for awhile.

    She spends 90% of the time suspecting me and seriously although I know she loves me, Im really not feeling it at all. Instead I feel like Im always being charged with a crime I did not commit.

    I've talked to her many times and she recognizes her problem and has always promised me that she is trying to change but it is so difficult and she just falls back to square one.

    What do I do?

  2. #2
    JadedStar
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    Do you love her? You said you "are not feeling it". If not, isn't that your answer?

  3. #3
    danger_zone

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    Long distance relationships are tough and require strnth and comitment by both people in them, they are frustating and you give up lots of daily afection that would be otherwise available.

    One thing for sure, is cut out this silly reisponse time for messages. There should be no expectations of when the person gets back, it causes uneeded stress and strain to an alreayd promlematic situation.

    You can only tell her how you feel with the trust issues and she will either accept it or not. Just try to enjoy each other instead you are both worrying and interjecting problems where at this point there isnt a need for them. You know?

  4. #4
    DN

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    This girl is way too problematical for a two month relationship. I would tell her your concerns more or less as bluntly as she is and tell her that it isn't working for you as things are and that if the relationship is to continue then things need to change.

  5. #5
    n707jt
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    My friends and family were telling me if she is capable of dishing out so much problems in 2 months, she has the ability to make my life really miserable for a long time. I do love her but I just really can't stand the nonsense she throws at me.

  6. #6
    RayKay
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    Quote Originally Posted by DN [Register to see the link]
    This girl is way too problematical for a two month relationship. I would tell her your concerns more or less as bluntly as she is and tell her that it isn't working for you as things are and that if the relationship is to continue then things need to change.
    Agreed.

    I am sure you do have feelings for her, but I guarantee those feelings are going to turn to resentment and bitterness if this goes on.

    She is rather manipulative it seems, and a "do as I say, but I can do whatever I want" kind of girl....ick. She also sounds controlling.

    Healthy relationships require mutual respect, and she is not giving you much respect.

  7. #7
    DN

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    Quote Originally Posted by n707jt [Register to see the link]
    My friends and family were telling me if she is capable of dishing out so much problems in 2 months, she has the ability to make my life really miserable for a long time. I do love her but I just really can't stand the nonsense she throws at me.
    Then end it now. Better to do it sooner rather than later.

  8. #8
    danger_zone

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    Quote Originally Posted by DN [Register to see the link]
    This girl is way too problematical for a two month relationship. I would tell her your concerns more or less as bluntly as she is and tell her that it isn't working for you as things are and that if the relationship is to continue then things need to change.
    True. The long ones are hard enough without one party being very insecure in the first place. Its an uphil battle all the way, and isnt fun now, letalone in a few months. Sooner the better to just say, lets be friends for now. She isnt going to change, she cannot change.

  9. #9
    arwen
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    Without trust, there is no foundation for a relationship. She will have to trust you, esp. if you only see each other once a month. I don't agree that she would not be able to change. If she would want to change, she would be able to.

  10. #10
    JadedStar
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    She can change but it will be hard and she has to want it mroe than anything. I was like this when i was younger and these habits are horrifically hard to break. I won't say she can't do it but i will say that you have to hope that she wants to change as strongly as you want this to change. If not, she will slip back into these patterns constantly.

    A lot of women like this say they will change to appease their guy but deep down think they are right to behave like this, thus making real change difficult.

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