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Thread: Didn't answer his calls, now what?

  1. #1
    roxy79
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    Didn't answer his calls, now what?

    I've post a few times since my breakup. BF broke up with me about 2 weeks ago...going on week 3. We hadn't really talked much until xmas. Then we started talking and texting each other and it actually felt normal and I felt good. We did speak the day after xmas and I broke down and got upset on the phone. We did sort of end the conversation on a good note, I had told him all the things that had happened within the past two weeks that he didn't know about (getting a new job, starting school. etc).

    He called me 4 times Thursday night and 2 times Friday. His last voicemail was very irritating because he kinda gave me an ulimadium. He said "well this is my last time trying to call you before I leave for my trip. if you dont call in the next hr, then I guess I'll talk to you when I get back." I still didnt' return his call cause I know it would be the same ol BS, me getting upset and him getting mad.

    My question: I haven't heard from him since. I know he is out camping, and there is a possibility he does not have any service where he is. Though it's hard for me to believe that he'd go an entire week without checking his phone and/or email. (he works constantly). Which is why I'm leaning to believe he's ignoring me. I did send him a text saying I attempted to call but it went straight to voicemail.

    Just trying to get people's thoughts. I am mailing a box of his stuff off today. I was originally going to wait for him to send my stuff, but I'd rather be done with it sooner than later. I tend to feel bad after I talk with him, which is why I didn't answer his calls. It's almost like too much damage has been done and everything he says, adds to the wounds. I think we have reached a "point of no return." Which is why I'm wondering if I should ever talk to him again.


  2. #2
    hmdreamer7
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    I tend to feel bad after I talk with him, which is why I didn't answer his calls.
    This is one of those reasons why NC is a good idea after a breakup. Why talk to him when you know that it's just going to make you feel worse afterward? As hard as it sometimes seems, you should try to get your mind off what he's doing or thinking, and really start to focus on yourself. I don't think her deserves anymore of your time right now.

    Sure, there is the chance that you may never talk to him again, but at this point you definitely don't want to talk to him. You are both still hurting from the break up and will need more time to heal. Just give it more time.

    As for his stuff well, if it bothers you too much to hold onto it while you wait for your stuff, I'd just go ahead and send it. I think getting your stuff back at this point isn't as important as just getting that time alone to yourselves. Somewhere down the road of NC (i'm not sure when :\), if you haven't gotten your stuff back, try calling him again or maybe send him an email if you don't want to talk to him directly, and let him know you'd like to have your things back.

  3. #3
    roxy79
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    But will I end up looking like the jerk if I don't answer his calls? He's manipulative and he'll somehow find a way to turn it around on me and say "well I tried calling you a million times but you didn't answer...." Eventhough I don't want to talk to him for the reason that I feel bad about myself afterwards. I'm convinced he'll still figure out a way to blame me for my own good intentions.

    If he continues to contact me, should I send him an email saying exactly why I'm not contacting him, and inform him that I need more time. I want to be fair and civil about the situation. And I do feel, if he continues that I should at least tell him WHY I have been ignoring him. That's seems like the "right" and adult thing to do....

  4. #4
    hmdreamer7
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    It does seem like the adult thing to do, but it's definitely not cool for him to play games with you and make YOU feel bad in anyway. You're right to say that he's manipulative if he makes you feel badly, and I think you are the victim and not the 'jerk' if he expects you to answer your calls when you clearly don't want to talk to him. Don't worry, you don't look like a jerk. You're broken up, and he shouldn't be calling you (or vice versa).

    By calling him back/answering his calls, you end up giving him the upper hand. So I say don't do any of those things, and delete his voicemails before you listen to them. The less you hear him, the less you'll feel bad. Don't give him the chance to blame you for anything!

  5. #5
    CatsMeeoow
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    Sounds like you are a very smart girl and giving yourself (and him) some breathing room.

    He'll call again...

    In the meantime figure out what you want - is it him? is it him but you feel things need to change?

    Decide what is best for you and then when he comes round again you'll be equiped to handle it!

    Best Wishes!

  6. #6
    roxy79
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    I really think the relationship is "too far gone" to even try to rebuild. He has done and said so many hurtful things, that I dont think I am capable of forgetting or forgiving. I just feel it will be easier to move on, if I don't talk to him. He really should have no reason to call me anyhow. He's the one who ended things. I'm convinced once I mail off his box of stuff today, I'll breathe a little easier. He is suppose to return from his trip Frida and I'm just going to do my best to not be around or be available so I won't even have to wonder or worry if he's going to call.

    I just really don't want to look like the "bad" guy. And I know what it feels like to have someone ignore your calls. But maybe when he comes home to a box of his stuff, he'll realize I'm taking the breakup seriously and I'm moving on.

  7. #7
    DN

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    I am a little puzzled - if you don't return his calls how can he be ignoring you? Sending a text like that doesn't really mean a response. It just seems like you are trying to manipulate him into constantly calling you.

    I think you need to decide what you want from this guy and tell him that if he can't provide it you will neither accept calls from him or call him.

    But ignoring calls and expecting him to keep calling will not serve you.
    Last edited by DN; 12-31-2007 at 01:13 PM.

  8. #8
    Clabs
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    Hey roxy

    You won't look like the bad guy for ignoring contact from him. You are doing this to protect yourself - from him making you feel worse again.

    At the end of the day, he ended things with you. He doesn't get a say in how you are best going to deal with this.

    You will hear from him again - that is for sure, but you need to ignore him if you truly want this over and done with. He will likely be cross and angry at you when you don't respond so be prepared for a bit of fall out in that department.

    Take care of yourself darling.

    Mark

  9. #9
    roxy79
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    I was puzzled by his continued calls Thursday night and Friday. It was my decision to not answer the calls at the time cause I didn't feel like getting upset or even discussing ANYTHING with him at the time. I figured if whatever it was was sooooooooo important to him, that he TOLD me to call him back within the hour, then I figure, he would have attempted to get ahold of me since then, which is hasn't.

    I did try calling him back yesterday, but it went straight to vm. Which is why I sent him the text saying I had tried to call. I felt a little bad that I hadn't returned his call (in the timely manner that he requested), so I attempted to reach him... with no luck obviously.

    I am by no means trying to maniuplate him into constantly calling me. I find it odd, that when I would call him and he wouldn't answer, he'd get upset with me for calling so much, yet he turns around and does the same exact then. Part of me also thinks that he might be able to jump back into and out of my life, whenever he pleases, because he knows how much I love him. In short, I want to be strong about this. I don't want to be weak. I don't want to cry anymore. I want to show him that I don't need his BS anymore and that I'm not going to put up with it.

  10. #10
    DN

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    Ignoring calls for whatever reason is always going to annoy people and it always looks manipulative even if you didn't mean it that way. Perception is reality for people. And just as you are now assuming he is ignoring you to annoy you he probably thought the same thing.

    If you didn't want to talk to him you could have sent a text saying "I don't want to talk right now as I need time to think - I will call you in a couple of days" or something similar. That way he knows what is happening.

    You can't communicate properly by not communicating.

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