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Thread: The Narcissist Dating M.O. post-breakup

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2007

    The Narcissist Dating M.O. post-breakup

    I'm writing this only because I'm so appalled at my soon-to-be-ex's behavior that I needed some forum to talk about how horrified I am.

    I should have expected no less, but my not-quite ex-husband has initiated a new relationship and is demonstrating the IDENTICAL behaviors that he did with me. I realize that what he is doing is sick, and that this is not a case of wanting him back or any sort of sour grapes....but it's demoralizing, and I feel like I am so replaceable....and irrelevant to our marriage.

    He sucked some poor woman from Match into his awful game.....and is now in the process of replacing me with her (it's been less than four weeks since I left)---the part that rankles me is that he is telling her the same things he told me...."You are so unique and warm and special" ...."Everything between us is effortless and I can't believe how lucky I am to have you walk into my life" ...and then the kicker was....He sent her the poem that he wrote for me on our wedding day...verbatim. My stepdaughters are horribly confused and upset.....he insisted that they meet her today, on Christmas day...and included her in their dinner plans. My older stepdaughter called me crying and upset and at a loss as to how she's supposed to feel about this.

    I know he's a narcissist and needs to have his supply in his daily diet, and i know how lucky I am to be free of this sick cycle....but it still hurts to see that I meant nothing to him. He still sends me emails telling me that he's 'broken-hearted" and will "never recover" from losing me, and that he has NO IDEA what broke us up....

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    what DID break you up?

  3. #3
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    I feel for you and it's a good thing that you are done with him. It sounds like he will continue to repeat the same cycle and she will eventually realize this. I know it's hard that you seem irreplaceable and that is awful, especially during a break-up. but people do weird things when tehy are hurting. many people jumpt right into dating after a breakup/divorce because they are afraid to be alone or need a rebound or the fact that he needs someone to fill the emptiness right now. or, he could be doing this to hurt you? b/c he knows that you will find out through your stepdaughters? who knows why he's doing what he does, but if he really is a narcissist, he won't understand that his behavior is destructive and he's operating on his need for attention and admiration from another...yes endless supply of attention. I'm so sorry you are going through this and that your stepdaughters are upset and confused too.

  4. #4
    Member Pinkbunny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    wow. this seems really tough. Feeling so replacable is an awful feeling but the truth you are not replacable. There's nobody in the world like you. You are unique and special. I'm glad you got away from him and I'm not sure how you could explain his behavior to your step daughters. Try to not take his new relationship personal. He's a narcissist and is not capable of loving anyone but himself.

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