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Thread: I don't trust my boyfriend

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Japanfreak05's Avatar
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    I don't trust my boyfriend

    After nearly 3 years of being together I have realized that I don't trust my boyfriend that much. It sucks cuz I really want us to be together, but I just wish he could be honest with me. I tell him this but it never really turns out the way he says it does, let me explain.

    A couple of times he has gone out with some buddies, we'll talk the next day and I'll ask him what he did, once was on the 4th of July and he said he had "sat in the car watched the fireworks" turns out he was at a house party that night (found out through the infamous facebook)

    the second time he told me "I hung out with my brother, we didn't do much" two months later he tells me they went to a strip club that night.....

    Last but not least he has this "friend" named Tonya they talk all the time, for 30+ minutes at a time. I told him I didn't like that (he doesn't like me talking to other guys either, so I don't) but he still talks to her anyway. I made him a screen name so that we could talk while we are at work and he put her on that name too so he could talk to her too.

    It's so aweful because I'll talk to him about this stuff but he says "I didn't want to tell you cuz you'd get mad" or "she doesn't have anything on you, you are all around better than her" they are all good reasons and I should believe him.....but I just can't! What's wrong with me?!?!?

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    I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Most women would feel uncomfortable with the situations you have witnessed.

    That being said, I know of plenty of very good guys who don't always tell the truth to their partners simply because they wouldn't understand. Going to a strip club might be viewed as cheating by some. Others are able to completely separate this kind of activity from their emotional lives.

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    Bronze Member meagzt's Avatar
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    Hey I don't blame you. When someone has lied to you once, it's okay and it can be forgiven, but to keep doing it... I wouldn't really trust him either. And if he doesn't want you to talk to members of the oposite sex, then he should not be exempt from this rule in your relationship.

  4. 02-12-2008, 12:22 AM
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    Bronze Member Japanfreak05's Avatar
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    Him going to the strip club doesn't bother me, I know he woudln't do anything with thoes random girls, it's jus the fact that I thought he would have told me (not two months after). I tell him EVERYTHING (tho he doesn't believe that lol)

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  7. #5
    Bronze Member Japanfreak05's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by meagzt
    Hey I don't blame you. When someone has lied to you once, it's okay and it can be forgiven, but to keep doing it... I wouldn't really trust him either. And if he doesn't want you to talk to members of the oposite sex, then he should not be exempt from this rule in your relationship.
    I don't understand why he keeps talking to her, I've expressed how much I don't like it and I'd wish he'd stop, but he KEEPS talking to her! I don't get it

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    I'm not trying to excuse his behaviour but some of the most reliable men I know of tell white lies to their spouses every now and then. They are not cheaters by any means but there are parts of their lives that they don't feel like explaning to their partners.

    I'm not supporting that behaviour, just saying that it doesn't necessarily lead to something worse.

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    Originally Posted by Bewitched1101
    I don't understand why he keeps talking to her, I've expressed how much I don't like it and I'd wish he'd stop, but he KEEPS talking to her! I don't get it
    I personally wouldn't stop talking to someone because my GF asks me to. I'd be pissed off actually.

  10. #8
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    Well if you are in a committed relationship and he has a "friend" then the most respectful option is that you were introduced to her and you were ALL FRIENDS... I think that is why your gut instinct is allowing it to bother you, because you are not involved in this "friendship" he has with Tanya, so next time he talks to her, just say, "ask her to have dinner with us sometime".. and see how he re-acts.. if he avoids it, or doesn't want the two of you (you and Tanya) to get to know each other, than I'd say it's a "red flag"..

    As far as either of you deciding who is "okay to talk to or not" well that's just insecurity and immaturity, if you are in an authentic healthy respectful loving relationship then you would know each other's friends and confidants, you wouldn't have "other friends" whom you don't share or know..... at the very least you could meet her once.. but if his friendship with her is kept "separate" that is the issue, as far as you talking to guys or him talking to girls..well that's life, it's normal, but it's not okay if it's "on the side or kept from one another"...
    Last edited by blender; 02-12-2008 at 12:32 AM.

  11. #9
    Bronze Member Japanfreak05's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by rs.dallaire
    I personally wouldn't stop talking to someone because my GF asks me to. I'd be pissed off actually.
    They had something going before me and him met, then he met me and we got together. But he still talks to her too. He gets MAD when i talk to a guy....but it's ok for him to talk to her??

  12. #10
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    Jealous people tend to view this as a one way street indeed.

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