Is this abuse?

my boyfriend has been angry, blaming and abusive too me in the past 6 months.

he was never at the start. but we started arguing a lot.

one time we were in car and my phone rang for a job interview and started yelling 'shutup' keep ya voice down' (he thinks i talk too loud) i waved my finger at him to say 'shhhhhhhhh' as it was job interview. he then slapped/punched me once in the arm. he then afterwards said he never did it and got angry when i brought it up.

is this abuse or the start? he was nice before?

Yes those are the classic signs of the start of abuse.

No one should ever lay their hands on you out of anger. To pretend it didn't happen or that it was your fault is how they try to say they are justified in their actions.

I would seriously get out now before it gets worse. Believe me it WILL get worse. It just starts with shoving, pushing, slapping, etc and escalates to beating you up till you are black and blue.

He actually had the nerve to lie and say he never did it? Wow.

Please, hurry up and leave his stupid ass for your own safety.

If I were you I would Leave him before it gets worse. This is bad enough anyways.

Yes, I am with the others on this...blazing red flag. It will likely escalate.

i jumped out of car after this and later he wanted to break up, like a week later, i said you slapped/hit me and he lost it with me, said 'no i did didnt, dont you every said i have'.

why would he do this?

Um, yes. BIG RED FLAG. These are, as others have said, the first signs of abuse... Please, get out while you still can. It's a sticky icky cycle to get caught up in.

it didnt leave a bruise.

since then he has been angry with me. talking down to me, putting me down.

i got soo frustrated a few months later we went out to a club and he ignored me, so i told him in a drunken state it was over, he went & kissed another woman. a week later i got back with him but i couldnt forget the kiss, so i lost it with him and i got violent, i swung a puch (didnt get him) and he lied on me so i bit him as i was sooooooo hurt. but since then if i talk back to him or stick for myself he slaps me, normally on the arm etc. please be aware i never started this violence it was him and i am ashamed that i did that. he told me he has so much anger towards me?why?

i jumped out of car after this and later he wanted to break up, like a week later, i said you slapped/hit me and he lost it with me, said 'no i did didnt, dont you every said i have'.

why would he do this?

He actually ordered you not to EVER say that he hit you. The reason? Most likely because he doesn't want you to tell anyone because he can get in trouble.

He is in the wrong here. I have been where you are and can guarantee you it gets worse. I know you have feelings and care about him, but the best thing to do right now is to leave. As hard as it is it needs to be done.

Oh and him saying he is breaking up with you is yet another form of abuse. Emotional abuse. I bet you he wants to get back together with you.

I will never get how someone could ever want to hurt someone they "say" they care about... And you want to know the reason...? Because he doesn't care for you, he cares about being the one with the upperhand on you.

He is trying to make you feel like what happened didn't happen quite the way you thought it did. Like you are crazy or exagerating. This is a HUGE sign of an abuser..he is misplacing the blame on you...like you are at fault and he did nothing wrong. Do you have anyone to talk to about this..a family member or friend? It would help if you had someone to confide in and to help you through this. My advice is to leave, NOW, but I know that a lot of women have a hard time doing that. That's why you need some emotional support from someone. What he did IS abuse...physically and verbally.

it didnt leave a bruise.

since then he has been angry with me. talking down to me, putting me down.

i got soo frustrated a few months later we went out to a club and he ignored me, so i told him in a drunken state it was over, he went & kissed another woman. a week later i got back with him but i couldnt forget the kiss, so i lost it with him and i got violent, i swung a puch (didnt get him) and he lied on me so i bit him as i was sooooooo hurt. but since then if i talk back to him or stick for myself he slaps me, normally on the arm etc. please be aware i never started this violence it was him and i am ashamed that i did that. he told me he has so much anger towards me?why?

This is just how it begins. It gets so much worse.

His words are meant to bring you down. Eventually, over time, you will have nothing left inside of you to fight back. DON'T LET IT GET TO THAT POINT!

The fact that he kissed another woman in front of you is clear as day he doesn't care about you or your feelings.. no matter how often he will tell you he does.

no i walked out on him a week ago, he slapped me on arm again after i had just come out of hospital,(stomach op) and said he had so much anger towards me and he had never been like this before (i am his first girlfriend). he said he can never get over/passed it. i told him i never wanna hear/speak to him again and havent heard since and nor have i contacted him.im wondering what i did to make him so angry?

my folks are away, a lot of my friends have basically given up on me cos they have warned me so many times but this time i will not go back i mean that. i have not contacted him at all. he kissed the other woman cos i was soooo angry with him as he had disappeared all night and ignored me and i had told him it was over. his argument was 'well you split up with me' he kissed the girl 5 mins later.

YOU ARE NOT THE ONE WHO CAUSED HIM TO BE ANGRY! This is his emotional problem and you need to protect yourself from him...you deserve to be with someone who loves and adores you and protects you. This is his way of controlling you by saying that YOU made him angry. You didn't do anything...he was angry before you and you are someone for him to take all his rage and anger out on.

How old are you by the way?

then why did he say he wasn't angry before he met me his mum told me that too? he comes accross so nice when we meet people and they all say 'what a nice, caring guy'??i keep thinking i brought it out in him as he was nice at the start?

no i walked out on him a week ago, he slapped me on arm again after i had just come out of hospital,(stomach op) and said he had so much anger towards me and he had never been like this before (i am his first girlfriend). he said he can never get over/passed it. i told him i never wanna hear/speak to him again and havent heard since and nor have i contacted him.im wondering what i did to make him so angry?

The thing is and believe me this is the truth. You did nothing wrong. You did nothing to make him act that way.

He is trying to blame you because that is how abusers abuse you emotionally. They bring you down. Make you feel like the reason they are like that is because it was ALL you fault.

It's not your fault.

He was this way long before you were in his life.

You are doing the right thing by leaving him. I am proud of you for gathering up your strength and getting out.

Be prepared though, he won't stop trying. Stay strong and when you need to vent come on here. PM me anytime you need to talk

then why did he say he wasn't angry before he met me his mum told me that too? he comes accross so nice when we meet people and they all say 'what a nice, caring guy'??i keep thinking i brought it out in him as he was nice at the start?

Does his mum know he has hit you? Does she condone this behavior? No matter what you do...I don't care if you did the most horrible thing in the world to him...that does not give him the right to put his hands on you in anger. What gave him the right to do that to you? He needs to get help and you cant' help him. You need to MAKE yourself let him go.

33 he was 23 i know very young..

its been 6 days though, dont think i will here from him. he is angry cos i told him parents.

My mom was in an abusive relationship about two years ago and it was torture listening to her tell me what he did to her. It started slow like this and escalated to him threatening to kill her and my two younger brothers. She still felt that she loved him...no matter what. It took me calling child protective services to get her to get rid of him. I KNOW it is hard to walk away when you believe you love him. That is why you need a counselor or family member for support.

i have let him go. no contact for 6 days.

i bit him after he kissed the girl and he walked out on me, he told his mum i bit him. i was pregnant at time and had abortion a week later.(i know its full of drama) she knows i was pregnant and rang me, i apologised she said she wasnt happy but know's there are 2 sides to the story. i told her why i bit him on weekend before i walked out. she said he doesnt wanna be with you that's why he is angry.

You're out of this mess, good for you. DONT go back to him, not ever. Dont get in contact with him. He's emotionally/physically abusive, you aren't right for eachother and you know it. However you shouldn't sink to his level. Don't use violence in your next relationships and if a guy starts showing signs of abuse, LEAVE. You'll find the right one in the future, for sure.

In virtually every abusive relationship (your case is rather compelling) there is a background of co-dependency.

This might sound terrible but seems to me like you were a "consenting victim". Repeatedly getting back with him, getting pregnant, etc., despite all of these huge red flags is a clear sign that you aren't totally healthy either.

I've always stated that it takes two to tango. He wouldn't have been abusive had you not "allowed" him to and had you not been clingy to the point that he thought he could get away with it (and let's face it, he did get away with it for a while).

Now that you are no longer with him, the time is appropriate for you to get to know yourself better and perhaps look for professional advice. Otherwise history has shown that a relationship like this is likely to happen to you again.

^^I agree with the above~ now you can focus on yourself and find out what makes you tick. I think this should be a requirement for EVERY single person. You need to know who you are, where you have been and where you are going. Evaluating your past is very difficult but unless you find the source of your problems, you can better understand those problems and work on improving them so you don't end up in another relationship with an abuser.

Congratulations though girly on having the strength to leave. It will probably be tough for a little while more and hurt but just keep reminding yourself why you had to leave him. You will be fine hun~