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Thread: Best friend got married without telling me... feel hurt

  1. #1
    yuki
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    Best friend got married without telling me... feel hurt

    My best friend got married and I didn't know about it. We've been close friends for 20 years. Apparently she got married in a civil ceremony, so I assume that no friends were invited. I am happy for her but can't help feeling hurt by the fact that she didn't tell me when she decided to get married. I only found out because I sent her an e-mail to ask her how she's doing and she replied and said she got married.

    I honestly feel betrayed. Am I overreacting?

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    Tethys
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    If you're as close as you say, NO, you are not overreacting! Perhaps something else is at play here, though. Have you asked her why she didn't tell you?

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    Papillion
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    Quote Originally Posted by yuki [Register to see the link]
    My best friend got married and I didn't know about it. We've been close friends for 20 years. Apparently she got married in a civil ceremony, so I assume that no friends were invited. I am happy for her but can't help feeling hurt by the fact that she didn't tell me when she decided to get married. I only found out because I sent her an e-mail to ask her how she's doing and she replied and said she got married.

    I honestly feel betrayed. Am I overreacting?
    honey, one of my best friends had a daughter and the first i knew was when the baby was 2 weeks old!

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    Meow18
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    I would be hurt as well.

    However, you say the only way you found out was by emailing her asking her how was doing. I get the impression that you don't talk that much if you are emailing her about how she is doing..

    I would say really close best friends know because they see/talk everyday. So I guess I'm just wondering how often you talk?

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    Dako
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    Try to be happy for them.
    I'd assume they had their reasons to have a private marriage without fanfare.
    Perhaps they wanted to do it on the spur of the moment and not call everyone they knew to explain it all. Marriage is ultimately between two people.

    I pretty much did the same thing, and a week later a co-worker asked me why I was wearing a ring.

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    shikashika
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    I think you are definitely overreacting!

    Honestly, to me it sounds like the perfect wedding, without all the drama, bridezilla fanfare.

    People should be able to get married however they want.

    I can see exactly why people dont' have weddings, because there are so many friends and family out there who think they need to be a part of it and get involved.

  7. #7
    Mythical_Suicide
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    Quote Originally Posted by shikashika [Register to see the link]
    I think you are definitely overreacting!

    Honestly, to me it sounds like the perfect wedding, without all the drama, bridezilla fanfare.

    People should be able to get married however they want.

    I can see exactly why people dont' have weddings, because there are so many friends and family out there who think they need to be a part of it and get involved.

    I think I would have to agree with what was said here..

    When I get married, the only people (if anyone besides me ,the guy i'm marrying and my son) that will be involved will be the immediate family (my father , their parents and maybe (Thats a BIG Maybe) the siblings..)
    Too much drama and complications come along with big weddings where everyone is involved because EVERYONE has to have a say

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    BeStrongBeHappy
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    If they just ran off and did it... well, some people do that!

    I doubt it had anything to do with you... had more to say about her 'spontaneous' nature, or maybe they didn't want anyone else there, or to give them the time to object first so they just did it!

  9. #9
    yuki
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    Thanks, all. I needed some different perspectives.

    I'm on assignment overseas but we've still been calling and e-mailing to keep up with each other's lives as we always have, although in the last few months both of us have been busy and haven't talked, which is why I e-mailed her to see how she was doing.

    One thing that baffles me is when our mutual friend got married a few years ago without telling any friend, we talked about it and said that if either of us got married, we would at least let each other know.

    I am a big proponent of a private ceremony and have no problem with not being invited to her wedding. I just wish she had contacted me after her wedding and told me she got married. A simple e-mail would have been good enough, but she didn't bother.

    There are some friends of mine who wouldn't surprise me at all if they got married and had kids and didn't tell friends because that's just the way they are. She wasn't one of them. Have you ever felt you've known someone for so long and one day you feel like you don't know them at all? That's how I feel now.

  10. #10
    flower99
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    Quote Originally Posted by BeStrongBeHappy [Register to see the link]
    If they just ran off and did it... well, some people do that!

    I doubt it had anything to do with you... had more to say about her 'spontaneous' nature, or maybe they didn't want anyone else there, or to give them the time to object first so they just did it!
    I completely agree!!

    Don't feel hurt.
    This is how i got married, I planned it in 2 days & didn't tell any friends (I felt like if I told one I'd have to tell them all, and I didn't want to go through that at that the time) Only my immediate family.
    A couple days after the wedding when I told my friends...they were all wonderful & supportive, I felt lucky to have such great friends. Except one - She told me how hurt & insulted she was that i hadn't told her..ect......Honestly I wasn't happy with her when she told me that. I'm sorry she was hurt, but it wasn't about her. It was my wedding. If there is ever a time to just let a person do things how they want there wedding is it!
    Just be happy for her, don't be hurt. she loves you, just a wedding to her wasn't about friends, it was just about her husband. Just Support her. You not knowing about the wedding I'm sure had nothing to do with you.

    Was she engaged for a while? or was the man a surprise too?
    Last edited by flower99; 01-22-2008 at 02:43 PM.

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