What would you do if a married woman asked you out for dinner?

I've never been in this situation before and would appreciate your input.

I recently went for lunch with a new co-worker. She is married so to me it was just lunch and nothing else.

Before we went back to the office she mentioned we should do dinner next time.

If you were in my shoes, how would you view this invitation?

R

I would WANT to view it as a friendly one. I guess its implications are not so much but what would be the harm in checking it out and playing dumb? I mean, you'll always have your innocent intentions to fall back on, yeh?

if you go and she hits on you or pushes for more, you'll have your answer. If she's looking for a friend cos she already has a husband, there ya go, you'll know that too.

And, if she's paying......

It's hard to say...

Was she flirty with you or insinuating anything else? Did you get the vibe that she was after more than just a casual dinner?

Perhaps, if she asks you again, tell her to bring her husband.

It could be very innocent or it could be that she's into you...it's too hard to say from the little information you've given.

PS...I'm jealous that you're in Paris--my favorite city in the world

I would WANT to view it as a friendly one. I guess its implications are not so much but what would be the harm in checking it out and playing dumb? I mean, you'll always have your innocent intentions to fall back on, yeh?

 

if you go and she hits on you or pushes for more, you'll have your answer. If she's looking for a friend cos she already has a husband, there ya go, you'll know that too.

 

And, if she's paying......

That's what I thought as well. If a single woman invited me out for dinner I'd be really excited. Since she's married I think it's a bit odd. She just started at the company and even as a friendly gesture I'd think it's pretty outgoing.

When we went for lunch I was going to split it up but she hurriedly took the bill and said I could pay for her next time.

If she weren't married, I'd be sure she's hitting on me...

I agree rs. She prolly is.

So.... what're you gonna do?

just out of curiosity?

Do you have a significant other?

If so, perhaps suggesting that dinner include her husband and your SO might work.

Did you get the feeling at lunch that it was more than just lunch to her?

It's hard to say...

Was she flirty with you or insinuating anything else? Did you get the vibe that she was after more than just a casual dinner?

Perhaps, if she asks you again, tell her to bring her husband.

It could be very innocent or it could be that she's into you...it's too hard to say from the little information you've given.

 

PS...I'm jealous that you're in Paris--my favorite city in the world

 

I wouldn't say she was flirty but we talked a lot and she smiled to me and maintained eye contact all along.

 

It just seemed so natural for her to mention we should go out after work. I don't think any woman has been so forward with me before.

 

As for Paris, it's not always as romantic as it seems...

I agree rs. She prolly is.

 

So.... what're you gonna do?

 

 

just out of curiosity?

I'm in a real predicament here. I've never been in this situation before and I must admit I'm speechless.

If she were single, I wouldn't hesitate at all.

I'm a bit screwed here as I owe her a meal anyway...

oh, i think she is up to no good. A little mischief on the side.

Hmmmm, maybe give you one wine too many and take advantage of you. Hmmmmmm she is on the prowl, married or not.

Still, I would go, have fun and see what happens.

It could be harmless or it could be more, the answer to your question depends on your own sensibilities. Personally if you have to work with this person then I wouldnt want to get involved anything beyond friends.

Hmm.....This seems strange to me. Perhaps she just wants to be friends, but....asking you out to dinner, alone, without her husband? Seems a bit iffy to me.

It's hard to say...I remember when a male colleague (not married) asked me out for lunch once, I wasn't too sure if it was a date because it was lunch; I figured, well, I've gone to lunch with male colleagues before -- even married ones -- and it hasn't meant anything. Later, he asked me to dinner, and I assumed it WAS a date (and, in fact, it was, which was OK, because he was single!)

So, I can see having lunch with a married colleague, during the course of a regular workday. But dinner? Hmm....I can't imagine a married male colleague asking me to dinner without his wife present, and I wouldn't accept the invite if one did. I would feel weird about it, because it would be outside the regular workday, meaning it wouldn't be a business-related meal at all, AND, I would be thinking to myself, "why isn't this guy having dinner at home, with his WIFE?"

I dunno. I'd be cautious about this one.

Do you have a significant other?

 

If so, perhaps suggesting that dinner include her husband and your SO might work.

 

Did you get the feeling at lunch that it was more than just lunch to her?

I've been single for a few months now (and she knows).

Over lunch, she was smiling a lot and leaned over the table. She didn't openly flirt with me or anything but it was definitely a "pleasant" meal.

In addition to mentioning dinner, I received an e-mail from her a week later saying we should get together.

It's an interesting world that we live in!

oh, i think she is up to no good. A little mischief on the side.

 

Hmmmm, maybe give you one wine too many and take advantage of you. Hmmmmmm she is on the prowl, married or not.

 

Still, I would go, have fun and see what happens.

Thanks for the chuckles! Your answer really made me laugh...

If you are not comfortable with it and get the feeling she's interested in something more than perhaps just being honest and saying you are not comfortable going to dinner with a married woman without her husband is the best way to handle it.

She likely is interested.Do you know the actual state of her marriage? Pehaps she is in the downslope of a marriage and it is only a technicality[divorce is on the horizon].I am not suggesting you get involved with a married woman but her marriage could be on the verge of ending.

I don't know...There's this one guy at work that I hang out with one-on-one all the time and he's engaged...Granted, I've met his girlfriend and hung out with her,too... but sometimes it can be a purely platonic relationship... He sends me texts saying we should get together and vice versa... I always tell h im to bring his girlfriend, since I really enjoy her company as well

It could be harmless or it could be more, the answer to your question depends on your own sensibilities. Personally if you have to work with this person then I wouldnt want to get involved anything beyond friends.

It's two to tango indeed. And your comment about the work place is a wise one.

The rules of relationships have become so complex. Of all of my female friends, over more than half have been unfaithful. I'm not judging them but I find the reality to be rather shocking.

If you are not comfortable with it and get the feeling she's interested in something more than perhaps just being honest and saying you are not comfortable going to dinner with a married woman without her husband is the best way to handle it.

That sounds pretty diplomatic to me.

To be honest I'm still debating on my "level of comfort" with this situation.

That sounds pretty diplomatic to me.

 

To be honest I'm still debating on my "level of comfort" with this situation.

Would you consider having an affair with her?

Just not sure what you mean by 'level of comfort'.

She likely is interested.Do you know the actual state of her marriage? Pehaps she is in the downslope of a marriage and it is only a technicality[divorce is on the horizon].I am not suggesting you get involved with a married woman but her marriage could be on the verge of ending.

I'm not aware of the state of her marriage... I realize a number of relationships start while one or both the new partners are still in their previous relationships. I've never pursued a married/partnered woman though so I'm really surprised by the recent events.

How would you feel if you were married and your wife was acting this way with some other guy? It's all about your values and morals... I for one wouldn't appreciate this. There's a lot of women out there. I would let this go even if it is harmless.

I don't know...There's this one guy at work that I hang out with one-on-one all the time and he's engaged...Granted, I've met his girlfriend and hung out with her,too... but sometimes it can be a purely platonic relationship... He sends me texts saying we should get together and vice versa... I always tell h im to bring his girlfriend, since I really enjoy her company as well

Yeah, I have female colleagues who I hang out with as well but it's not the same... The conversations are different and body language is different.

In the current case she clearly wants to see me alone.

Would you consider having an affair with her?

 

Just not sure what you mean by 'level of comfort'.

 

I don't really know what she wants so it's tough for me to determine how I view this.

 

I've never had an affair before. By "level of comfort" I meant how I'm comfortable going for dinner with someone who's married.

I don't really know what she wants so it's tough for me to determine how I view this.

 

I've never had an affair before. By "level of comfort" I meant how I'm comfortable going for dinner with someone who's married.

I see, that makes sense.

If you are considering an affair I would strongly advise you to talk to some people who have done so and find out how it worked out for them.

Im my experience (have not had an affair, but in knowing a few people who did), it has not worked out in their favor and caused a lot of un-necessary heartbreak for all involved.

get dinner at mcdonald's - about as unromantic as you can get!

it's hard to tell, without being there, what is going on. could be she just wants to be friends, nothing wrong with that. she doesn't have to have her husband at her side 24/7.

i suppose, in europe, standards for flirting and 'line-crossing' are different than they are in the US, so it would be hard for me to determine if she is being flirty or just friendly.

i guess, just go and see what happens. suggest a non-romantic place for dinner, split the check, and don't go out for drinks afterwards. if you feel she is coming onto you, then you can tell her you don't feel that is right...

oooohhhh... and when you have dinner, ask if she has any single friends she can introduce you to! that should give her the message you aren't interested in her as a romantic prospect.