*Banishing the green eyed monster*

My BF of 1 year is an overly friendly guy. I get very jealous when we are out. He is such a sucker for a pretty face whenever he sees one. I can see his expression subtly change. I am trying my darn hardest to overcome my jealousy, as deep down he is a good guy, and i get treated very well otherwise. I just want to feel comfortable with him. It seems the longer we are together the more jealous I become. I try to put it to the back of my mind and think positive, but it just doesn't seem to work. These jealous feelings are polluting my mind. I cant feel comfortable with him without worrying he'll say something i wont like or look at someone in a way i'd disapprove of.

What i wanted to know was, how others overcame their jealousy? x

You should really talk to him about this. He probably doesn't even know that you feel this way. i had no idea how jealous my bf got till he finally told me. Burying feelings is a terrible idea. You will probably always feel this jealousy and talking about it is the only way to make you feel better.

Honestly, I know that he's a good guy cuz I've known those types. I knew this gorgeous guy who was a bit flirty and dated him. I simply can't handle it, though. I'm too jealous of a person. But some women can...just not me. I don't know if you are or not but I don't think that it goes away easy.

We have had numerous conversations about this, and he has said that when he does these things, as in flirting, being very friendly, that it means nothing, and that i should know that by now. Regardless of that he has promised that he would try to be a little more aloof with others (as in female)when we are out. It works for a week or so then he's back to his same self. I do trust him not to cheat on me, most definitely. Its just my jealous nature and how to deal with being with a guy like him. He is naturally overly friendly and loves to talk, regardless of who it is. I just feel jealous when he's talking to other females. I want to change but dont know how.

Depends on what you think its worth...I don't know but maybe you can talk to him about it. If he keeps it up, you might want to reconsider some things...like the fact that you don't want to have to deal with an uncomfortable personal jealousy for the rest of your life. Love isn't about that.

just remind yourself that your the one that'll be taking him home that night. Can you honestly say that you've never checked out some guy when your bf was around? watched a movie and thought "man, that actor is good looking!"? Guys are just less discreet about it. If you still feel bad, you should tell him how it makes you "feel" and really make yourself vulnerable. If he doesn't do anything about it, then you might think about finding someone else who cares more about how you feel.

Yea, you should definitely talk to him. He probably doesn't even know that you feel jealous (as much as we want them to, boys can't read minds). Let him know that it bothers you a great deal and you would appreciate it if he can be less obvious gawking at other girls. If you keep this all inside, it will consume you and I'm pretty sure it'll eventually lead to a fight or possibly even a breakup.

If he is as good a guy as you say he is, he should be considerate of your feelings.

Also, it's true that jealousy doesn't go away easily, but maybe if you understood WHY you are jealous, it might help a bit. Are you slightly insecure? Are you afraid that he might leave you for somebody better? Have you been cheated on before? You don't have to answer in this post if you don't want to, but hopefully it'll help you deal with your jealousy better.

Yes, I have been cheated on before, countless times in the past.

I understand that my insecurities stem from those experiences. My BF and I have spoken about this many times. I do know that it is in his personality to be very outgoing and friendly,as he was when we first met, but now i feel uncomfortable with it as the relationship is progressing and feelings are growing. When we aren't together he assures me everyday that he loves me, tells me how beautiful i am on a constant basis, sending me texts throughout the day everyday and phone calls reassuring me of his love for me, but all that still isn't enough to satisfy me, as these jealous feelings plague me. I'm thinking of seeing a therapist sometime soon when my finances are back on track, but needed to find a way of dealing with this in the meantime...x

The more stuff I read by debaser_wolf the more I like her. She has wisdom beyond her years. Alas, if only I was 30 years younger. ('Course then I'd have pimples, a cracking voice, and, probably be wearing polyester again. Let's NOT go there.) (sigh)

Anyway, she's very right. Don't worry about who he looks at as long as he's GOING HOME with you. Men look at women. It's how we are built. It's part of our programing. We are VISUALLY stimulated. You think the first thing he noticed in you was your sparkling personality? lol!

Referring to courage, Mark Twain once said, "Courage is the rejection of fear. The mastery of fear. It is NOT the absense of fear." (or something like that)

Substitute 'security' for 'courage' and 'jealousy' for 'fear', and I think you'll get what I'm trying to say.

Don't worry about who he talks to. Save your emotions for when he comes home and says, "I don't love you anymore."

The more stuff I read by debaser_wolf the more I like her. She has wisdom beyond her years. Alas, if only I was 30 years younger. ('Course then I'd have pimples, a cracking voice, and, probably be wearing polyester again. Let's NOT go there.) (sigh)

aww, I'm flattered.

Yes, I have been cheated on before, countless times in the past.

I understand that my insecurities stem from those experiences. My BF and I have spoken about this many times. I do

know that it is in his personality to be very outgoing and friendly,as he was when we first met, but now i feel

uncomfortable with it as the relationship is progressing and feelings are growing. When we aren't together he

assures me everyday that he loves me, tells me how beautiful i am on a constant basis, sending me texts throughout

the day everyday and phone calls reassuring me of his love for me, but all that still isn't enough to satisfy me, as

these jealous feelings plague me. I'm thinking of seeing a therapist sometime soon when my finances are back on

track, but needed to find a way of dealing with this in the meantime...x

Your bf sounds great the way he periodically assures you throughout the day. You sound like you struggle very much with trying to subdue these feelings.

My bf has been cheated on in 2 out of 2 of his past relationships and gets extremely paranoid and jealous. It hasn't greatly affected our relationship though because whenever anything makes him too uncomfortable, he just gives me this look and I know that the situation is making him jealous.

If your bf has a hard time knowing when certain things make you jealous, you could develop a signal or something. That way, when he sees it, it'll let him know that you are feeling uncomfortable, and it gives him a chance to handle every situation right away and individually. Just a suggestion

Could tihs be a mismatch of personality? Some people by nature are a little more jealous than others...that type of personality has a tough time being relaxed around gregariuos flirtatious types.

If over time you can't feel more comfortable it might just be incompatibility. It isn't good for him to have to mask his personality and it's not right for you to feel pressure and uptight when he is being himself.

At the end of the day sometimes it is just a mismatch of personality types that lead to relationship troubles...hopefully that won't be the case here but if you just can't relax over time i wouldn't rule it out.

I know this sounds bad but it isn't his fault you were cheated on nor is it his fault you get jealous over things that might be harmless. It isn't your fault either that these things happen this way....it's just important to try not to make an SO pay for the sins of others and if he has to "govern" his behavior when with you over time he could become resentful of that. If we can't be who we are when with our SO's we might be with the wrong person.

I have always found that the person I am most comfortable with and whom i don't have to act differently around for fear of hurting them is usually a good gauge for how compatible i am with that person. Same thing on the flipside...if i am around a person who makes ME feel uncomfortable a lot that is another good gauge as to whether or not we are compatible.

Men look at women. It's how we are built. It's part of our programing. We are VISUALLY stimulated.

Yes, but the question is : why do you need to be stimulated by other women?

Yes, but the question is : why do you need to be stimulated by other women?

There are somethings innate to people that is not entirely controllable. They may not be able to control that they like to look but they CAN control their actions...some men don't control it and that is when its a problem.

Could tihs be a mismatch of personality? Some people by nature are a little more jealous than others...that type of personality has a tough time being relaxed around gregariuos flirtatious types.

Mismatch of personality. I think so . I just really want to give this relationship a chance, and if i wasnt in love with him, it would be so easy for me to leave and not have to deal with this. But he is trying, and i see changes, and i know its going to take some time, as he already told me, because he's been behaving this way all his life. Im willing to wait, but its what to do in the meantime when he occasionally slips and i start to feel jealous again. Im trying to find a way to deal with this right now to salvage the realationship, but i dont know how. Your right. It is very hard to relax when we are even doing normal things together, like watching tv, walking out and just talking.

Your bf sounds great the way he periodically assures you throughout the day. You sound like you struggle very much with trying to subdue these feelings.

He is very great in that way. I do find it very, very hard having to deal with this constantly on an almost day o day basis. I know its not his fault, even though i feel at the start of our relationship he contributed to these feelings of jealousy, as he was constantly hanging out with his ex and a certain female friend used to come hang out at his house, and even though i disapproved of it, it still continued, til i left him. Then we reconciled 2 months later and he has been a much better person than before. Completely. No mention of the ex anymore and no hanging out with other females, and thats how i conduct my relationships and he has gone along with it because he loves me. He knows we'll get along better without those type of outside influences. x