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Thread: Wants to know if I'm dating?????????

  1. #1
    Hollyj
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    Wants to know if I'm dating?????????

    My ex and I have decided to restore our friendship since the breakup breakup three-months ago.

    During our lengthy conversation last night, he seemed to show a great deal of interest in my current dating situation. I was trying to avoid the topic, but he kept pushing the issue saying that I was being evasive.

    My question is, why would the ex be interested in my current dating status??

  2. #2
    jettison

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    Probably because he wants to know just how inappropriate or out of line he'll be if he starts flirting with you again and regauging interest.
    Last edited by jettison; 01-16-2008 at 05:49 PM.

  3. 01-16-2008, 05:42 PM

  4. #3
    downward spiral
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    There are a multitude of reasons for this. My question is why remain friends, it will only cause heartache down the line. At least in my life it has. However, the reasoning for this is vast, have you moved on? If not, he may want to try to rekindle things, or he may just want some non committal sex. he may want to know if you have moved on and he hasnt that some guilt trip that you didnt care for him enough cause you already moved on. I mean, there are so many reasons why and you should be concerned with NONE of them. If he asks, you give him the truth whatever that may be. You are not bound to him by anything. Just be honest..

  5. #4
    Hollyj
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    I believe I have moved on. We were friends prior to the relationship, and had promised one another that we would be friends no matter the outcome.

    Re. the non-committal sex, no way! Plus, we're all or nothing kind of people, he wouldn't be interested in that situation, considering the intensity that we shared for one another.

    I was honest in my response, but it made me a bit uncomfortable, especially since he stated he had not dated since the breakup.

  6. #5
    downward spiral
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    Well, you were honest, now the rest is on him. You will notice of course any change in his behavior. You should never feel uncomfortable about your situation compared to anothers. You are you and your life is lived by you alone. Same with this guy.

  7. #6
    jettison

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollyj [Register to see the link]
    I believe I have moved on. We were friends prior to the relationship, and had promised one another that we would be friends no matter the outcome.

    Re. the non-committal sex, no way! Plus, we're all or nothing kind of people, he wouldn't be interested in that situation, considering the intensity that we shared for one another.

    I was honest in my response, but it made me a bit uncomfortable, especially since he stated he had not dated since the breakup.
    It's interesting that you mention the dating thing. I've noticed that most of my ex's always have an increase in interest once I'm either taken or they know I've been dating quite a bit. It never seems to fail. If you haven't been dating then, like you said, it would seem to place some kind of pressure or undue burden on the other person.

  8. #7
    emalkoc
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    Quote Originally Posted by jettison [Register to see the link]
    It's interesting that you mention the dating thing. I've noticed that most of my ex's always have an increase in interest once I'm either taken or they know I've been dating quite a bit. It never seems to fail. If you haven't been dating then, like you said, it would seem to place some kind of pressure or undue burden on the other person.
    would that be true if they are with someone else?

    My ex certainly asked so many questions indirectly to find out whether I am with someone or not....and, i am heavily dating of course..dates almost every nite..Even she saw me with a girl in a club 2.5mos ago...

    But she did not wanna even meet me yet...She is seeing someone for about 3 mos now, a LDR relationship. but serious enough that she visited him long distance and plan to visit again this year along with her brother...

  9. #8
    Hollyj
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    Jettison,

    So did they want to reestablish a relationship?

    He has nothing to feel guilty about, the relationship ended mutually. It was just strange to tell him I had been dating a bit, and then to find out he had not. Also stated, he still thinks of me frequently.

  10. #9
    jettison

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollyj [Register to see the link]
    Jettison,

    So did they want to reestablish a relationship?

    He has nothing to feel guilty about, the relationship ended mutually. It was just strange to tell him I had been dating a bit, and then to find out he had not. Also stated, he still thinks of me frequently.
    That has been the case for me twice in the past. I do think that some people can get in the habit of kind of shielding their ex's from their activity and this just isn't a good policy. Your ex telling you "I'm not dating anyone else" is kind of an open invitation to say "So I'm open to dating you". Why else would one say that?

    I remember that I started dating someone seriously only 3 months after my super long term relationship ended, and I didn't want to tell her I was dating again specifically because I didn't want her writing me letters, or coming after me, or telling me about her regrets. I was just really happy, and I didn't want to deal with her at all.

  11. #10
    Hollyj
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    Jettison,

    I guess I'm really naive! I guess I thought he was just telling the truth-sometimes I'm at a loss with others and their intentions. But, there was that little voice saying, why the hell is so interested in my dating situation?

    Perhaps you're right, and he is still interested in reestablishing a relationship or what ever, I don't know? We set up our first get-together next week, so I'll see where he tries to take it.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 01-17-2008 at 01:55 PM.

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