"you don't trust guys.. you will never forgive us.. whats the point?"

its been almost a year since i was cheated on. we had been dating for over 3 months and i found texts on his phone from his ex... a girl he had dated for 6 years in high school. he hadn't talked to her in years and didn't tell her about me. she lived up north and we live a good 30 hours south and he was trying to get her to move down here with him. without letting me know. who knows how far he would've taken it with me if i hadn't found those texts on his phone?

i broke up with him that night and it broke my heart. we had a wonderful thing going between the two of us. *(earlier in that same week, my best friend had moved away, i lost my job and my apartment. i was living with him when i found these texts and had to drive 30 minutes to a friends house at midnight to stay with her. it was one hell of a week...)* well- i broke it off with him but still saw him some lonely nights. until one day a few months later i found out he moved her down here...

needless to say... i was pissed. there were a few days where i angry texted him incessently to get my things back (just a few things that seem dumb but mean the world to me.. things from my old job... the last time, and i can still say this, that i was truly happy). well, she was getting upset that his ex was texting him and started talking to me. she said she had heard stories of what he had done to me and wanted to talk to me. this peaked my interest. was there more than what i knew?

i met up with her and she told me... when we were dating... everytime i went up north to visit my family, he cheated on me... which was a good 4-5 times. while i was with him, i never suspected a thing like this. yet he pulled it off... with his roommate. a girl i always felt uncomfortable around but didn't know why. i've since cut him out of my life... but i haven't been able to shake the fact that i had been betrayed by not only him, but all of his roommates as well. people i thought were my friends.

i've dated since him. i had one relationship that ended when i found out he was married (yea, i have a knack for finding creeps...). this didn't help my trust with guys. and the other one just ended after two weeks because he said.. and i quote "you don't trust guys.. you will never forgive us.. whats the point?"

how does one regain trust after this? i hate being alone.. i don't want to wait for time to heal all wounds. i'm 21... i should be thoughtlessly dating guys and enjoying myself. but i simply can't anymore.

Well the last guy that said that to you was obviously not worth your time if he'd give up that easily.

It's going to be hard for you to regain trust. There are a lot of bad apples out there - you just have to dig through them until you find a shiny one. That's what dating is all about.

You said it yourself: Time heals all wounds - there is no quick fix. You'll be alright though - just think of it as a learning experience.

thank you.. what you said about that last guy really really helps

Hey,

I have a hard time trusting guys as well because I've been cheated on too. It sucks, doesn't it? My ex is currently with the girl he cheated with...but whatever. I have trusted some guys, but those guys were just my friends. I get a bad vibe from some guys, especially the jock looking ones. Try becoming friends with them first, and then see if you're interested. Ask them questions...even tricky ones, which can be cruel...For example, I was talking to this one guy on msn...Oh, by the way, I hate the guys who just go out with girls to get laid...so this is how I went about it:

Me: Hey

Him: Hey Babe

Me: So, are you interested in one night stands

Him: YA! For sure, haha

Me: Good, because I've lost interest. Good day.

Was it mean of me? Maybe, but I found out what type of guy he was...and that's that...

You just have to ask tricky questions without them knowing what you're REALLY asking...Because if you ask a question straightforward, they could lie to you, right?

what you are going through must be hard!! a friend of mine is going through what you are kind of. she found out the guy lied not only about his name, but also that he was married. she dated him 7 months and just found out he was married. anyway if you need any further perspective on how to deal with this PM me! Hang in there!!

Give this a try. When hooking up with guys instead of looking for a relationship right off the bat, just go out and look for some fun and have a good time. If you happen to meet a guy that you have a good time with you could look into that. Try not to have the emotional attachment right away. Have fun with the guys as you would your girl friends, in the sense that you do non girly things. If you know what i mean.

Not sure how helpful this advice is seeing as how I'm not a girl and have next to no idea how girl emotions work. If i knew that I'd be set for life.