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Quick question. I'm at college now and I'm 19 years old. My girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me in October. She told me that she couldn't do the distance anymore and she wanted to experience high school. She is 16 years old (17 soon) and a junior in high school. She has experiencing a vast array of different guys, some who are completely not her type. I did the typical begging and pleading with her initially to find out what went wrong. Now, I just let her initiate contact with me. Last week, she was contacting me everyday of the week online and even called me at 12 AM to be the first to say happy birthday. She hasn't contacted me since Saturday. She has been trying to make me jealous by putting things in her online profile with other guys names and even blocking me on facebook/myspace. I can honestly say that I did everything for her and she was completely in love with me when I was around home full-time. There was never a moment when we weren't together. The relationship was always fresh. Maybe she ended it since my influence was not around full-time anymore?

 

Winter break starts Friday for me and I will be home for 5 weeks. How should I approach to getting her back?

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How should I approach to getting her back?

 

Don't approach it at all.

 

Odds are you will get over this girl in time. How long that takes depends on how long you continue to try/think/scheme ways to get her back.

 

If by the rare chance, your one of those couples that get back together...it will happen when you've moved on (more then you have now).

 

For xmas break, I'd go out and see my HS friends, have fun, relax, hang with the family etc.

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Relax and leave her alone...

 

I remember being 16... more than likely she'll contact you while you are home. Then you can make the decision if you want to spend time with her or if you are too busy...

 

Right now your lives are in two different places... She's 16 and wants to get the most out of high school... that isn't going to happen with a bf in college.

 

If you love her let her grow up a bit.

 

Good luck!

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You do not need to waste your college years worrying about getting this girl back. You are in college!!!! So many beautiful and interesting women out there man!

 

Some advice was given to me when I was a sophomore by a guy who had graduated when I was a freshman. He was visiting the alma mater during Homecoming and pulled me aside, is poetic and deep words:

"Never again in your life will you have access to so many quality women with which you have so much in common. Now that I am out I realize my mistake. Rootcause43, do not make the same mistake I did and not take advantage of this situation."

 

Makes me cry just thinking about this.....

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rootcause, that's an awesome quote! You tend to forget that fact while you're in college, especially when you're hung up on one girl.

 

Even now I think about it...yeah, there were LOTS of girls in college and now that I'm out, I wish I was back for that reason alone.

 

But I wasted that time on a girl that ended up feeling nothing for me.

 

Still, that's the way it worked out. I can't change it now...

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I am keeping my options open and meeting a lot of girls. I just miss that one special girl who I had a deep bond with.

 

That's normal...

 

But, try to think of it from her end... she is just 16... high school are such glory years... let's face it... have you ever had so much drama in your life?

 

You'll have a hard time with this concept but in high school it was all so life and death! I didn't show up ANYWHERE without being fully glamourized. Let's face it what other responsibilities did you have back then? NONE! It was all about so and so and getting this or that.

 

God - I went to college and I didn't even shower for that 7:30am three hour chem lab or the semester I got stuck with a 7:30am Sat math class. LOL! Life starts to change when you mature and realize things like electric bills and college loans.

 

She's not there yet and I know how much you miss her but she deserves her chance to all these things. She will grow and mature and be a better person. If you keep her trapped where she is now one day you'll wake up and realize how much you've grown past her and leave her in the dust.

 

Maybe she'll reconnect with you at some point but you really need to give her time to grow up a bit without you.

 

My heart goes out to you. It really does. Don't contact her. I stand by my feelings in that she will contact you when you are home for break.

 

Hang in there!

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i have a very similar situation to you. But my girlfriend is in college, but she basically gave me the same reasons. She was scared to death of me leaving her during college. And i tryed to tell her we would be fine. We can make it if we try. All the stuff. Then after her first 2 weeks, she was done with me and a month later she had a new bf.

 

So, i guess ill have to see what happens over winter break. Since she doesn't have car yet (I guess that shows her immaturity.) So she will be stuck at home alone.

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CatsMeeowww,

 

I definitely agree with you on all of your points. And you have truly helped me feel better about everything. Now it seems like she is talking to a new type of guy every week. It has went from the hick farmer boy, to the quiet kid, to the wannabe sports kid, to now, the emo-type kid. This kid is apparently a druggie and has many piercing, including a lip ring. Absolutely repulsive, but she finds him cute. I am the polar opposite of this character. She is an extremely athletic, attractive young lady with outstanding grades. And I want her to realize that I'm the best type for her. Deep down she knows that. I've always been there for her. Never cheated, never lied, never deceived, even was willing to go to college and maintain a relationship with her. Thats how strongly I feel about her.

 

In high school, I guess that I was the typical star athlete. I was a baseball and football star. I played on one of the best travel baseball teams. I finished in the top 5% of my graduating class. I know that she loved that about me and my overall confidence. Her and I just look right together.

 

I guess that I did not go through a "rebelling" stage. I never really got caught up in the party scene. I really don’t need that stuff to have a good time. I'm more of a strong personality type and I really don't let outside things influence me.

I think I grew up a lot going to college. I’m self dependant even more now. I have always gotten good grades, but I went to public school so it was always for free. Now that it’s costing $15,000 to further my education, it’s a lot of responsibility on my part to get good grades so I don’t waste my parents’ hard-earned money.

 

But I agree, I need to let her grow up. I've been focusing on school a lot and my grades are outstanding. I'm going to let her breathe. I need to breathe. But I think the path to redemption between her and I just needs time. She does do things to try to make me jealous. Like putting these guys in her online profile.

 

I hope you are right about break contact. We will see. I will keep you updated. Thanks again.

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gnarly,

 

She is playing a sport and has a job. I also know that she has a family friend from the Midwest coming up to visit. He is her age and is coming for a week. I think she is doing most of these things to make me jealous. During the summer, she always used to complain to me telling me how annoying this kid was, now he is coming to visit. So I know that she that isn't going to be cooped up all the time. I plan on working a lot as well and seeing my friends and new girls. I would love to see her though.

 

With your situation, I don't think girls can live without the attention. At least one's from 16-20 years old. They seem to always need someone around. The majority of them at least. Let her go out and experience college and maybe she will realize that she left a great thing behind. And come back. I guess that it is better if they go and experience things now, before you get even deeper in.

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Yeah, i gotta let her explore. She was a pretty sheltered girl. She never really went anywhere. If she wanted to go someone, usually i had to drive.

 

This will turn out to be a good thing for both of us, i just hope she doesn't screw up her college education in the meantime. She has mentioned to me her grades are not really good. Her new boyfriend isn't what i would call the great student. Much like the guy in your situation i would guess. He has earings and whatever. I guess i am much like you, a good student and overall good guy i would say. She just has to figure out what she wants in her life. I went above and beyond for her alot of the times. I actually went out and brought her to look at colleges because her family couldn't help her with that.

 

The moral of the story is, if you treated her well. She will know it. Maybe not right away, but after she goes to see if the grass is greener, she will realize how good you were to her.

 

 

 

** just wanted to add.. i wouldn't want to be with her if she was always craving to see what else is out there. That isn't healthy for a relationship either.

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Last night was also pretty weird. I was online and she sent me an IM immediately as she signed online saying "When are you coming home?" I said, "Friday" and she was like "Oh Okay" and I was like "Why", and she said "I have people coming up to visit me and I was just wondering" and I said "Cool". The conversation ended like that though.

 

Any thoughts?

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Interesting development the last two days.

 

My ex girlfriend contacted me last night about a prescription drug and it's side effects. She made it sound like she was really afraid because she'll have to give blood and she doesn't like needles. She was looking for comfort from me and I did my best to give it to her.

 

So today, I got back home from school. I noticed that this new guy she's talking to had her name with a heart next to it on his myspace. So I texted her and asked her about it. I asked her if she had a boyfriend, she said no, but that she is talking with this guy and really likes him (she's known him for a week). So I didn't respond to that. A few minutes later, she texted me again telling me to come visit her at work tonight. I told her maybe.

 

By chance, I had to take a drug test for a job and I was passing by her work. So I took the test and then I stopped in.

 

(She works at a supermarket). I grabbed a soda and went to her line. (I haven't seen her since our breakup 2 months ago). As soon as she saw me, she lit up like a Christmas tree. Smiling from ear to ear. She waved for me to come over and talked to her. She complimented me on my new body. I've lost weight and I've been lifting a lot. So I look more cut. She asked me what I was doing tonight and I told her just hanging with my family. And she told me that she was going out (with that guy). So she asked me what I was doing tomorrow and I was like, eh, not that much. Then she said that she had to work tomorrow, but would want to hang out afterwards. Tomorrow is supposed to be a family day for her and her family. So she told me that she is going to try to get out of it, but if worst comes to worst, I would go with them (I'm extremely close with that family).

 

Any thoughts or advice? I am wondering what she is doing tonight. I know that I am on her mind and I definitely think I re-dug up some old feelings. Our conversation was great and like old times. I'm just not going to push her for the relationship again. That will happen on its own.

 

Thoughts?

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I wouldn't go out with her next time this situation comes up. She's feeling you out to see if she can still have you. Your her safety net.

 

She's going out with other guys, and your still hanging around. Don't let her. You don't have to be rude to her or mean to her, but you don't have to be there for her either, and that includes comforting her about whatever issue she may have.

 

She knows she can go right back to you and as long as she knows that, she never will. That doesn't mean the vice versa is true, but this path def. won't help your cause.

 

You need to make her think your moving on and the best way to do that is to actually start moving on. Plan on never being with her again. If it happens, it happens....and great...but it's not going to happen until you start moving on.

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I think you are right. She did text me on Saturday saying that we should hang out today (Monday). and I told her that I would check my work schedule and let her know. I never told her that I was free today. She did text me yesterday afternoon just saying "Hi" and I responded back to her saying "Hi" maybe 30 minutes later and she never replied.

 

If she really wanted to hang out today, she would have asked me again last night and she didn't. I have been moving on. I went out a date Saturday night and hung out with this other girl today. I don't think she knew about it. I plan to go out on dates with other girls. I purposely don't put it in my away message or online profile like she does. She basically flaunts it when she is on the phone with a guy by leaving an away message saying "phoneee with a boyyyyyy" or "i love so and so" or "going to his house

 

What should I do to get her a little jealous or even uneasy?

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I'd just tell her you never heard back from her so you made other plans in cases like that.

 

Good...no need to say exactly what your doing in your away messages. As for hers...stop looking at them!

 

When she sends messages like "hi" dont even reply. What's the point? She's just trying to get attention and you keep giving it to her....and she knows your right there just waiting for her.

 

What you should do....absolutely nothing. Seriously...just do nothing. She'll start to think your moving on only when you actually start moving on. It's not really something you can fake. When we're still pining over someone, we're pretty transparent about it, whether we realize it or not.

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I think you make good points. I have not heard from her in two days. I really dont even put up an away message when I go online now. Her flaunting what she is doing is really just trying to make me mad or jealous. Very childish.

 

Concerning the text messages, I should definitely start to ignore the little ones like that. I just can't help that I am a caring person. It's just my nature. My whole life, I have been always trying to help people in need and always be nice to everyone else. I refuse to let her walk all over me.

 

I do feel myself beginning to move on. I have gone out with other girls recently and I have dates lined up for myself in the next few weeks or so. I do care about her, but we both need to find our way by ourselves if we ever get back together.

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the away messages and all that are just games, stay away from that. like i said, don't look at hers and dont worry about what yours say.

 

you can still care for her...but your not obligated to anything. what is the point of her texting "hi"? honestly...the only point is to get a reaction from you, which is not caring of her. ignore that stuff.

 

its fine to date other girls but dont jump in a rebound situation. as good as they sound, they very rarely end up well. when i did it i ended up hurting a girl i really cared about and looking back, if i had just waited, i think we prob could have had a good relationship. plus, the right girl will understand.

 

how are you when your out, with your friends etc? are you happy? outgoing? or do you think you mostly talk about the ex? either is fine (for now) im just curious as to where your at.

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I've been going out with my friends at school and at home a lot. I'm never upset around them. I am always upbeat around my friends. My friends and family are really my backbone.

 

I have asked some people for opinions on my situation. They give me their opinions and ideas of what they think is going on.

 

I am always happy. I just think and wonder what is going with her from time to time. It just bothers me that someone can change so much in so little of a time.

 

I'm making sure that I don't get serious with other women. They all know that I'm still pretty fresh off of my breakup. It's a small town where I live and everyone knows who is dating who. People wanted to be just like her and I when we dated. A lot of people were jealous.

 

I suspect that she has a boyfriend now. But it is only someone she has known for a few weeks and they don't go to the same high school. I can't imagine doing that.

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I grew up in a small town and dated my "HS sweetheart" for 4 years. We were known as the "perfect couple" and people were shocked when we broke up. She wanted more freedom, to experience life etc etc. I was pretty much set on being in a serious relationship...I enjoyed that. So she acted much your ex now and went around partying, with different guys, and became a "wild" girl. I dated 2 girls, both relatively seriously, especially the second one (who is actually what originally brought me here).

 

In the end, she got married and has a young daughter. I moved away (to the city) met a lot of new friends, picked up old hobbies and got into new ones. I found a new hobby which is my passion and have been doing it for 4 years now. I really could write for a while about all the things I've done and experienced since then and have realized the breakup was the best thing that ever happened to me...even though it sucked at the time.

 

Anyways...I really think in time you will come to feel the same way. What your doing/feeling/thinking is all normal, so don't think it's not. Your gonna hurt, it's part of the whole process. You do have control over how long that hurt sticks around to a degree...and so far your not doing badly, but theres always room for improvement.

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