"Save your relationship e-books"

Well, I'm officially pathetic.

I was at home feeling sad and depressed and had to get some work done at the office. So once I couldn't stand being at home anymore, I picked up my laptop and went to the office, where I'm at now (gee, I'm a real winner, working on a Saturday at 10pm!!! YAY for me!).

Well, I'm setting up some servers for a course I'll be giving next week, and while they were installing some stuff I decided to google "handle a breakup", trying to look up for strategies/activities to get myself back on my feet. Well, I guess I found a lot of stuff, but not what I was looking for, and I don't know what to think about what I found.

There is a ton of e-books, from $10 to $50, with "proven, guaranteed, techniques to get your SO back". Some go as far as saying "You can get your ex back without them knowing" (I guess that the technique must involve creating a blow up doll resembling your ex and... you figure out the rest).

However, I must say that some of them do look interesting. The question is...

Are they worth the money? I mean, some of them look like a waste of bytes, but out of the few interesting ones, would you pay for them?

I guess that if you actually manage to learn something, that something will make it worth it, but I'm amazed at how much garbage they are selling out there. Like for example, this one:

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14 page PDF with a proven technique to get your ex back. 14 pages that will let you fix any relationship, no matter how bad it is. Doesn't that sound like something that usually stinks and come's out of male cows rear ends?

However, this one kind of talks about recovering:

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I might get one e-book. After all, I've noticed that anythign that gives me a little hope of getting myself back on my feet makes me feel WAY better than anything that gives me hope of getting back with her.

And either way, she is too busy trying not to love me that she won't notice if I became president tomorrow.

In one word......NO!

 

I think if you do it's wasting your money. There is no way to get someone back that doesn't want to come back. If you have endless amounts of cash go for it. Reality is you have to just move on from it all.

I agree with you, that is why I was surprised to see all that garbage being sold for so much money.

I think there might be good e-books to recover YOURSELF out there, but the rest of them just make it too hard to find them.

If you're interested in books on recovery and relationships, stop by your local library. Chances are that they'll have a fair few books on the subject, and being scammed is less of a worry when you're not actually paying for something. There are some good books out there, but I'd steer clear of ebooks in general, because a lot of them are just trying to get your money. The important thing to think about when you're considering what types of books to start reading is what you really want - do you want to get your ex back? Do you want to fix the problems that were present in your relationship? Or do you want to reflect on the things that you did in the relationship that you could've done better, and find ways to change your own behavior? If you're interested in self-help books, it's good to set solid, realistic goals, then work on making those goals a reality.

I sure wonder what exactly the "14 page PDF with a proven technique to get your ex back" says though. Out of curiosity, considering it says you can rescue your relationship without a word to your partner. Sounds like hypnosis or something, lol...

hi..im guilty of buying some of these ebooks..and they're ok.I just couldnt stick with the plan.I needed to read something that would give me a different perspective on THE breakup.The whole bottomline was if you want to get your ex back,be that old person your ex got attracted to by being positive!..

bite the bullet and work on yourself..I learned from it and used it and changed my tone when I tried to reach out and I got happy replies from my happy texts..not when I got dramatic and neurotic.He showed up but the turn of events werent as I planned..deep inside I was still hurting and sensitive..One book suggested the NC for 30 days ,there was one by christian carter which was ok,there was one that suggested to stop beating yourself up because the reason that lead to the breakup was probably his insecurities and not you...I didnt mind buying them because I will take anything that will help me go through the process at that time..Ive read a lot of break up stories and some of them made me feel that mine wasnt that bad...Now im on NC and its because even if Ive read and understood and forgave and acknowledge what Ive done..I see my EX and he's still on the fence..he's not forgiven me and we're not on equal footing to make anything work..so now we're still nothing..

When I said the whole bottomline I meant to sum up everything that those ebooks wanted to say was to positive if you want to get your ex back..Its stupid and selfish that I was planning things and I wasnt realistic at that time but It was the darkest hours of my life..but now no more ebooks just ENA and I dont have to pay..every support I need is here! anytime..anywhere!

hey seusser..I PM you

To be honest, I want only two things:

a) Improve myself as a person / make myself a better person. Basically, improve my self steem, social skills and emotional intelligence. Three areas that basically turn me into: antisocial, needy, insecure and make others see me as manipulative, rude, boring. All in all, I just want to be a "normal" person you can enjoy being around, not an acquired taste (weirdo that most people avoid).

b) Understand what I did wrong so I can actually learn from my mistakes and avoid them in the future.

If I manage to acomplish both, I woiuld either end up getting her back or having a new and better relationship with someone else.

Yes, I want her back, and I want to fix that relationship. But you know? It's bound to fail if I don't manage to solve my own issues first. Any relationship that I get into will be set for failure if I continue like this. So I want to do it for myself, wanting her back is very important, but it's not the reason I want to do it.

Then you're off to a great start. There are a lot of books out there that are aimed towards the goals that you have, and counseling can also help you with determining what the problems are and what has caused them, so it might be worth looking into if you're not already going. Print out that post of yours and keep it somewhere that you can read it, because it can be easy to lose sight of the desire to improve yourself and get caught up in wanting your ex back - that's why all of those ebooks exist, after all. Good luck!

In one word......NO!

 

I think if you do it's wasting your money. There is no way to get someone back that doesn't want to come back. If you have endless amounts of cash go for it. Reality is you have to just move on from it all.

I completely agree with this. I am guilty of buying a "Get Your Ex Back" ebook, and basically, it has the same information I have found right here, at ENA.

To be honest, I want only two things:

 

a) Improve myself as a person / make myself a better person. Basically, improve my self steem, social skills and emotional intelligence. Three areas that basically turn me into: antisocial, needy, insecure and make others see me as manipulative, rude, boring. All in all, I just want to be a "normal" person you can enjoy being around, not an acquired taste (weirdo that most people avoid).

 

b) Understand what I did wrong so I can actually learn from my mistakes and avoid them in the future.

You have a wealth of information and knowledge, right here at your fingertips. I think ENA is even better than an ebook, because you get feedback. The advice and support (or whatever you want to call it) I have found here is ten times better than any ebook I've read - and it's free

Well, unfortunately my ENA experience hasn't been as good as it has been for you guys. I haven't really found what I've been looking for, or, I've never asked the right questions.

I'm already in therapy. In fact, I'm going to spend next monday afternoon with a psychotherapist for an evaluation, to try to narrow down or correct my previous diagnosis. It will be a great way to spend an afternoon, specially during my birthday...

Happy Birthday to a fellow Saggitarian.

Happy birthday...

I am guilty of burning a several 100 bucks on this garbage as well. Specially the relationship saver. I wish I had got my money back...

There are some very useful sights that help develop perspective and gain a more insightful outlook on life and the relationship....

There are snippets of "wisom" in all these ebooks, but to be honest I don't think they would make up for what you can get from people on these forums

A lot of the ebooks you see on the web are more like eleaflets, they contain very little constructive information and usually most of it looks like it was ripped straight out of a forum like this. That isn't to denigrate this place of course but I think if you are paying a significant amount for an ebook then you would expect a little more than just a rehash of the usual: "take up a hobby, get out with friends more, go to the gym".

I've had more success with proper paper books, you know those retro ones that can also be used to prop up a table when you've finished it (or become so disenchanted with it that you can't bear to read anymore). I have now become a review junky, I never buy anything without researching it on the web first, this is after spending hundreds of £'s on self-help books over the last year and really only a handful have been truly helpful. I think one of the problems with using a book to get through a break up is that they are not a golden bullet for your pain, you inevitably have to do a lot of hard work in order to gain any benefit. Adhering to a workflow of self-analysis, forgiveness and positive visualisation at a time when emotionally you are shot to pieces and are probably having a hard enough time getting out of bed in the mornings is a big ask!

I've had more benefit from techniques like guided meditation, EFT and affirmations than anything, by incorporating all these things and some good self-improvement books (with the emphasis on improving yourself and finding happiness within yourself rather than on 'getting over' or winning back a loved one) you will accelerate your progress.

Also learn how to actually understand how you feel and what you are thinking, our emotions and thoughts can be very sneaky, our minds work on so many levels that often a thought that we have not consciously acknowledged can cause you to go from feeling good to feeling below terrible in an instant... with seemingly no logical explanation. Take the time to analyse your thoughts when you start to feel low, what were you thinking of just before that? what are you thinking now? are those thoughts realistic? are you punishing yourself for something that was out of your control? Are you punishing yourself for not doing something you should have done? My own response to that is that at every time in my life I have done my best, sometimes things don't go my way but I learn from those times and next time I'll do better.