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Thread: >> Insert Catchy Title Here <<

  1. #1
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    >> Insert Catchy Title Here <<

    Catchy titles draw attention to threads, but i can't think of on that explains my issue.

    I guess i need to vent. I don't like that word 'vent' though, sounds ugly. I need to get a load off my chest.

    I want to call my girlfriend, so i do. She's watching a movie or some TV show. Tries to hold a conversation with me and watch her show. Like any multi tasking one thing gets more attention then the other. Sometimes me, sometimes the show. I say to her "Call me back when your not busy". Then she feels bad, says some sorries and tries to keep me on the phone, this time giving me more attention.

    Tonight was one of those nights. She was watching some home make over/rebuild your ruined life show with her younger siblings. I get into asking her how her day was and all the good stuff. I get some short answers. I could tell that this conversation wasn't going too far. Then the commercial comes on and i get attention *Yay!*. Show resumes so i start asking questions about it to keep the talk going. Maybe i was mumbling or maybe she was watching her show and not paying much attention, but i had to repeat most questions at least twice. I get some short few word answers. So i stopped talking, a nice 3 min silence or so until she starts talking about "How sad it is to lose everything in your home and have nothing but the cloths on your back". I respond with some "Mhmm, yeah thats awful, it doesn't really affect me" responses, with a tone of voice that says "I don't really care". I didn't call to talk about her TV show, i called to talk to her.

    She gets defensive, tells me "Your starting to make me angry with your It doesn't bother me attitude You don't know what it's like to be in that situation, with nothing but the cloths on your back". At that point i cut her off, my house burned down, i had nothing but the cloths on my back, I've been in the exact situation. Except no one came to the rescue offering to rebuild it for free. That shut her up about it pretty quick.

    Long no talking pause until next commercial comes one. To witch we started to exchange our busy days as to when we can see each other next. *Oh my GOD!!* The commercials are over and the show is back on before we finished figuring out when we are going to be able to see each other next. What ever will we do?? I guess she could sense the tension/anger with in the sounds of our phone call because she lets us finish our scheduling.

    We threw around some dates to figure out exactly when closer to the weekend. I then tell her "Enjoy your show, good night and call me later if your not too busy" (tomorrowish). She started saying sorry, not for what exactly or apologizing to anything, just saying sorry. I told her not to apologize, that "it's ok if you would rather watch TV then talk to me". Again she said sorry, then asked what time i got home tomorrow so that she could promptly call me.

    We've sort of had this discussion before about how much i hate it when she does other things while talking on the phone with me. Nothing has really been resolved yet. I hope she calls tomorrow to discuss phone etiquette with regards to each other. I'm really easy going and tomorrow i wont be at all upset or angry. So i really hope she brings it up because i probably wont.

    Thanks for reading and feel free to throw down some replies. Feed back is always nice, in fact i encourage it, I'd like to hear others opinions.

  2. #2
    Gold Member havefaith's Avatar
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    You had the right idea when you told her to just call you later. You should have stuck to it.

    She's allowed to be doing something else when you call, so in the future you should just let her call you when she can. She doesn't need to drop everything when you call but she also doesn't need to give you a distracted conversation.

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    Platinum Member Aleadragonhawk's Avatar
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    I agree that telling her to call you back later is the right thing to do. Talk to her about it and tell her how frustrated it makes you when you're trying to talk to her and she's so distracted, but make it clear that you don't expect her to put down everything when you call her - you would rather just talk when she's able to dedicate her attention to the conversation. You might try suggesting that instead of you calling her, she could try being the one to initiate phone conversations.

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    Platinum Member pianoguy's Avatar
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    Next time this happens just tell her you'll call back later.

    Watch the passive-aggression stuff. I see a lot of examples of passive-aggressive manipulation in your thread. If you want her to stop watching TV, ask her politely rather then getting sullen and angry and expecting her to take a hint. If she doesn't, just offer to call back.

    "it's ok if you would rather watch TV then talk to me".
    That's an example of passive-aggressive behavior- next time just say "it hurts my feelings when we're trying to hold a conversation and you're not paying attention" or "It's really annoying to me" etc.

    I hope she calls tomorrow to discuss phone etiquette with regards to each other. I'm really easy going and tomorrow i wont be at all upset or angry. So i really hope she brings it up because i probably wont.
    It's not your girlfriend's job to read your mind. If you want to discuss something, it's your job to bring it up the next time you talk.

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    Sometimes she doesn't want/let me hang up on her. As if she really wants to talk but wants to watch TV too. Same thing when i call her and she's playing video games. I'll tell her to call me back later then she then she gets into the "no, no, no don't worry i can hold a conversation and continue doing what I'm doing". I tell her to just call me later and hang up on her.

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    Platinum Member pianoguy's Avatar
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    Just be firm... just say you'll call later and hang up. It's not ideal but I think it will work.

    If you think it's becoming a serious problem I would discuss it with her- preferably in person so you know for sure she's not multitasking.

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    What annoys me is when people call me to talk and i am already doing something else.

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    Originally Posted by JadedStar
    What annoys me is when people call me to talk and i am already doing something else.
    Then tell them you'll call them back later. My girlfriend doesn't do that, she'll try to hold both at the same time. Sometimes she can, other times she cant.

    Next time this happens I'll voice my concern about it then. If it starts out like one of those conversations I'll tell her to "call me back when your less busy" then if she tries to keep me on the phone while doing w/e it is she's doing while not really listening. I'll tell her "It really bothers me when you do this.....So just call me back later, K?". Or what ever it is that comes to me at the time, i don't really know.


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