5yrs of torment but i wont leave. WHYYYYYYYYYY

why cant i leave my relationship? i feel like dying without that twit. even though he tries to throw me out every 2-3wks...

he's never slapped me or punched me...but he's shoved me around pretty hard. grabbed me, pinned me against the wall and screamed on me...broke things around the house...made holes in the walls....broke a couple of my things... overly jealous... as in like... "hello psycho how are u" type of jealous.....

i feel like its hard for him to see certain things logically. he gets stressed easily and starts to nit pick and blame everyone for everything. he likes to point and accuse....he also makes me feel like im frkng nuts. honestly... i feel like im going crazy. literally.

today - he kissed me and hugged me and told me how much he loved me... said i was his world and he loved me so much.. blah blah blah...

3hrs later he's screaming at me that i just want to use his cars and barricaded himself behind one of the trucks so i couldnt go to work in it. he wanted me to use one of the smaller older cars with a tire nearly flat... he said i didnt deserve to be seen in the nice trucks he has. he was upset cuz i accuse him of "putting his hands on my daughter" ***my 6yr old was tracing the wall with her fingers... he swatted her hand off the wall and told her not to do that...she's not his daughter...but it bothered her enough to tell me... he's also a bit heavy handed so i suspect that he 'swatted' her rough...*** i firmly said to him to never lay a hand on her and if he wants to discipline her that he do so with words. he flipped out on this comment and told me that i need to get out.. me and him are over... i dont know how to be a mom blah blah blah.

i work overnights so my daughter is still adjusting to this. i told her she can keep the housephone in her room while im at work and if she wakes up at nigh to call me... he went ballistic and accused me of spoiling her and he demanded that i take the phone from her room or else he would. i ended up taking the phone out... i didnt want to but he was arguing too much and i was afraid the other kids (his sons) would pick up on it.

im a flipping moron. i feel pathetic. i feel confused. i feel hurt. i feel stupid. i feel like throwing up.

i know i wont leave him i just know it. but i also know that i want to. part of it is cause im frkng broke. no money, no car no nothing. i gave it all to him and this damn house.

im such an idiot. and i hate myself. i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself.

Okay...first you need to get ahold of yourself. Don't hate yourself...hate the situation you're in. You've taken an important step in realizing you're in a bad situation. He sounds unstable and I personally would be concerned about leaving my six year old alone with him all night while I was at work...I wonder why he went ballistic about you allowing her to have the phone in her room, that seems unreasonable and it really concerns me. You also said that he "swatted" her rough...that is not acceptable, don't you agree?

Is this an environment that you want to raise your daughter in? She's already spoken to you about, so it is definitely having an effect on her.

It doesn't matter that he hasn't punched or slapped you; he has shoved you, grabbed you, pinned you against walls and been verbally demeaning to you. You are being abused. I'm not quite understanding why you say you know you will never leave him, but you want to. What is stopping you? I believe that you know you need to get out of this situation in order to create a stable and loving home for your daughter. Now, you need to take necessary the steps to make the move. You said that you are working, but have no money. Are you giving your weekly cheques to him and does he have control over the finances? You must find a hotline in your area for abused women and get some information and counsel from them as to what resources are available to you.

No woman needs to stay in a situation like this. You are stronger than you think you are....years of being berated and demeaned by someone can whittle away at your self-esteem to the point where you feel useless and weak, bt you aren't. Remember that...you are strong and you can turn your life around. Tens of thousands of women have gotten themselves out of abusive situations and you have the strength and intelligence to do it too. You've just forgotten how capable you are. Please take the steps to protect your daughter and youself. Don't wait. The next time it could be much worse.

RN, if you can't leave for yourself then leave for your daughter. Do you really want your daughter to grow up in this environment? It is not a healthy one. Children live what they learn and right now she's learning that the way he treats you is acceptable. So guess what time of person the man of her dreams will likely be? That's right. An abusive one. That's considered normal to her or to be expected.

Do not hate yourself. Do not sit there and wallow in self-pity. I know that it hurts but you can get out of this situation. Even if you are broke there are places you can call for help. Nobody has to be treated this way. Now is not the time to look at HOW you got here. Counseling later can help you with that. This is the time to figure out HOW you're going to get OUT of this situation and you can. Just do it.

Don't sit there and make excuses for this man. He doesn't slap you BUT he pushes you around, yells at you, controls your life and treats you like a pet. You deserve much better than that but only you can change it. The question is will you?

Sharifah

reading this made me have chill bumps.

please leave.

The reason he tries to be nice to you and tells you that he needs you is because he realizes that you are a strong person... he realizes that you CAN leave him. but he puts you on a rope because he NEEDS you (not for love) but for someone he can have control over.

please leave for the sake of your daughter.. you dont want her to see what he does to you... and you dont want her to be a victim of his abuse either.

men like this tend to get worse... once they realize "hey, im pretty mean to her, and she takes it. Maybe i can be MORE mean?"

you dont want him to think this way. you need to get out.

God has someone out there for you. Someone that will treat you like the great woman that you are.. and he will treat your daughter like a princess.

this wonderful man is out there looking for you.

Wont you go find him?

Please?

You need a good pep talk, and to know that his behavior has a name. Most people do not know all the covert, hidden things that abusers do without any words, fall under the heading of Verbal Abuse. YOU MUST RUN to get Patricia Evans' books about Verbal Abuse. It will encourage you in GIANT ways, and give you strength to call the shots YOURSELF. I kept waiting for her to tell me to get out and do this, or do that, but it addressed the more important issues first -like knowing the whys and hows that caused me to be in this situation to begin with, and ALWAYS made it clear that I was experiencing HIS abusive behavior. It's not You, my dear, IT'S HIM. Get those books at the library, or buy them. They will change your life, and the legacy you leave with your children.

Rise up.

Anita

Yes, the why is the big question. I think what it comes down to (least for me) is low self esteem coupled with the insidious nature of abuse. It creeps up so slowly over time and then, before you know it, you are in deep and wonder what the hell happened. I still reel when I think about how I allowed myself to be treated by my formerly abusive BF. A year ago today I was a week away from spending the day in the ER. He drove me crazy. I had NO boundaries and really found myself in a heck of a situation. The people in this forum were INCREDIBLY patient with me and I will forever be grateful for that. It took what it took for things to finally end. I'm somewhat embarrassed to say it was another decent guy showing some interest in me that helped get me over the hurdle. He's history now, but he was there for a reason.

If you are an RN (?) you have some really good and in demand job skills, which tells me you are not someone who cannot get back up on her feet, although it may be very hard. There are shelters you can go to and, depending on the shelter, you could possibly arrange for care while you go to work at night (we used to allow other mothers to watch other mom's kids while they were working. It was a small shelter I worked at and I bet even the bigger ones have more resources). This would allow you to save up some money and get back on your own feet and finally away from him.

As far as your daughter goes...please leave for her sake if for no other reason. I really worry about the impact this guy is going to have on her.