Why's it as though some of us guys compete for who is the most unsucessful with women

I've only noticed this with guys, girls (who are unsucessful with guys obviously) don't seem to do it.

You know, sometimes I even take some sort of a twisted pride when explaining how bad I am at getting women, or when giving out a stat like I'm still a virgin at 31, or that I've never even attracted a women before. Anyone of you guys experience this?

well there could be a few thing:

-the guy is mature enough and humorous enough to make fun of himself and have a laugh about it and shrug it off

-the guy is expressing his concern to his friends "indirectly"

-the guy is looking for indirect sympathy

-the guy is looking for solutions

-the guy is looking for "approval" through laughter

-the guy wants to be confirmed at times that "it happens"

-the guy is plain frustrated inside and feelin like giving up

-the guy feels that this "pride" is special

the list goes on and on...

-maybe you hope that someone out there is "worse" off then you.

-you figure you might as well turn something you felt bad about into something good and see the humor in it or see the positive side of it..

I do things like the above posters have mentioned. I turn something I hate and don't enjoy into a joke so it doesn't seem so bad. If I'm rubbish at something I wanna be good at I laugh it off, and other things along those lines. Though I've never done it about my lacking conquests.

And also with the comment about it bieng and indirect thing, I think to a certain extent it can be that too. I'll stop now because I feel like a councillor...

I don't do it as a joke.

To clarify, I'm talkng about it being on message boards like this, not offline in real life.

well how do u feel when u do it on these online message boards?

well how do u feel when u do it on these online message boards?

Like I said, proud, for some twisted reason.

I also used to make a lot of topics about how much of a loser I am with women, it made me feel better. I don't know if it was because I was wining and getting it off my chest, whether it was the pride thing again, or what. I don't bother doing it now though because I'm just bored of it.

maybe you felt good getting attention for it? and that made it pleasurable..

maybe you felt good getting attention for it? and that made it pleasurable..

I don't think that was it.

I don't think that was it.

in what way did you feel pleasure? maybe you remember the feeling and thouhts runnin thru your head while posting and receiving replies.

you know? i honestly think its because u feel u can be free to express these "concerns" on these message boards...so you feel good about getting it off your chest without fear of judgements

in what way did you feel pleasure? maybe you remember the feeling and thouhts runnin thru your head while posting and receiving replies.

Thinking about it more, I remember there were a lot of times where I wasn't feeling down about my situation at all, but the idea of making the topics still felt like something I'd enjoy doing. So it wasn't always about sitting there feeling depressed and whining, so I'm not sure if it could be about getting it off my chest.

I knew though that the more grim I could explain my situation, the better it made me feel.

you want to be associated as 'that guy'? the guy that 'doesn't get any chicks'?

don't you want to feel like the guy that used to be like that and turned it all around?

you want to be associated as 'that guy'? the guy that 'doesn't get any chicks'?

I guess. Even the thought of the neighbours realising that something is seriously wrong with me, them asking me why, and me telling them 'women just aren't attracted to me' feels good, especially if I imagine it happening when I'm even older like at 40 or 50, which means the situation is even worse. (Although in reality I would feel really embarrased as well which wouldn't be good)

Maybe it makes me feel 'special'?

Or maybe I think that people will feel so much frustration, that they'll do anything to convince me that I can atctually attract a woman, like come up with proof (which I'd love so much), and/or help me out, like I'll be rescued? You know I think that this is what it might be.

don't you want to feel like the guy that used to be like that and turned it all around?

I'd like that to be a reality yes. But I don't want to feel like that if it isn't true.

couldn't guess at this one. Maybe spend your time and efforts making steps towards becoming successful rather than posting about lack of success would be a good idea...sounds like wasted energy to me.

I don't know the whys ilovepoems but you are right. There is a commiserating club of guys who can't get women who love to almost argue with each other as to who has the bigger plight. I never understood it....

"Or maybe I think that people will feel so much frustration, that they'll do anything to convince me that I can atctually attract a woman, like come up with proof (which I'd love so much), and/or help me out, like I'll be rescued? You know I think that this is what it might be."

Man, one thing I have learned in life is that if you wait around to be helped or rescued, well, let's just say chances are it ain't gonna happen. Everyone has their own life, busy lives, and the only person that has the time and energy to help you is you.

Take the chance and make the efforts. Bottom line beyond all this is that most of the conversations you will have in real life (in real life, not on here)you are describing are "downers", and not many people enjoy talking with the Eeyore "woe is me" types. Much better to be talking about working through stuff to change the things you would like to change.

I don't think I've ever described the conversations I have in real life on here. Anyway, I don't think they're all downers.

you have to stop putting yourself down so much. it's just so glum. you have to have the attitude 'i'm going to make myself better. and i'm going to try.' and don't walk out the door saying 'welp, i tried.'

I will say this ilovepoems. The difference between unattractive guys (this is your definition, not mine as i don't even know what you look like) who don't get women and unattractive guys who do get women is the unattractive guys who DO are not on forums arguing with other guys who think they are unattractive over who is the biggest loser on the dating scene.

Even if you say you only do that on forums you have to realize that talking on a forum is still creating a mindset in your head. And it is a negative mindset to do this. You won't tell me that there is no way that when you guys do have these doom and gloom convos on the Net that it does not affect your mood in "real life". Beacuse it does. Words are powerful no matter where they are spoken.

I will say this ilovepoems. The difference between unattractive guys (this is your definition, not mine as i don't even know what you look like) who don't get women and unattractive guys who do get women is the unattractive guys who DO are not on forums arguing with other guys who think they are unattractive over who is the biggest loser on the dating scene.

 

Even if you say you only do that on forums you have to realize that talking on a forum is still creating a mindset in your head. And it is a negative mindset to do this. You won't tell me that there is no way that when you guys do have these doom and gloom convos on the Net that it does not affect your mood in "real life". Beacuse it does. Words are powerful no matter where they are spoken.

True. But for me it's the other way around, I already have that mindset, and that's what shows on forums.

The thing about good looking young girls is that they don't give a flying fridge about you. For each want to be boyfriend theres going to be about 7 more in the line up.

True. But for me it's the other way around, I already have that mindset, and that's what shows on forums.

And only YOU can turn this around.

If you are more positive on forums about your dating efforts than perhaps that will spill over in your "real" world.

You do control your thoughts, not vice versa.

This is a good a place as any to complain about women.

Personally I don't like how they're so sexy, yet refuse to have sex with me.

You can complain all you want CP. I am responding to ilovepoems because I believe he has a real desire to turn his luck around. It doesn't seem like he is enjoying wallowing in self pity and does have the desire to try to change his plight.