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I feel like I'm in my friends' shadows


girlie219

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I'm a 23 year old female and when I was at school I was really quiet, I had a nice group of friends but by myself I could probably be described as being difficult to talk to.

 

Since then I've been to university and come out of my shell, however, I am now back living in the same town where I lived when I was at school. I see a lot of people out and about who I knew from school when I am with friends, but they don't seem to want to talk to me...they would rather talk to my friends.

 

I feel like I'm more out of my shell but its almost that when I'm around people I used to know I feel like I am in my friend's shadows once again so I become shy once again. When I meet up with people from work or friends from university I feel fine in that respect. It's almost like when I'm with friends from school I expect to be in their shadows so I just go along with it. Does anyone understand what I mean?

 

How would I get out of this? I'm seeing a lot of my friends from school at the moment. Do you think it may be best to make more new friends?

 

Has anyone else had similar experiences?

 

Thanks for reading

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Well, either you become more assertive when hanging out with your friends in town, or forget about them and become better friends with your uni and work friends where you already do feel assertive. Just do whatever causes you the least stress.

 

And yes, it's easy to fall back into old habits and ways when around the same people who influenced you to act as such.

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I think people should be open to making new friends. It's good for your personal growth. Maybe you need a few more friends like yourself. You probably do great one-on-one, but just get a bit intimidated when you're in a group, am I right? I recently went to a party and ended up talking with this one gal for most of the time! Like me, she's quiet. Now I'm thinking we could get to be better friends in the future.

 

About feeling like you're in people's shadows, that's not a comfortable feeling (I know from experience!). My advice is to speak up more and have an attitude of "fun." Just think, you're there (with them) to have fun, so make sure YOU are having fun. It's an attitude that people respond to.

 

Also, try and spend less time with those people. If they don't take an interest in you, it's not in your best interest to hang out with them a lot. You could be out making new friends instead. Good luck!

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